Emotionally unavailable men, is there a possibility for more?

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Emotionally unavailable men, is there a possibility for more?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    Evergreen
    Participant
    January 12, 2015 at 4:48 pm #70353
    Emotionally unavailable men, is there a possibility for more?

    I met a guy and things were off to a great start.But things went too fast too soon. I followed my heart cause I was falling head over heels, I initiated the first kiss which lead to more (after 5 innocent dates). Him, on the other hand was not ready for what happened between us and started to fade away after a few weeks. I know it wasn’t because he got what he wanted and then left. He confined that he doesn’t like to get intimate with someone so soon because he thinks sex complicates things and forces a direction to the relationship. He admits to being slow and that time is important to him. He told me he enjoys spending time with me and wanted to try us in a different way by eliminating intimacy. Long story short, we continued to hang out but because I wanted more and was feeling insecure, it was too difficult for me. I gave us both of us space by no contact for weeks, but the confusion and hurt would not go away.


    Evergreen
    Participant
    January 12, 2015 at 4:48 pm #70354

    More than once, I confessed my feelings to him and gave him ultimatums (which I know is wrong), each time I poured out my heart, he would just say he understands my decision and that he is always just a text away. Even after asking him if he had feelings for me, he could not answer me; only telling me that he does not think about that part of his life. I don’t fully believe he does not think about relationships, cause why would he be dating and flirting.

    He definitely has a different mindset from other guys, but I know he is sincere and genuine in that he didn’t use me and does want to continue to spend time minus intimacy, he is leaving the ball in my court for that decision. Since it’s been over 2 months since we have been couple-like, it is easier now. He hasn’t made any attempts to rekindle, he hasn’t initiated any contact for the past 2 months…Not sure if it’s because of my requests or if he just doesn’t care for me anymore, but he is there when I ask him to be.

    HVW_Mark
    HVW_Mark
    Participant
    January 13, 2015 at 7:53 am #70379

    A few weeks? How darn quick did this all these 5 dates go down?

    You’ve put sososososososo much pressure on this poor guy, Pouring your feelings out, and when he tries to slow things down (he obv did like you) and give the signals that you’re a bit strong on him, you just poured the pressure on harder! I’m sure you meant well but you’ve gone really quick here.. it has to be the right person at the right point, and he is most definitely neither. Most guys, if you put them in this spot, would back off and not share feelings.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by HVW_Mark HVW_Mark.
    • This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by HVW_Mark HVW_Mark.
    HVW_Mark
    HVW_Mark
    Participant
    January 13, 2015 at 7:54 am #70380

    Just some general thoughts, if you were a client of mine, I would say to you, let the guy do more initiating. You should almost never be initiating the first kiss. You can lead the horse to water, but make sure it makes the decision to drink. Get him in an intimate position, look at him with those pretty eyes, hell, fed-ex him an order to kiss you, but don’t do the actual kissing yourself. You’re taking the masculine role away for him. Men hate it and relationships built by the girl organsiing the dates and making all the moves never do well.

    He HAS to be the one to reintiate and put in some work. You are doing waywaywayway too much here and have been for some time. I dont think this one is saveable, but if it is, itll only happen if HE initiates contact.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by HVW_Mark HVW_Mark.

    Evergreen
    Participant
    January 13, 2015 at 9:10 am #70355

    The issue is because he is emotionally unavailable, withdrawn and even possibly a confused 30 y/o male that really wants to stick to his values (in hindsight I can recall him enjoying the intimacy but would mumble to himself like he was fighting against himself). Could it be that does not have romantic interest in me, even after a taste of what could of been did not change his mind. Not sure if I have already scared him off.
    I know that if a guy truly likes you, he will actively pursue you. I would be sadden if I just walked away throwing away a potential greatness. So my question is, are the roles ever reversed in waiting for the right one to come along and pursue you? I know he is not playing a game, but perhaps unconsciously he knows he is slow into progressing into a relationship and since according to him he is not actively looking, if girls chooses to leave early on it does not phase him. Should I try it his way and just be content w/ being friends?Or will my efforts futile now?