(ex?) girlfriend

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(ex?) girlfriend

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    c24james
    Participant
    July 6, 2016 at 10:43 am #104504
    (ex?) girlfriend

    My gf of 8 months has been texting and talking a lot with this guy she worked with like 2 months ago. it was bothering me, and I confronted her about my suspicions when it was happening and she told me nothing was happening and they have just been friends. Three weeks later she came to me crying and told me she lied, that they actually dated for like two weeks last summer until he broke up with her. I told her to stop the contact with him, and it looked like it ended. 3 more weeks later (last weekend), she had an anxiety attack and came to me crying and confessed that she actually developed feelings for that guy in the moment, they hung out a couple times and flirted with eachother, but nothing physical. I was pissed, and told her i had to think if i was going to stay in a relationship with her. She said this is something she has felt bad about and truly regrets doing. Two days later i tell her i will accept her back into my life if she promises to be better


    c24james
    Participant
    July 6, 2016 at 10:52 am #104505

    she tells me everything i want to hear, but the next day i can tell something is bothering her. Again… she comes to me crying and anxious andtells me she actually cheated physically with him on me… I was mad and told her we are over, she was sad and tells me that she couldnt be in relationship with me either bc she felt soo guilty. The next two days I had been crying and stuff, and she calls me and tells me she wants to see me. I said yes, bc deep down i do miss her even tho she hurt me. She comes over, tells me everything and convinces me she would never hurt me or lie to me, that our new relationship will be new and better. I break and accept her back into my lie again. And tell her im still hurt and she needs to help me get through these insecurities. We have sex and then go eat dinner. After that she starts to feel bad again and has another anxiety attack and says she just feels still so bad and this is all happening so fast… like MAKE UP YOUR MIND.


    c25james
    Participant
    July 6, 2016 at 11:02 am #104509

    My emotions are so fucked up right now… I believe her that she would never do this again and that she would be 100% honest with me in the future if things are going bad. Bc she is soooo upset about this too. I want to be with her, but im still hurt and she is still guilty. I dont know if im dong the tight thing by still dealing with this madness. Do i just cut it cold turkey? but i know i still love her and want to be with her…idk what is best for me. We had the best relationship prior to all of this. Advice please.


    c24james
    Participant
    July 7, 2016 at 9:28 am #104506

    My emotions are so fucked up right now… I believe her that she would never do this again and that she would be 100% honest with me in the future if things are going bad. Bc she is soooo upset about this too. I want to be with her, but im still hurt and she is still guilty. I dont know if im dong the tight thing by still dealing with this madness. Do i just cut it cold turkey? but i know i still love her and want to be with her…idk what is best for me. We had the best relationship prior to all of this. Advice please.


    c24james
    Participant
    July 7, 2016 at 9:28 am #104508

    she tells me everything i want to hear, but the next day i can tell something is bothering her. Again… she comes to me crying and anxious andtells me she actually cheated physically with him on me… I was mad and told her we are over, she was sad and tells me that she couldnt be in relationship with me either bc she felt soo guilty. The next two days I had been crying and stuff, and she calls me and tells me she wants to see me. I said yes, bc deep down i do miss her even tho she hurt me. She comes over, tells me everything and convinces me she would never hurt me or lie to me, that our new relationship will be new and better. I break and accept her back into my lie again. And tell her im still hurt and she needs to help me get through these insecurities. We have sex and then go eat dinner. After that she starts to feel bad again and has another anxiety attack and says she just feels still so bad and this is all happening so fast… like MAKE UP YOUR MIND.


    lyratheowl
    Participant
    July 7, 2016 at 7:45 pm #104658

    Hi, have you tried to have proper honest conversation with her about why she cheated? I know it’s painful for you that she did that and that you still love her. But if you are going to stay with her then you need to get to the bottom of her issues and she needs to be honest with you. Or rather she needs to get to the bottom of her issues first and then tell you and then you can decide if you still want to be her. Do you have good communication? Have you tried having a proper talk with her about why she did it? Let her know you won’t judge her you just need to know exactly why rather than just hearing sorry and she’ll be better. She will never make up her mind if and be happy together if she doesn’t address her issues which lead her to cheat first. Does she have issues from her past? From past relationships etc.? Commitment issues? Mental health issues? Was it something in your relationship which lead her to cheat that she was dissatisfied with?

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  lyratheowl. Reason: spelling

    lyratheowl
    Participant
    July 7, 2016 at 7:49 pm #104660

    You need to be supportive, honest and understand each others needs completely if you are going to move forward together. Also you will need to forgive obviously or be willing to and not let it affect your relationship or keep blaming her and she needs to forgive herself and then regain your trust. But trust needs to be there in the first place which is going to be a bit difficult now. That’s why it’s so important to resolve all this now and deal with before making a decision. You could also try going on a break from her if you’re unsure about breaking up or not. Go no contact for a couple of months or how ever long it takes but make sure that you’re both happy with this and understand why you’re doing it first. You’d be doing it to get some perspective and space and for her to sort herself out and figure out what she wants.

    tata1106
    tata1106
    Participant
    July 13, 2016 at 2:25 am #105057

    I think we need to find the strength to get away from it . It does not respect you , you have a backup plan for it . Such relationships do not need anyone . Life is Beautiful! You meet a girl and she will be the one for you, and you for it


    johnny35
    Participant
    July 13, 2016 at 5:43 am #105059

    She is playing with your emotions and knows your weakness. I think she is selfish and taking things for granted. If you decide to stay in the relationship, I suggest that you at least get some professional help to re-build the trust. Good Luck.


    johnny35
    Participant
    July 13, 2016 at 5:47 am #105060
    Reply To: (ex?) girlfriend

    I’ve been in your situation before and it’s frustrating when everything is still fresh. However, a few years down the track after having made the decision, you realise that it was the best decision you’ve made. Hang on there!


    blackdating1
    Participant
    July 13, 2016 at 2:13 pm #105127
    Reply To: (ex?) girlfriend

    You have to think about it like this, what is going to be too much for you. What will she have to do before you say enough is enough, it’s a tough lesson but if you continually take her back she will continue with this behaviour. You seem to get the truth out in drips and drabs and you deserve better. Tears are not a sorry and you can find someone willing to put in the work for you.