Experienced but still confused

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Experienced but still confused

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    evansj023
    evansj023
    Participant
    October 15, 2015 at 12:43 pm #86920
    Experienced but still confused

    So, here is my story….
    I got divorced in April 2013 after about 9 years of marriage and two children later. I moved out and into the twon I live now. Been here ever since. My neighbor who moved in the same time as me, was pregnant and with her boyfriend. We all became friends and used to hang out, etc. He ended up wanting to marry her, but she found out just before, that he was doing bad drugs and he quit his job and hasn’t been on his feet since, so a few terrible events happened between them that lead her to leave him and kick him out (after the marriage a month before btw).

    Me and her would talk a lot about it, and while he was still living there (during the moving out process), he was very mad that me and her were still friends and tried to get us to not be friends anymore. We were both hurt and were like, “f u”. So, we were still friends. Well, we ended up being very attractive toward each other, both physically and mentally. continued…….

    evansj023
    evansj023
    Participant
    October 16, 2015 at 8:40 am #86921

    continued……she is very independent, and I am not so much. But we were great around each other and decided to start dating a bit after, a few months or so after he left. At this point, we knew each other for over a year. So, we were doing ok for about a year, this was Sept 10th of last year we became partners. She has a 2 years old daughter (from him) and I have my two kiddoes from my divorce, but they all love playing with each other regardless off their age differences. We would have dinner, talk all the time, and just have fun.

    Eventually, since he is her daughters father, she didn’t want him to disappear from her life due to that and tried to balance a decent relationship between him and her daughter so her daughter could see her daddy. He rarely kept his promises to come around and it even aggravated me because it was hurting them both. After many months of this goin on, and during this he had moved out of state to live with his mother who supported him (still does)….

    evansj023
    evansj023
    Participant
    October 16, 2015 at 8:40 am #86922

    Not sure if my latest flow went through so here is the rest…

    after saying both physically and mentally, I was typing about how our kids got along, we talked a lot, had dinner a lot even though we didn’t live together. I ended up staying the night sometimes because I was right across the hall and it was amazing. Well, her ex before me move out of course by this point, moved out of state in and out all the time living with his mom who still supports him, etc. About a few weeks ago, she moved down the road, and asked him to move back in to help with rent and get him back on his feet so he could see his daughter more and not come up with excuses why he couldn’t stop by because he never came through when he was gone. This bothered me and I let her know the truth, and she left me a few days ago, I believe because I am upset that he is around. She says it is her daughters father and she is not going to keep him away from her. That is fine, and I don’t want that. What I wanted was…..

    evansj023
    evansj023
    Participant
    October 16, 2015 at 8:41 am #86923

    …for her to see why that was not a smart choice if she has no interest in him anymore, but I get the whole daddy thing. She went through it with her dad, and that bothers her that her daughter might have had the same thing go on, so she is very stuck on having him around and that is healthy I get it, but why move him back in? He used to , and likely still, does drugs and he is worthless really. She even agrees to that. But this has all affected our relationship and she broke up with me mainly because she says as of now, its because I cant accept parts of her life like him being around and that bothers her. But he has called me names, put me down and lied to her about me but she accepts all of this from him because he is her childs father? IDK.

    I’m a great person, great guy and she even said, maybe too nice. She wants someone who is not afraid of hurting her feelings…. I get it maybe? But after a year, I would think she would have things figured out. Now I am alone without reason.