Extremely confusing mutual 'friend zone' situation


Extremely confusing mutual 'friend zone' situation

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    December 21, 2015 at 5:27 pm #90391
    Extremely confusing mutual 'friend zone' situation

    K so, I’m not sure i can get my dilemma across sufficiently in writing but here goes (sorry, this could get lengthy):

    First off I have been friends with this girl for about 5 years now, we both currently attend the same university. We have the same personality and really understand each other ( we’re like different gender copies of each other).

    In our early days we both had crushes on each other at different points in time during high school. We decided to talk about It and it ended with me saying I wasn’t mature enough for a relationship (I remember honestly just not wanting to hurt her as I thought I would if we were in a relationship, but was too chicken to say so). After that things got weird, and we started only texting on each others birthdays. During this weird time she was in a relationship with another guy.


    December 21, 2015 at 5:31 pm #90392

    This weird vibe between us continued UNTIL about a year ago, we started texting like we used to.Things were and currently are back to fun. She doesn’t have a boyfriend.

    Anyway a few days ago she asked me to join her on a museum visit, just us. We had fun and were both comfortable and even went out for food and drinks afterwards. We had non-stop conversation and she even told me about her dad who had passed away earlier in the year.

    later that night, a group of friends joined us for drinks and a night out. We all ended up at her place to crash for the night. I noticed she was comfortable cuddling with other guys while i was around (i didn’t mind, we are all friends, you know like friendly cuddles). But that just made me notice that she doesn’t do anything like that with me. Does she not feel comfortable with me?


    December 24, 2015 at 9:41 am #90393

    She knows that I am somewhat opposed to dating and that I tend to ‘play around’ with girls in my first two years of university (I know i admit that i used to be a douche but i really have changed this year).

    HOWEVER I really wouldn’t mind dating her. In fact, she is the first girl that i have actually WANTED to stay with and not just have a one night stand with. But I don’t want to ask her out in fear of messing up what we currently have. If my confession causes us to go back to the weird place that we were in I would rage so hard! Therefore I’m really reluctant to do the whole “just tell her” thing.

    To conclude: I’m confused, we are definatley emotionally comfortable with each other since we can be alone for hours and never have a dip in conversation, but she doesn’t cuddle with me or anything like that (i don’t ask/initiate) so is she not physically comfortable with me? We are still playful (like tickling) with each other but that’s about it for touching.


    March 11, 2016 at 12:38 pm #95456

    Man it seems to me that you’re in her friend zone.. Start creating sexual tension with her. Show her you’re interested (never tell her though!).
    Build a propicious moment and kiss her! That will be the easiest way to find out if she’s willing to have something with you.
    Good luck!