Falling for a taken woman

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Falling for a taken woman

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    phaze
    Participant
    November 14, 2017 at 3:43 pm #156365
    Falling for a taken woman

    I have a complicated situation that I’m sure won’t get the kindest responses but I need advice.

    I work with this girl, we’ve been flirting and going on dates for a couple of months. We’ve kissed and made-out a couple of times but nothing more. She is 23 and I am 25.

    She tells me all of the time how special I make her feel and how much she loves talking to me and spending time with me. She texts me from the point she wakes up, until she falls asleep. She’s wonderful.

    The problem is, she has been dating someone for about 2 years. He left earlier this year to go to med school in another country and will be away for the next 4 years.

    Since her and I have been seeing each other she’s gone to see him once. She was happy to see me when she came back and we picked up where we had left off.

    Now, he’s coming back for a few weeks. We had a talk about how she didn’t feel guilty or bad about what we were doing until this past weekend (she went to a resort with her boyfriend’s family).


    phaze
    Participant
    November 14, 2017 at 3:44 pm #156366

    She doesn’t want space at all, she keeps texting me and wants to hang out but did say the hand holding, kissing, going on dates, that kind of stuff needs to stop.

    I’m falling in love with her (I had never told her that and have no intention of doing so) and so I totally respect her decision and am not going to try and do any of those things anymore, but it obviously hurts. She said that it needs to stop because she needs to do the right thing (staying loyal to her BF because he is so good to her). She has said to me that she does love him, so I’m not delusional thinking that she only has feelings for me .. but she also hasn’t said that she wants to stay with him because she loves him … her reasoning is that it’s the ‘right’ thing to do … I’m not totally sure what that means.

    I am hurting pretty bad and am looking for advice on what my next move should be.


    phaze
    Participant
    November 14, 2017 at 4:31 pm #156368

    A big part of me thinks that long distance relationships don’t work and that I should just stick out being her friend until her and her BF breakup (if that happens). This might not be as logical as I’d like to believe and maybe just wishful thinking, I don’t know.

    The other thought I’m having, and trying to avoid, is just to disconnect from her as much as possible … not talking to her outside of work-related things, not hanging out, basically deleting her from my life. The reluctance I’m having here is if anything does happen to her existing relationship I don’t want to ruin my opportunity with her.

    For whatever significance it has. Some background on me, I’ve been in two separate 4 year relationships in my life and lots of short-term relationships in between there. I do really well in the dating department generally. I’m not a stranger to relationships but I’ve never felt the way I feel about this woman before. I might actually love her but I think it’s to early to tell.

    Thanks


    cekma
    Participant
    November 15, 2017 at 11:02 am #156446

    You need to stop for yourself. The fact that she’s telling you kissing holding hands has to come to an end means shes feeling guilty.

    She’s 23, she is in the prime and so are you for dating around. Please explore others and keep her in the back of your mind.

    I’m sure it’s not going to last with the other guy, but remember… if she’s doing this to him, she can very easily do it to you as well, would you want that?

    Back off completely, let her know you can’t be involved so long as she is involved in a relationship. You can only be a friend, but keep it cordial, you work together so you see each other often, can’t make that awkward. Just stay calm cool collective, I know you like her a ton, but please see other people.

    She will be even more interested and her relationship I think will end, but also make sure you don’t just become a rebound for her.

    Best you can do is just be friendly, and date others, she is in a relationship, she has to be out of it first before more


    luckyman
    Participant
    November 15, 2017 at 7:55 pm #156558

    oh you really need to stop that just let go of her because in the end she will left you because she is still in love with his 2yrs boyfriend.


    ktmiller222
    Participant
    November 20, 2017 at 9:16 am #156895

    I know you like her,,,,but stop. She is no good for you. The right girl will come along, you need to keep this girl away so you can meet the one for you. Good luck!