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Hello, I have been dating a great woman for five years. She lives three hours away.
She just informed me that she hired a male monster body builder, personal trainer at her gym. At that time I was stunned and didnt say anything except I am glad for you.
I cant get this picture out of my head. I picture her with this guy 2 hours a week in the gym and all that goes along with it. In general I am not the jealous type.
I feel inferior about this. I am consumed with this. I think about her then he pops into my mind.
He calls her after their work out. She thought that was really nice of him. I been around a group of 5 competion body builders and I know their personalities well. In general most are very personal, nice womanizers. And yes I had hear their stories of their woman trophies too much.
I think about her in a fond way all day as I usually do but cant get the picture of her personal trainer out of my head.
What should I do? Say something to her and look like a jealous guy>? Why would she get a guy? Some advice please.April 12, 2013 at 3:58 pm #28509
I think her intentions are pure. She wants to look better for YOU. 5 years may also mean she wants some more attention in her life. You two may have gotten comfortable and a little attention from ANYBODY attractive is a nice variety. With that said, maybe you need to step up the romance cards some more and make her feel beautiful (since this might be her personal image issue).
Put aside what you might regularly do and think of some cute new ways to keep her attention. Maybe she doesn’t hear it enough, so compliment her! Or if she needs physical things, write little notes or buy her a little gift every month that she can use, not just like jewelry or sweets.
She probably really DOES care about you just as much as you do but hey we all get bored sometimes and it’s nice to feel wanted by others, nothing wrong with that. Your fear of being cast aside is normal so try to spruce things up.
However, don’t go blind (like I have led you) and just ask her. Tell her how you feel and ask what else you could do as a boyfriend to make her feel happy/wanted/loved more. See how she answers (what are her reasons) and tell her you’re gonna try your best to make sure your communication levels are open enough so nobody gets lost in translation.April 12, 2013 at 7:03 pm #28519
Hello evalovely and thank you for your kind words and wisdom. I appreciate your advice and hints how to maintain and possibly keep a relationshiop from getting stale and keep it exciting. Or possible so she will wane towards me more.
You have some very good insights and I appreciate your outlook, Thank you.
You right on occasion there are some woman that flirt or hint towards me. I does feel nice, but I bascially blow it off and enjoy and embelish the moment later.
We have I believe a nice relationship, is it long distance she live two hours from me. I see her every three months two months sometime more. Talk every few weeks. Text some. She been sending some racy ones lately cleavage kind of thing.
Hope that not too much info.
I still cant get the personal trainer buff guy she hired out of my head. Young buff hard.
I am not hard to look at though.
I know she goes out sometime in general doesn’t bother me. She is nice to look at and Im sure she gets hit on allot. No problem there. Either, don’t think about it.
I should mention I am 60 she is 50.
I feel like a High schooler with Inferior issures.
I still cant get the guy she hired out of my head. I think of her I think of him, young buff hard. Obsessed.
I am not hard to look at though. Fairly fit active.
I will try and communicate to her. But I find this hard, because she must have thought its okay to hire a bodybuilder type for a personal trainer. Seems to me woman trainer would know a womans body better. Phew.
I just don’t want to look foolish, petty when its probably nothing.
I can stop over thinking this. I will send text tell her how I wish she was in my arms. Then may some happy flowers next day or so.
Let you know how it goes.
Thank you Enjoy the day.
I will ponder your thoughts some moreApril 15, 2013 at 12:14 pm #28739
How long have you had a long distance relationship with her? All 5 years?
I think (if it’s possible) you try to see her more often. At an older age, I notice women who are dating prefer security in a man. More of a provider and a secure man who has a lot of potential.
I also still think it’s fairly normal to be a bit jealous of someone’s looks but don’t feel inferior. Have you told her how you feel about him? See if she’s willing to see a female trainer. I personally would prefer to see a male trainer because a male knows what is attractive to a man versus a female trainer may not have the best intentions (just my opinion).
Are you interested in going to the gym? Try to join one and say you’re regularly going now too, she might admire your intentions and respect your wishes to be healthy, like her.
email@example.comParticipantApril 16, 2013 at 6:27 pm #28955
You have to trust your gut. Do you feel she is losing interest in you? Or do you feel she is trying to please you? There is evidence that the intimate connection of the trainer relationship often does set a woman (or a man if the trainer is female) to develop feelings. Its funny that you posted this question because its the topic of our web series: http://blip.tv/interruptus “like” it and share it if you do!April 16, 2013 at 11:23 pm #28957
Thanks again for you your Lovely reply. Pun intended.
We have been doing is this way for about 5 years. I made and error she 1.5 hours away 3 hours round trip.
Her sister lives here and stays wither her sister and brother in law. She visits and sees me when she comes down. I’ve known her and her sister 20 plus years.
If I read between the lines of what you are saying she may want more of a commitment from me. It is a bit difficult to see her more often but can happen. I care take my 96 year old age demented mom in my house with help during the day. My girlfriend lives with her mom and two daughters.
My girlfriend has a contract with this trainer fellow don’t know how that will work, to change to a female trainer and it seems like I would be too controlling, judgmental about her.
Ok last Friday I had pondered and worried all I wanted to. I was at the point of saying forget about it. And I started to assess what she really means to me. Actually found out she does mean allot to me. But I cannot have feeling of inadequacy very unbecoming indeed. Maybe because I’m getting older. At one point I was saying to myself what happens happens and I can’t really change it. If she still wants to see me great. Just leave it alone and let it play out how it will. I probably should just take charge of the situation. This is just too much and I have to just try and forget about it.
So I decided to send flowers and bath salts for next day for Sat 13th.
So I texted her Friday: that I wish she was in my arms and I was missing her and her soft skin, and wishing she was her so I could hold her. Weird part was she didn’t respond till 2 am unusual indeed. Her phone is always on and near her. She texted back: she missed me too. Very short response for her. Of course I was sleeping at 2am. Now here we go.. None of which makes much sense to me. I know I am obsessing and making stuff up in my mind.
I called her Saturday morning interestingly enough the Flowers just arrived a few minutes before. I told her now I know how she feels when I don’t text back right away. She said she had a rough day and went to bed early. None of which makes much sense to me. I’m such a putz, I didn’t say how come you texted me so late(isecrities showing). Did you go to the toilet then text me? Who knows? I know I am obsessing
She thanked me for the flowers and sent me a picture. She took some to work to show off on Monday and sent me picture of them on her desk Monday.
I decided enough was enough and I came up with a way that I wouldn’t seem be so foolish jealous insecure sounding. To approach my situation. Also I was trying to be more direct so I could ask her about all this crap in my mind.
I came up with this: When she was here week ago she stayed with her sister and as she usually does. We get together for a couple of days and nights while she was here a week.
While she was at my home she said her shoulder hurt, I rubbed it gave her bit of a massage.
Any way I called her Saturday 13th and said hello blah blah. I said is your personal trainer pushing you to hard? And did you hurt your self? She said no it’s been hurting for a while. I asked her how you happened to get your trainer. Chicken aren’t I. She said the personnel at the desk gave her choices and she picked him he had a special.
I then told her that I was feeling a bit inferior about him. She said don’t worry he’s got nothing on you. Besides you are you. I let it go. Felt better to have a conversation with intent. Then she said she not going to see him for a month. I said why? Because she wants to do herself for a while. She has a fourteen session contract signed with him. I was anticipating this saga to be over or come to a conclusion, all I would have to do is wait for her sessions to be over with in about 6 weeks and see how it goes. I don’t want to think about this like I do Im making stuff up in my mind. Like one of my male friends who has real jealousy issues about his wife.. the suff he make up in his head that’s not real.
The month that she is waiting to start up back up training with him is right after my birthday. She is coming down for Memorial Day weekend. I think I’m over thinking this. I’ve not had issues like this before.
Over all I have been less stressed over this somewhat. With your help indeed.
I’m sorry to be so wordy and I know you are busy but I do appreciate your input, and a woman’s perspective and intuition. I can’t really discuss this with my handful of close friends as they know her quite well and don’t want to get them involved.
I really do appreciate your input glad you are there.
So I will go the gym and let her know that I am going to work out. So I can look like Jack Lelane. ha.
I have not worked out for while probably be good to get some endorphins flowing.
Again I know you’re not my therapist but thanks for your input. You give me different solutions and different way to look at my sorry situation.
Enjoy the DayApril 17, 2013 at 3:51 pm #28991
Hi Steve. you bring a smile to my heart. you sound so passionate about your girlfriend and you truly want her to be happy with you. You’re curious about what other “things” you can do to help her and show her love with the physical discomfort of being in a distance relationship, but you’re trying!!
You do sound a bit overwhelmed with your insecurities so try not to make up ridiculous scenarios without any reason.
There’s a saying “Don’t assume, it makes an “ass” out of “u” and “me” ” 🙂
Maybe now that she has a break from the trainer, you can go to the gym with your gf when she visits you! Couples who work out are interested in healthy relationships, both emotionally and physically.
Find a way to be a part of her routine differently. Find new hobbies when she’s in town (hopefully the gym will be one) and enjoy the limited time you have with her. Don’t waste your energy on a man you’ve never met. Think HE’S thinking about YOU? He’s not. You have a beautiful gf to think about instead. Don’t lose sight of that!April 19, 2013 at 12:03 pm #29160
Thank you for taking the time to help me out in Mind of need.
I am calm now and back to my almost normal self. I was waaaay out of it for sure.
I have been more attentive to her as being in a long distance relationship it does feels better.
I also did a follow for her to be notified on facebook when she posts stuff. I am not much of a social Media person, but she is. So lately I will comment on some of her posting, not allot though.
I guess it’s like the Stallion stud that wont produce, but when you bring in another
Stallion, it becomes bothered and takes control of the Mare.
As I read back our communications, I looked pretty much insecure for sure. Phew.
Some of this is because of my short comings being in a relationship for a long time and becoming a bit complacent. I will liven it up, and be more attentive towards her and move on.
Thank you for your kind words of wisdom
I appreciate you very much.
I believe in a month or so when my gfs training gets back into play I hope to be able to deal with this better and a different fashion. I believe I need to be more forthcoming with her. If I cant communicate my feelings with her, then I am at fault. Without looking foolish.
Friendly hug to you and
Enjoy your Day
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