First Crush on a women… help!?


First Crush on a women… help!?

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    November 6, 2014 at 8:20 pm #67158
    First Crush on a women… help!?

    So I am in my first year at an all women’s college, and through the past two years have realized that I am attracted to not only men, but women as well. I identify as Queer and in this point in my life I have come to the conclusion that I am not interested in dating men at this time. In the past I have only had “crushes” on men. When I came to school I definitely wanted to find a girlfriend. I had been in a long term relationship in High School where I wasn’t happy, and after a year of self exploration I have decided I am ready to date again. Where I go to school there is no shortage of beautiful people of all identities and I admit I was not shy with the ogling. For the first time in my life I could be who I am and express attraction to someone without fear of judgment or ridicule. Everyone around was nice, FLIRTY and awesome and I am totally attracted to many different people but no one that I was interested in pursuing a relationship with. Then I met her.

    November 6, 2014 at 8:21 pm #67159

    It totally caught me off guard. I had seen her a couple times but thought nothing of it, been introduced through a mutual friend but still didn’t really take note. It wasn’t until I sat across from her during a LGBTQAI* meeting on campus that I truly saw her. She was articulate, smart, beautiful and I was totally captivated. I have a HUGE crush on her and as the story goes, she doesn’t know I exist. Sure we have mutual friends but none that ever hang out together, so the only time I see her is in passing or in the common room of the dorm. Ive had exactly three embarrassing run ins with her the last one being her unlocking the main door for me while I carried a box and asking if I was even a student at our college… Ouch. She literally didn’t even remember me. So I ask, HOW DO I GET TO KNOW HER??? And how do I pluck up the courage to even talk to her when we have literally no ties that would help start the ball rolling?

    November 27, 2014 at 9:02 am #68258

    Are there any more LGBTQA (damn that abbreviation gets longer every time I encounter it!) events at the college? Or maybe something other group she is involved in that you could involve yourself in too, (although don’t do that if it is a group you would rather watch paint dry then go to – it is important that you are doing stuff you enjoy or it will show that you have an ulterior motive for being there) This way you could find out if she has similar interests to you. Maybe she will notice you a little more.

    Of course there is also my ham-fisted tactic – “You gonna talk to me, or what?” I’m very direct. I have had mixed responses with that one. It worked once though….

    June 23, 2015 at 10:04 am #81367

    Hi there, I think you should mention one of the topics that was addressed at the LGBT meeting as an ice breaker and even if the topic
    is already resolved or seems dull to you, bring it up anyway. Then that will open the door to mentioning OTHER related issues.
    For example you can say to her “Oh I noticed how your suggestion in the meeting made a difference for (whatever).”
    You can then add “I really admire how you handle so many issues of concern to the group, (etc etc)” THEN you can say
    that you would like to get to know her better because you think she is so intelligent and skillful etc etc and then pop the
    question QUICKLY, saying “How about a bite of lunch next week for a half hour or so at (restaurant name)?” Make it casual at
    first, and then once you have the actual lunch with her at the restaurant, that is your opportunity to begin to broach the
    subject of getting to know each other more. You can then suggest something a bit more personal such as
    dinner or a movie. Good Luck!