First friend zoned and now potential mind games..


First friend zoned and now potential mind games..

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    October 4, 2016 at 4:08 pm #113211
    First friend zoned and now potential mind games..

    Hi everyone just wondering if you could shed some light on my current situation? If be so grateful..
    So I met this guy online we spoke for 3 weeks and then met in person. Had two amazing dates and then he decided he found me attractive, liked my personality and banter but just saw me as a friend.. (I think if he’s totally honest with himself he was looking for a nsa type thing just casual and realised he couldn’t do that to me because I’m a nice person.
    I took the whole thing well and he even thanked me for being so kind. He has a child with someone else and she left him 9 months ago.
    Anyways fast forward a couple weeks we went out last week as ‘friends’ and he was being flirty made a couple innuendos and even made physical playful body contact.
    He then went through a ghosting period of 4 days and messaged me once late the other asking how I was?
    To cut short is he stringing me along till he finds something better? I’m so confused and still like him. 🙁

    October 5, 2016 at 4:04 am #113249

    I have to wonder what his side of the situation is. Perhaps after talking and your dates, he was feeling a little overwhelmed and felt the need to slow things down by playing the “just friends” card. Is there any chance you may have really liked this guy and come off too strong at first? I could be completely wrong but what I see happening here is he prpbably got scared for whatever reason and had to step on the breaks. Once you backed down a little bit, he was comfortable again and you guys hung out. 4 days isn’t that bad to go without talking to someone you aren’t in a relationship with, UNLESS you guys talked nonstop before the date. Then yeah it’s a little weird. I doubt he is stinging you along…hes got a kid. Probably doesn’t have time for games. (Again I could be totally wrong) my best advice to you would be to keep living your life, doing the things that make you happy and he will notice you being independent. If hes interested he will come around on his own.

    October 5, 2016 at 9:27 am #113300

    Thanks for your reply! Found it helpful.

    He got rather emotional after he pulled the plug and was almost second guessing himself.. I don’t mind being friends but I guess it just comes with the premise that it won’t be anything like before.. And if he starts dating someone else well it’ll kinda hurt.. Although he’s assured me there is no one else and his heads just not in it atm to date.. feel like even though we are still new to each other we clicked so well.. It’s a kinda sucky situation but I’m going to take your advice and just do things for me.

    Many thanks ?

    October 9, 2016 at 5:15 pm #113549

    As a 30 y/o male (stated for perspective purposes) I read this as stringing you along until he finds a nsa woman. The thing with being single is you lack emotional connection which despite stereotypes us men still need. I see his ghosting into how are you as him finding himself lonely one night and felt confident you would respond. I think the second date (sure you called it as friends, but I’m sure at least in his mind there was a subcontext of date) is a perfect example of how us men never quite give up that it will be different the next time around and if we flirt well enough we’ll get laid. I could certainly be wrong, but from my perspective, despite you still liking him, I think you should run like hell. I believe he will continue trying to get in your pants but is not likely to pursue further than that. I also think the ghosting shows there is a very high likely hood that if he does manage to sleep with you he will disappear because the chase for a conquest will be over.