Friend-zoned…

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Friend-zoned…

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    mark12397
    Participant
    May 7, 2014 at 6:29 pm #52401
    Friend-zoned…

    I’m absolutely head over heels in love with her (let’s call her Jane). I want nothing more than to have a relationship with her. She lives right across the street from me, and we see each other all the time. I became good friends with her during my last relationship, and I kept it at a friendship in order to be faithful to my girlfriend, but I still liked Jane. A lot. Well my relationship with my ex fizzled out and we broke up. Two months later, I’d spent an incredible amount of time with Jane, and I told her how I feel. She friend-zoned me. I can’t begin to tell you how much we have in common, and how well our conversations go, it’s meant to be I swear it is. I sound pathetic, but I’ve never in my life felt this way about a girl. This has been going on since January, and it’s driving me insane. I have dreams about her every night, all of our friends want us to date. The only thing stopping this from happening is her. This is the girl I’ve been looking for for my whole life…


    lulu2010
    Participant
    May 7, 2014 at 11:12 pm #52407

    Sounds like you were too good for her, just give her time and space. If she thinks it is meant to be, she will come around. In the meantime, get out there, grab a hobby, keep yourself as busy as you possibly can, try not to think about her. Best things happen when you least expect it.


    Anonymous
    May 10, 2014 at 2:39 am #52595

    What reason did she give for wanting to keep you in the friend zone?


    theguy33
    Participant
    May 10, 2014 at 4:42 am #52602

    Honestly, in the end, its her decision whether she wants something more out of this relationship. This may be brutal, but if she decides to want to stay friends, then drop her and move on. Don’t continue to torture yourself by remaining close friends with her, hoping one day she will jump at you. It will never happen. Hey, you stepped up and told her how you feel; which is the best thing you could have done. That takes real passion and bravery, and she knows that. Given your description, this seems like a relationship full of chemistry and companionship, she would be foolish of her to let you go. Some girls like to play guys along to boost their low self-esteem and constant need for attention. Trust me, I know what it’s like to get friend zoned, in fact I should write a book on my experiences in the friend zone, given there are so many. All I can say man, is you will learn from this experience, as much as you believe she is the one, there are other fish in the sea.


    Dontello
    Participant
    May 11, 2014 at 1:33 am #52608

    I think you need to pull out for a while then talk to her again


    mark12397
    Participant
    May 12, 2014 at 12:10 am #52618

    She didn’t give me any reason for doing that. I wasn’t quite in the mood to ask her at the time. We’ve talked about again a couple of times since then and she gets deep in thought each time. I don’t know if it’s out of being uncomfortable or if she’s contemplating it, maybe weighing the odds, I don’t know. Regardless, she knows how good I’ll be for her, and dammit every one of our friends knows too. I don’t even just want her for myself, I care for her more than I care to explain and I want to make her happy. The joy I get out of that is unreal. I’m in the Army and I’m shipping out for a month of training coming up in 7 weeks. That will be a good break between us where I think she’ll realize how much she’s taken me for granted. It will give her some time to reevaluate our relationship and we’ll see where it goes from there. Thanks for your input guys.


    Anonymous
    May 15, 2014 at 10:22 am #52927

    I’m absolutely head over heels in love with her (let’s call her Jane). I want nothing more than to have a relationship with her. She lives right across the street from me, and we see each other all the time. I became good friends with her during my last relationship, and I kept it at a friendship in order to be faithful to my girlfriend, but I still liked Jane. A lot. Well my relationship with my ex fizzled out and we broke up. Two months later, I’d spent an incredible amount of time with Jane, and I told her how I feel. She friend-zoned me. I can’t begin to tell you how much we have in common, and how well our conversations go, it’s meant to be I swear it is. I sound pathetic, but I’ve never in my life felt this way about a girl. This has been going on since January, and it’s driving me insane. I have dreams about her every night, all of our friends want us to date. The only thing stopping this from happening is her. This is the girl I’ve been looking for for my whole life…

    kevinalexander
    kevinalexander
    Participant
    May 16, 2014 at 2:49 pm #53043

    Hey Mark – Friend Zoning oftentimes actually comes down to the actions the guy is making. Such as coming on too strong, too fast, in a non-smooth way, and essentially almost forcing the girl to make a decision logically about being in a relationship.

    Sound familiar?

    Stop it. Love isn’t logical, and the hardest part about this incredibly successful piece of advice is that it works like a charm.

    Move on.

    Start dating other girls (1-2 per week), and actually move on from her as best as possible. If you guys start hanging out again (which you will once she gets jealous and curious about you), just treat it as normal, and let the whole thing flow naturally. It should mostly be her idea that she expresses to be in a relationship.

    Flip it around for a second, and imagine a girl you don’t want to be with is crying at your doorstep begging you to explain why you don’t want to be with her. Annoying? Yes. I believe in you, Mark. We can do this.


    djg3665
    Participant
    May 16, 2014 at 4:04 pm #53051

    My question for you is whether things have changed since you attempted to get out of the friend zone? Does she treat you any differently than she did when she acting under the pretenses that you were just friends?

    The problem may be that you are making yourself too available for her, sometimes scarcity helps to spark interest. If you always answer her messages or you are always willing to go out when she asks, she has no reason to change from the zone since you hare giving her what she needs by sacrificing what you need.


    mark12397
    Participant
    May 19, 2014 at 12:00 pm #53045

    And another thing, I’ve never asked her to explain why she doesn’t want to be with me, and my feelings for her have only come up in conversation since I told her how I felt. I’ve respected how she said she felt.


    mark12397
    Participant
    May 19, 2014 at 12:00 pm #53044

    Thanks for the advice Kevin. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me, but it’s the first time I felt this strongly about her when it did. I’ve learned in the past that my problem was coming on too fast, not smoothly, and before giving her any hints I had interest, basically taking her by surprise and putting her in a difficult spot. I’m a friendly guy and girls know that and realize there’s no challenge in them pursuing me (girls are weird) and basically take advantage of me being friendly and not the typical douche bag girls go after.

    So here’s the problem with Jane. She lives across the street from me, and we constantly see each other and are always talking. She depends on me for someone to talk to. She’s one of those girls who doesn’t get along with other girls great. It’s pretty obvious now that we’re in a best friend zone really, but when we’re together, we’re always flirty.


    mark12397
    Participant
    May 19, 2014 at 12:04 pm #53083
    Reply To: Friend-zoned…

    I went two weeks without texting her, or when I did respond, it was one word answers. I was angry with her about they way things occurred when I expressed my feelings for her. Well after the two weeks, we went to a military ball together where I had a date and she didn’t. By the end of the night and towards the end of the after party, we actually talked. We ended up outside where we argued for about thirty minutes about everything that had been happening in the past month when I told her how I felt. The entire time she was crying, which she doesn’t do very much.

    My point is, she cares for me just as much as I care for her, just in a different sector of caring I guess. Maybe she does have feelings for me like that, but for whatever reason she is scared to actually take our relationship to that level.

    I made myself unavailable, and she knows that I can get other girls and has seen me with other girls. And when I separate myself from her, it hurts her really, really bad.


    kksaur
    Participant
    May 20, 2014 at 1:35 am #53262
    Reply To: Friend-zoned…

    Being friend zoned sucks.


    fitnessguy
    Participant
    May 20, 2014 at 11:04 am #53325
    Reply To: Friend-zoned…

    She may be too afraid to lose you as a friend if things do not pan out in a relationship. If you are giving her an ultimatum you will be forcing her into a very uncomfortable position. Give it time, man. Make sure you go through all the stages of attraction and seduction. It can happen if she is attracted to you. Stop being a friend and start being someone she can see herself dating. It is extremely important to establish that attraction whether its physical or emotional. Keep dating other girls too. Eventually, she will cave and will see you more desirable than ever. I have been through this and it sucks. Stop telling her your feelings and start being more flirtatious and playful. Girls can be extremely difficult because they are so much into feelings and all that other crap. Feelings are important but you need to focus on changing her feelings for you. Good luck!


    Anonymous
    May 21, 2014 at 12:29 am #53361
    Reply To: Friend-zoned…

    I don’t think she is trying to friendzoned you, maybe you never tell her exactly what you want to happen, make it clear for her, and give her some time to decide, if she really doesn’t want to answer then maybe she has a reason but she has to give you answer so you won’t be left hanging.

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