Friends to more than just friends…..

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Friends to more than just friends…..

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    boimaui
    Participant
    November 21, 2012 at 2:46 am #16890
    Friends to more than just friends…..

    Ok so she is 22 im 29 started of just as friends hanging out and talking all the time. Opened up to me all her dark secrets. Grew up in a abusive family physically and mentally. After a month of spending time we got intimate. No drinking it just happened. After we talked she said. She is afraid to go further than friends because all her relationships went bad and she didnt want to lose me. So she asked me not to be weird. I told her ok. Now I barley see her or hear from her. Ask to hang out she says she is busy cus of finals are around and she is in Pre med. Dont know wat to do. Friends told be shes confused and give her time. I feel we have a great connection. Dont want to see to desperate wanting to spend time with her. Been about 4 days since we spent quality time together. Should i be upfront and tell her how I feel or just give her space. Help with any advice.

    JoeVL
    JoeVL
    Participant
    November 21, 2012 at 12:06 pm #16971

    Do you really like her? Or do you you like the fact that there’s a hurdle you have to jump over first?

    Sounds like you enjoy the thrill of this cat-mouse game and if you’re not 100% sure you genuinely like her, you’ll probably end up dumping her late because you’re no looking at this with a clear mind.

    No sur if that helps


    boimaui
    Participant
    November 21, 2012 at 4:37 pm #17073

    yes i really like her.

    sara
    sara
    Participant
    November 22, 2012 at 12:15 am #17103

    I think you should go and talk to her and ask her about your relationship. If she will be interested in you then she should take a few steps to make this relationship work.


    Anonymous
    November 27, 2012 at 11:26 pm #17429

    This is a tough one! You are dealing with a girl who has probably little to no experience in trusting a man….especially if her father is one of the people who abused her. Let me give you a clearer picture of what you’re in for….

    an EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER!!!! She will so badly want to connect with you, then she’ll pull away…this will be a very common thing…the moment anything gets challenging with you, she will RUN faster than a kid going for his Christmas presents…then she’ll recover…then she’ll want to reconnect cuz she misses you. I promise you that she will have a part of her that never trusts you and she will always hold back. You will never have her whole heart.

    She is some seriously damaged goods….not that it is not fixable, but she’s got to do some therapy or something…some kind of work to heal all the damage that she had to survive. Otherwise, she will always be a mess and it only gets worse as she gets older.

    So stay away if you don’t want that mess…be careful of your need to try to fix her or be her hero…that’s a wonderful and sweet gesture, but one that will end up biting you in that ass with the kind of life she grew up in.

    Sadly enough, there are not many girls left that don’t have some kind of story like that. What you want to look for is a girl who gets help about it…a girl who has good accountability, a girl who will take responsibility for her emotional baggage instead of blaming you for it…that is someone you will have a healthier experience with….this girl will only play games with you…she’s the type where the worse you treat her, the more she will come running after you….the nicer you are, the more she will pull away…..so if you REALLY REALLY want to be with her, then ignore her and make her work for your attention….but then, by doing that, you just support her belief system that she can never trust a guy….so it’s up to you what you want to deal with.