gf saw a text from my ex on my phone, need advice

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gf saw a text from my ex on my phone, need advice

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    anon108
    Participant
    February 22, 2017 at 8:58 pm #127898
    gf saw a text from my ex on my phone, need advice

    I’ve been dating this women for 6 month were both in our early 30’s, she’s going through a divorce and has a child a few years old. We broke broke up 2 month ago and decided to stay friends, the friendship was good for us and I felt it helped us reconnect again. We hooked up on valentines day and decided to try to work it out and get back together, on the weekend we went for lunch and I was showing her something on my phone in the process of giving her the phone she noticed i looked at porn on my phone, I don’t think she thought it was a big deal but her comment was “i want to see what your watching, i want to make it’s not kiddie porn or anything weird” fine, I didn’t see an issue and i showed her what i was watching and let her look through it.. while sitting across from her she decided to go through my phone and look at my text messages, one of the text message was from an ex from years ago. She reached out to reconnect and we spoke over text for a few day’s, it was nice to reconnec


    anon108
    Participant
    February 22, 2017 at 8:58 pm #127899

    and see where we were in life. There was never any intention to see each other. My girlfriend saw this and she was angry & upset that i also shared some of the same photos i sent to her and also goodbye good mornings i sent her. Now i agree it’s inappropriate, and she has good reason to be upset. But i never cheated on her and there was no intent to do so, she’s consider’s it cheating and now wants me to prove to her she’s the most important thing to me. Understandable. However i also feel like my privacy was violated at the same time and i feel like she never trusted me from the beginning and i never gave her any other reason to be. I just also feel she had no right to go through my phone, i was always honest with her. I also see this in other things she did like go through my dresser or closet without asking me, or rummaging through my car because she saw something interesting. Is this normal? Truth be told, the conversation with the ex was limited to just that. I had no intentions o


    Confused_83
    Participant
    February 23, 2017 at 12:37 am #127910

    I have mixed emotions about this, really. While I agree that she should not have looked at your messages without permission – and is most likely a result of past issues, I also feel that you definitely should not have been texting that much to an ex. The problem is that it shows a lack of dedicated investment in your current relationship, and sends the message that you’re not committed to making it work. If you leave your options open, you aren’t going to keep anyone around. And if you can’t be dedicated to one relationship, then you should move on.


    ronc97
    Participant
    February 23, 2017 at 8:58 am #127924

    I honestly think of you think the relationship is too good to end , then you should really make her feel special , that’s a big deal as she thinking that she’s not good enough , make the effort , take her to dinner , or honestly the most effective way to get her to listen to you is get personal and emotional with her


    anon108
    Participant
    February 23, 2017 at 8:59 am #127900

    of cheating on my gf behind her back and would just ended contact with my ex, it was never more than conversation. I love my gf and I have serious intentions but I feel like there’s huge trust issue and it’s unfair to me that she wants me to jump through hoops over an inappropriate text. I’ve always been there for her and have treated her well.

    With that said I would like you advice.


    GloriaS
    Participant
    February 28, 2017 at 6:50 am #128460

    Honesty is everything! I think you can be friends with an ex, as long as you explain to your current girlfriend it does not take anything away from the relationship. And also very important be honest, if it does take something away from the current relationship it is time to stop.


    alabamadan
    Participant
    February 28, 2017 at 6:14 pm #128588

    I think you need to tell her to be respectful of your boundaries.. it’s not cool to go through your belongings.. I understand she has a kid and wants to make sure everything is fine if she will have you around but if she can’t trus you that much she should screen you a little bit longer before committing fully.that’s what I would do.

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    March 1, 2017 at 5:14 pm #128723

    she has baggage.. big time
    i’d think again about continuing this.

    saying hello with an ex- is quite common and it is NOT cheating. most especially just exchanging texts!

    this one is not a stable one…


    wanderer
    Participant
    March 1, 2017 at 10:54 pm #128738

    Not cool, bro! lol Honestly, if I were you – I’d be pretty offended. For one, she definitely violated your privacy by looking through more then just the porn. Two, she’s violating the trust between you two… Granted, I can see how the messages from your ex seems sketch but she shouldn’t of been snooping in the first place. You gave her no reason to not trust you but she’s taking it as you have broken her trust. Which I don’t see at all, you were just speaking to your ex – no lovey dovey crap then I don’t see the issue. You should tell her you won’t message your ex again and that she needs to trust you. This is definitely not cheating. You were just checking up on each other which is harmless – when you’ve been with an ex for awhile it’s normal to be curious as to how they are doing as long as you don’t cross the line. If your current girlfriend can’t process that this was not cheating and to learn to trust you better then this relationship is headed for a rocky path.