Girl I've been talking to for a long time has become much less talkative of late

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Girl I've been talking to for a long time has become much less talkative of late

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    thisismyaccount
    thisismyaccount
    Participant
    December 21, 2016 at 8:54 am #120786
    Girl I've been talking to for a long time has become much less talkative of late

    I’ve been talking with this girl for about 3.5 months. I met her online, and we’ve been texting quite a bit. Very early on we discovered that we live in the same small town (she’d posted on a regional forum personals site). We’ve exchanged pictures, of course, and talked on the phone a number of times, but not for almost 3 weeks now. For a while, between the 1 and 3 month marks, we talked almost constantly. Like, on average a text every 5 minutes during the hours we were both awake, probably. I think, emotionally, since I’m dissatisfied with my job, I became dependent on these constant communications with a person I was growing to care for more and more as a source of happiness, one of my few.

    thisismyaccount
    thisismyaccount
    Participant
    December 21, 2016 at 8:54 am #120787

    Part 2:

    But in the past three weeks, she’s felt pretty miserable, from what she’s told me. There are a number of reasons I think why this is the case, including a couple sicknesses she was beset by in early November that are lingering, but in short, she says she does not feel well, emotionally or physically. This has somewhat coincided with a decrease in her talkativeness. Where once we wouldn’t go ten minutes without texting each other, now we’ll go hours and hours. We’ve gone nearly a day at the time of this post, the longest we’ve gone without talking in two months. And where once she would begin conversations with me as often as I would with her, now she doesn’t seem to want to talk as much, and sometimes, it seems, at all. And I’m trying to give her her space, because I know talking with someone that often can be exhausting and she doesn’t need to be exhausted right now, but at the same time, I’m craving her conversation.

    thisismyaccount
    thisismyaccount
    Participant
    December 21, 2016 at 9:13 am #120789

    Part 3:

    I was glutted early on, and she seemed to want to share everything with me, which I loved, and now it doesn’t feel that way. She’s told me a couple times in the past couple weeks, once unsolicited about two weeks ago, once because I worried aloud about it this past weekend, that her decrease in talkativeness has nothing to do with me or us. But it’s still difficult not to feel like I don’t interest her anymore, and it’s hard for me not to get in touch with her, especially at work. There’s a disconnect between what I know, or at least what I believe from what she says, and from how it feels. It’s putting me in a pretty dark place. I feel truly depressed and hopeless for maybe the first time in my life. The world has been drained of color again, but now that I know what it’s like to see color, it makes the grey that much worse.

    thisismyaccount
    thisismyaccount
    Participant
    December 21, 2016 at 9:13 am #120788

    I was glutted early on, and she seemed to want to share everything with me, which I loved, and now it doesn’t feel that way. She’s told me a couple times in the past couple weeks, once unsolicited about two weeks ago, once because I worried aloud about it this past weekend, that her decrease in talkativeness has nothing to do with me or us. But it’s still difficult not to feel like I don’t interest her anymore, and it’s hard for me not to get in touch with her, especially at work. There’s a disconnect between what I know, or at least what I believe from what she says, and from how it feels. It’s putting me in a pretty dark place. I feel truly depressed and hopeless for maybe the first time in my life. The world has been drained of color again, but now that I know what it’s like to see color, it makes the grey that much worse.

    thisismyaccount
    thisismyaccount
    Participant
    December 21, 2016 at 9:34 am #120803

    Part 4:Sometimes there’ll be bursts of conversation where she’s clearly interested in talking to me, but most times there’ll be terse, one or two word responses to questions I ask. The most recent of these engaged bursts happened a couple nights ago.

    Basically, I don’t want to be needy. I just want to be there for her when she needs me. I was hoping someone might have advice on how to deal with this change without adding yet another burden unnecessarily onto her plate. I don’t want to be texting her asking for her opinions on inane, random things just so I can talk with her if she doesn’t want to. I want to do whatever little I can remotely to help her get through this period.

    TL;DR – Been texting a girl a lot for three months. Haven’t talked as much recently, which has been tough for me. But she’s going through a much, much tougher time herself. Please help me be what she needs. How often should I text her, express my support, remind her that I’m here for her? How much is too much?

    thisismyaccount
    thisismyaccount
    Participant
    December 21, 2016 at 1:15 pm #120872

    EDIT: For clarification, she was with solely her mother for most of the time that we had been talking a lot. Now, she is with extended family (parents, siblings, nephews/nieces) as far as I know, for Christmas.

    EDIT 2: I’ve been given a lot of different advice on how to deal with this. “Don’t text her until she texts you again, she has to start missing you.” “Women like a persistent man, make sure you stay in her mind by staying in touch.” And everything in between. I have no idea what the right route is. I waver between both all the time.

    2017winter
    2017winter
    Participant
    December 21, 2016 at 7:34 pm #120907

    How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?

    • This reply was modified 10 months ago by 2017winter 2017winter. Reason: grammar
    2017winter
    2017winter
    Participant
    December 21, 2016 at 7:39 pm #120908

    Honestly, I would text her if you feel like texting her, if she hasn’t told you she needs space. However, you might not like the fact that she continues not to respond as much, and then it will be time to move on. Friendship, or whatever it is, can’t be conditional. Sure, she may be going through some hard times, but she also has to know that she can’t just care for the connection when she wants to, leaving you in the dark. Thing is, until she tells you exactly what she wants and /or what’s going on, you won’t know – you can imagine anything you want, but you just won’t know. And you can’t depend on hearing from her either way. It sounds like you might need to spend more time looking for a new job, hanging with friends, doing things that make you happy that don’t include communicating with her.


    Anonymous
    December 24, 2016 at 2:53 am #120999

    women generally do not do well with phone conversations for a long time. After a while, they wanna meet and take things a step further else they get bored and start shifting attention to something or someone else. i think that you should let her know what you want and if its more than an online frienship, you should start considerimng meeting. In Other news, this widely recognised programmer, Internet security expert/analyst and developer just helped save my relationship. he hacked my partners cellphone and granted me remote access. what i found out was disheartening but it helped me realize the kind of person she was. His services include: private investigations, ethical/unethical hacking, nabbing cheating partners, Monitoring children / employees remotely/ mobile phone hacks, communications apps (Whatsapp, etc), email, social media accounts (facebook, twitter, instagram etc)(follower increase) and improving credit scores. he can be reached via email at greyhathacker072@gmail.com


    AcesDJD
    Participant
    December 26, 2016 at 4:47 am #121051
    Reply To: Girl I've been talking to for a long time has become much less talkative of late

    I’m in my late thirties, obviously don’t know everything or I wouldn’t be on here, but I’ve been around the block a few times on these things.

    First, seems like you’re way overanalyzing. I know its tough in the moment, but generally if her interest is declining and she stops communicating the whole thing is likely over unless you had a previous relationship with her. Once you start doing mental gymnastics about all the stress in her life or her her health or her studies or whatever the reason may be, its likely she’s not that into you anymore. A woman that likes you will want to share her tough goings on with you, not avoid you.

    In the future, do try to meet early on if possible, I’d say no more than two weeks of online/phone communication before you set up a date. I don’t necessarily agree that she’ll get bored (although possible) but women have so many more options than men do and after awhile its likely someone else will ask her out, her ex will try to get together etc.


    maxsoccercont
    Participant
    December 26, 2016 at 5:43 am #121056
    Reply To: Girl I've been talking to for a long time has become much less talkative of late

    Ask to talk over the phone rather than texting.