Girl with a boyfriend: help

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Girl with a boyfriend: help

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    luckdog313
    Participant
    November 28, 2012 at 11:36 pm #17494
    Girl with a boyfriend: help

    A girl that I like a lot and she told me she feels the same, but she still has a boyfriend.

    We met because she is a cousin of a friend I hang out with. She is a super sweet, innocent, smart and lovable girl that I really can’t stop thinking about.

    Her and the boyfriend have been together for 8 years since the sophmore year. So her boyfriend and her had a break up for about two weeks three months ago and at that time she started hunting me more. We met at a party and we ended up snuggling after, but nothing more because I was confused if she was single or not. Turns out she was but on the fence about patching it with her BF or getting with me. She gave me her number

    The last three months we text every other day and its pretty bad that we’re secretly trying to get to know eachother without the BF knowing. I told her how I feel and she told me she feels the same, but thae night we snuggled was a mistake and I agree too. she got back together with him because she felt 8 years shoudl be savable with all the time they both put into the relationship. I agree with her, but it hurts me.

    She drunk calls me when she is unhappy, she texts me “the BF is mad at me and I just can’t feel any commitment from him”. ive told her that I want to be the one by her side, but she wants to wait unitl the BF has to leave for Pyschology school off in a different state. she cant do a long distance relationsihp so thats when they will break it off. she says “i understand if you can’t wait for me then go on ahead with someone else, but I can’t give you an answer”. i understand and respect that statement she said

    in the meantime we talk all the time, but im trying to build up a speech to tell her we need to stop talking cuz im broken that I can’t be with her.

    so there are a few options
    1. I really do like her a lot and I think she is worth the wait, but my heart can’t keep holding on. The more I talk to her the more I fear that Maybe they won’t break up, but he is going out of state so its a good chance, but it will be a while as in whenever he gets his acceptance letter from his school. I do have time and will give time if its worth it. Should I wait for her?

    2. Should I tell her that she is using me like an emotional crutch as in I’m the emotional piece in her relationship as a secret and that she needs to leave me be. I think if I leave her be she will absolutely find that I am a key ingredient to a better relationship she wants so bad and she will beg me to come over to her side. She is definatley worth the wait, but I don’t deserve to be the secret boyfriend to help her survive when she could just dump the old BF and get with me.

    I’m torn so any advice?

    steamroller78
    steamroller78
    Participant
    November 29, 2012 at 2:44 pm #17673

    Sounds like you’re caught up in her puppet game. You may like the chase, not the girl. I’d walk away (easier said than done, I know) But you’re gonna get hurt dude.

    knock knock
    knock knock
    Participant
    December 6, 2012 at 9:48 am #18295

    Just BRIEFLY tell her you don’t feel like this is a fair relationship and you’re interested in being more than friends with her. If she still doesn’t know what she wants–listen here luckydog- if she could play TWO guys now, she sure as hell would do it again if she were to end up with you. So think about it, if she can “cheat” with her boyfriend –she can definitely do it behind your back as well.


    Anonymous
    December 6, 2012 at 5:36 pm #18357

    I completely agree with “knock knock”. If she is doing this to her BF after 8 years, she sure as heck is going to do the same thing with you! Do you not want a girl who has the ability to be honest and authentic? Because she is not one of them. I”m sorry your heart got so involved, but you have to look at yourself….what are you doing getting all caught up with a girl who is NOT AVAILABLE???? And don’t think for one second that even if they do break up, that you will not be a rebound for her….because that’s EXACTLY what you would be….especially since she’s been with him for 8 years….in the beginning, things might be all wonderful and cozy, but just give it some time and she will want her BF back, or she will miss him, or she will lose feelings for you! You are asking for a HUGE mess and a major heartache if you continue to move forward with this girl. Go find yourself a girl who is available and able to offer you her whole heart. You deserve that! You don’t deserve to be second hand!!! Because that’s what you are to her right now.

    carlycatz
    carlycatz
    Participant
    December 7, 2012 at 10:09 am #18366

    Yea, I agree with heidi!

    You don’t REALLY like her, you just like the excitement of there being a CHANCE for you to come in like a superhero- she breaks up with the bf, you come flying in just in time to catch her as she falls, you whisk her away into a far far land– all to just be heart broken because she realized she made a mistake and so she runs off to her ex.


    ch33s3n1p
    Participant
    December 8, 2012 at 8:13 pm #18441

    All I needed to read was the first sentence. Tell her it’s you or the BF. If she says anything besides you, then walk away. This isn’t complicated.