Girlfriend's Past

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Girlfriend's Past

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    cristianmg13
    Participant
    May 26, 2016 at 11:34 pm #101510
    Girlfriend's Past

    I want to preface this with this bit of background essential to the question coming. I have been dating my gf for 3 months now and Im a Jr and shes a sphomore both in college. So 3-4 years or so ago, she has told me, after I asked, that she would make out but never had sex with a friend of mine who used to be in my circle in high school. Me and my friend were never exactly the closest but nonetheless he was still my friend. I do not have solid evidence, but a feeling in me believes that this friend of mine who I dont speak to much since I left high school may be mad at me and may try to at some point make a move on my girlfriend, which I have spoken to her about and told me that even back then she was never into him at an emotional level. Is it wrong of me to have made a move on my gf even 3/4 yrs later? At this point we are both starting to fall for each other pretty hard and her past is her past and Im not going to break up with her cuz of this, but he is starting to make me mad


    cristianmg13
    Participant
    May 26, 2016 at 11:43 pm #101511

    As a boyfriend, would it be wrong of me to respectfully ask to deny any contact that he may try and make with her and for her to delete him from all social profiles? I know if I asked her to do so she would as she knows if something bothered me that much to tell her in the first place then she knows its not out of jelousy or hate/spite, but I dont want to be over stepping on her by doing so. Please note that I’m not the type of person to tell her to stop all communication with another male friend of hers just because I don’t like the person.
    ***She is not currently in contact, and hasnt been since months before we began dating, with this “friend” of mine. He just always does thing that can be construed to be as flirty, such as always liking and retweeting all her social media posts (which I know in its self is does not necessarily mean anything, Im not petty like that either). Its just the guy instinct in me on this and a couple other behaviors.

    NickZ
    NickZ
    Participant
    May 27, 2016 at 11:15 am #101535

    Try one thing with her, but very gently. Do the same way, but easily. For example, tell or imitate you’ve just talked to your ex. The goal is to see her reaction. If that’s ok for her, she doesn’t care too much. If she overreacts, you may let her feel what you feel. That conversation can result in mutual concessions!

    JarodOner
    JarodOner
    Participant
    May 30, 2016 at 6:05 pm #101621

    I wouldn’t freak out until something out of the ordinary pops off.

    If he ends up calling her all the time, or you hear about him being at the same party as her and trying to get at her THEN ask her to delete and remove the guy from all social networks.

    But until then, I’d just leave it alone. A make-out in high school shouldn’t bother you, brotha.

    Now if they slept together until you guys started dating, that’s a different story.

    Just let him stay his obnoxious self and move on with her.


    Anonymous
    June 5, 2016 at 12:54 am #102184

    Your guy instincts make sense. Nothing wrong with it, but where it crosses the line is when you start to control someone else because of it. Reality is, this is YOUR problem. It’s an insecurity that is all your own. Nothing is happening! And if it does, then you will deal with it at that point. She is a grown woman and can handle it herself. And if she doesn’t handle it well….then it lets you know the kind of person she is anyways…don’t you want to know something like that sooner than later? Asking her to delete and end all contact with him is not appropriate when this is about your insecurity. Maybe try discussing it with her and just letting her know how it makes you feel. Then let her decide how she wants to take care of it, without you trying to control the situation. Letting her choose how to handle it will either bring you closer together or create distance between you guys. Like I already said, better to know this kind of stuff sooner than later!!!