March 8, 2017 at 10:39 pm #129523
How can I gain confidence to approach women that I find attractive ? everywhere I go from grocery stores, book stores, coffee shops outside of them. I don’t see men approaching women at all. There’s so many attractive women where I live but I don’t see any action from anybody.why is this ? I’m in the same boat of the 99% of men who can’t go up and talk to girls. I’m really frustrated by this and having extreme confidence problem that is hurting my chance with finding a relationship.
awkwardintimacyParticipantMarch 9, 2017 at 11:18 am #129590
I imagine it’s tough trying to figure out what behavior is appropriate, but if you’re genuinely just interested in meeting new people and talking to an attractive stranger I don’t see anything wrong with just striking up a simple conversation. If you’re out at the grocery store and you see an attractive woman, make a friendly (non creepy) comment about something she’s purchasing. Something like “Have you tried using _____ in your pasta sauce? So good!” It doesn’t have to be overly intrusive, and you don’t even have to make it about picking someone up. You’re just striking up a conversation. Don’t get too caught up in what everyone else is doing, if you like someone and you want to talk to them, just say “Hi, how are you?” Simple.March 9, 2017 at 7:59 pm #129681
I’m sorry but any women I walk by i’m just sexually attracted to them, i can’t help it. not looking for them to be friends with me though if it would happen that would help as well. But really i’m looking to date them. it’s just how it is for me at this point. i’m more interested in sex and dating and maybe a long term relationship. But I also like what you said about making it a more of a causal thing then picking them up. it’s hard to do that when your trying to look for dates. But I get where you are coming from. I also wanted to start putting myself out there and would like to have someone I can talk to about my progress. I can help to but I can give anyone advice seens i’m in the beginning stages.
MosquitoSmasherParticipantMarch 10, 2017 at 9:09 am #129695
I understand you so well in that and it’s extremely frustrating. I live close to the city and lots of extremely attractive women are here as well. And you know how those Youtube channels like David Wygant and Stephen Ertman make it sound so easy to just approach them, say one or two words and before you know it you have a nice conversation. It all sounds so easy but it really isn’t. On another forum there was a post by a guy that met a girl in the subway, had a brief chat and in this case it actually was her that asked for his number. I honestly never had happen to me, wouldn’t mind. I guess anything is possible my friend and i wish you luck, i wish i had the right kind of advice for you.March 15, 2017 at 8:09 pm #130231
Thanks man. I appreciate the help and the resources you have given me. I want to try to beat my social anxiety and go out and talk to people more but it’s really hard. I feel I need like a game plan when I go out these days. you know what I mean ?
VitaniParticipantMarch 15, 2017 at 9:26 pm #130235
You just have to do it and feel like a jackass. You’re going to mess up a lot (or maybe not, maybe you’re good at talking to women and haven’tgiven yourself a chance). Eventually after a lot of trial and error you’ll get it. There is a method. It’s like mathematics. You’re not going to know the quadratic formula if you don’t continuously try and solve unfactorable polynomials. As with women – you will not know how to approach or deal with other women until you do it a lot. At least I think this way, maybe it’s wrong.
TheDateManParticipantMarch 15, 2017 at 10:01 pm #130236
The key is starting out small. If you see an attractive woman it’s easy to come on too strong (e.g. you ask her out immediately, give her a deep compliment etc.). In today’s society even saying hi to a stranger can be seen as odd and most women will automatically assume they are being hit on (which they probably are). So your task is to try to make the first move by applying circumstantial themes. You can point out something interesting (e.g. if you are outside and the weather is bad comment on it and you can never go wrong with asking for directions or the time). Once you’ve made this first “contact” you’ve established that you did not initially approach her with any thought of hitting on her and that it is something that occurred to you while talking to her. Asking for a favour or making a relatable comment not only makes you seem more trustworthy, but it opens the other person up so they are more receptive and easy to talk to. Then you can slyly ask if you can get her number.
SonnyCrockettIVParticipantMarch 16, 2017 at 7:46 am #130241
Online dating for the win. Both people are in the same boat, the more you put yourself out there, the more confident you will become
tstudentParticipantMarch 17, 2017 at 3:22 pm #130434
The only way to become more confident is to gain experience. I’m quite shy as well. Every time I see a girl I like, I just go and say something along the lines “hi, you look cute, how’s your day?”. I suck at small talk, and it’s weird to talk to strangers where I live, so I prefer direct approaches, so I avoid the akward “why is he talking to me, do I know him?” reaction. First times when I did this, I could not even get the words out. I never expected I’d be THAT nervous. But doing this has really helped me to gain confidence. A few tips based on my experiences:
– Girls are more receptive when they are alone
– It’s easier to approach a girl who’s stationary, or walking slowly. Cafes and bus stops are great.
– Don’t get discouraged. Not everyone has time or interest for a conversation. Don’t expect to get many dates in the beginning. Rather think it as self development. A useful mindset: You approach a girl becausel you like her and want HER to feel good about herself.
Good luck!March 18, 2017 at 6:32 pm #130484
Thanks tstudent for you’re feed back. how do you keep the momentum going out and talking to the girls ? without wanting to staying inside when the anxiety creeps up on you an you don’t wanna go out ? do you do it everyday ? how do you keep your confidences up when you know start to loss it.
tstudentParticipantMarch 19, 2017 at 4:36 pm #130505
Well, having a great relationship is the biggest dream I have, I guess that’s what keeps me going. When I stay at home, I feel like I’m not doing anything to reach my goal. When I approach a girl, I have 3 reasons to do so:
1. How do I know, it may lead to something long-term.
2. No matter the outcome, the I will probably light up the girl’s day.
3. Personal growth and confidence.
And I’m not always (actually, ususally I’m not) confident. It’s a bit of a cliche, but “courage isn’t about not being afraid, it’s about being afraid and still doing it”. There are days when I don’t feel social at all. Still, if I meet a girl I like, I go to talk to her. May I ask you, what are your experiences about approaching girls? Have you ever done it before?
luck_12ParticipantMarch 20, 2017 at 8:51 am #130464
You have to approach an attractive girl with the mindset of “hey, this girl looks like she could be fun to hang out with” not “omg maybe this is the one that I will marry and start a family with??”
I say that as a socially awkward guy myself. I would immediately put a girl on a pedestal, which is the wrong thing to do. My friends taught me that I just gotta have the mindset of hanging out with an interesting girl, they never plan on a relationship until after they’ve hung out with her.
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