Got dumped and think I was maybe too nice

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Got dumped and think I was maybe too nice

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    problemchild
    Participant
    August 28, 2017 at 2:22 pm #147259
    Got dumped and think I was maybe too nice

    Long story short. My girlfriend revealed to me that an ex has come back into her life, has been making big plays for her and has convinced her there is unfinished business between them Prior to that she and I seemed to be quite in love. Our last conversation was about this. She said she felt two different kinds of love for each of us. That very morning we had made love and were deeply affectionate with each other. I planned to tell he I wanted her to move in with me, and build a life. I told her that during the breakup conversation, but I also told her I would let get go and that I would need space.
    I said more or less since this is goodbye I want to make sure I said everything I needed to. I told her I loved her. I told her I didn’t know how long it would be until or if we resumed being friends. We hugged, look each other in the eyes, and kissed. I put my hand on her cheek and told her I was going to walk away now, and that I hoped she would change her mind.


    problemchild
    Participant
    August 28, 2017 at 2:26 pm #147260

    What I am thinking now is I let her off the hook too easy. I am really angry at her for leading me on. A few days prior to this last conversation, we had decided to walk away. She texted me “ouch. this hurts.” “Can I come sleep with you?” Those sorts of things. Then she started sleeping over, left a love note, etc . . . The very morning of the final break up was the most affectionate one.

    I kind of want to text her and tell her she should have been more responsible and that I am angry and I kind of hate her now and need to make sure the door is slammed shut, let he know I am removing her from my FB not passive aggressive but because I want no reminders of her at all to the extent that that is possible.

    What do you think?


    John93-02
    Participant
    August 29, 2017 at 9:34 am #147350

    Move on man if she truly loved you she wouldn’t put you through this. Delete her off FB and just find someone else.


    problemchild
    Participant
    August 30, 2017 at 4:05 pm #147630

    I’m trying to do just that. But she is continuing to text me. First it was this:

    I’m trying to figure out how to make things better… I want to apologize to u for not telling u sooner that I was conflicted. I hope u know that it was only because of my confidence in loving u that I thought that I could just bury my past and go forward with u. It was careless on my part. I didn’t know I was gonna love u that much. I was wrong, and I am sorry. I am sorry that I hurt u like this. I’m sorry that I am young and naive and learning what I should’ve known. U r unlike anyone I’ve ever loved. I want u to forgive me if and when u feel like u can. I’ll be waiting.

    I ignored it. Then a day later this:

    I don’t expect u to say anything, but I do find your silence upsetting. U were so quick to walk away.


    problemchild
    Participant
    August 30, 2017 at 4:06 pm #147631

    I am torn between continued silence, or sending this reply:

    You should re-read your text messages to me all through last week. Consider the fact that you were in my bed whispering sweet nothings (forget the sex) all through the morning and into the afternoon, and then less than five hours later you decided to be with another man. I told you how I felt in the park. You made your choice clear. I didn’t walk away. You did. And quickly? Consider how you have spent your time since we left the park as well. I didn’t even know such a thing was possible. Your actions betray your words, not to mention me. It is cruel, selfish, and disrespectful to me for you to be asking me for anything right now, especially if you claim to love me. You could have had me in your life forever. You chose someone else. You have to be happy with your choices, not me. Live with it and leave me alone. What you did this past week was poison.

    What do you think?

    Richy Rich
    Richy Rich
    Participant
    August 30, 2017 at 5:52 pm #147683

    You got everything off your chest. Don’t text her again. Move on.


    problemchild
    Participant
    August 31, 2017 at 2:14 pm #147793

    Well, I sent it. Made me feel good for like a few hours. Regret it now. Motivations in both cases (super nice goodbye in the park) and text (stop texting me you betrayed me) were the same. Get the girl back.

    Bad motivation. Move on is good advice.

    Trying to get some freaking self-respect and do just that. Not easy so far.


    DesireeKrystal
    Participant
    September 1, 2017 at 12:14 pm #147901

    Greetings!
    I happened to see your post and I wanted to start my introduction like this. I have dealt with people who need advice for the better part of 6 years, but just as a doctor cannot do surgery on themselves, I cannot always deal with my own problems in the same manner.
    If you were to give me a load of reasons why you shouldn’t go after her, I would continue with “So?” to get down to the bottom of things.
    The real question is, do you love her, or are you trying to find a way to “move on” like everyone is saying? In this systematic way of life, we constantly forget that no matter what someone does, whether they seem strong at a point, there will be a day that they regret their harsh actions. Remember that whatever you say to her that is negative will have a negative consequence. That’s the reason why even if she’s mean to you, or is wrong in her actions at this moment, it is not under your jurisdiction to judge her. The only person you can really change and refine is yourself.


    problemchild
    Participant
    September 1, 2017 at 1:09 pm #147913

    I do love her. I was never confused about that. I am worried about the fact that that last text was mean. But the fact that she was with me the way she was, so tenderly and affectionately, only hours before going to meet her ex and then coming back to me and saying he said some really heavy things to her and they had unfinished business hurt like I can’t even tell you. She had been telling me she loved me too.

    I know I am not thinking straight right now.

    What I said to her in the park was that I wanted a life with her, an amazing life. What I did not say was that that would include a baby if that’s what she wanted. We never really discussed that too much, and she often said she didn’t want kids (though sometimes she said she did). On no evidence whatsoever except for the part that she said he had said all these heavy things to her, I am convinced he made the case that she and him never really had a chance because he was coming off a divorce when they first started dating.


    problemchild
    Participant
    September 1, 2017 at 1:15 pm #147914
    Reply To: Got dumped and think I was maybe too nice

    The day before she mentioned that she thought he was only looking to fill a void left by his divorce with her. .

    It is hard as I can possibly say to resist trying to reopen a conversation with her and let her know that I would also like a baby with her.

    But I have to be honest. He has something going for him that I don’t. He is 33. I am 49. She is 28.

    Because of her age, I did not pursue her. She pursued me for months before I just let it happen.

    Not once was I confused about loving her. Not once did she indicate she was confused about loving me. Until he showed back up and then it took her a while to say she was conflicted. She told me when we talked she felt like she was cutting off a limb. I made sure she knew the things I said were not because of her saying she was conflicted, and this was true. I told her I would get down on a knee right there, but that if I had to let her go, I would.

    Move on is the advice I am trying to take. Winning her back is what I want.


    problemchild
    Participant
    September 1, 2017 at 3:36 pm #147936
    Reply To: Got dumped and think I was maybe too nice

    DesireeKrystal,

    Do you view the text I sent her as too judgmental/negative? Would you suggest walking it back somehow?


    problemchild
    Participant
    September 2, 2017 at 12:02 am #148006
    Reply To: Got dumped and think I was maybe too nice

    Then, tonight, when I am holding the line of not contacting her she sends this:

    “If u want me to leave u alone, I will. I still think the conversation didn’t reach the closure I would’ve liked and I’d like to speak with u to set a few things straight that u just mentioned.”

    I think I might have just crossed the line into being furious.


    Anonymous
    September 2, 2017 at 8:18 am #148008
    Reply To: Got dumped and think I was maybe too nice

    The only weapon you can have is god and yourself.


    adreamerinjune
    Participant
    September 2, 2017 at 3:59 pm #148027
    Reply To: Got dumped and think I was maybe too nice

    Sorry to tell you but this isn’t love. You don’t do that to a person you love. You seem like a sweet person, you deserve someone better.


    Patman
    Participant
    September 2, 2017 at 7:03 pm #148042
    Reply To: Got dumped and think I was maybe too nice

    You should move on, if she loved you she’d show it..

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