Have I been friendzoned

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Have I been friendzoned

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    PrincessSolo
    Participant
    January 21, 2015 at 1:07 pm #71354
    Have I been friendzoned

    I met this guy 7 months ago on POF. It actually turns out that he was the brother of one of my close friends growing up so I had met him 10+ years before this. The past 7 months I have spent almost everyday with him and his son. We do everything together even stuff as silly as grocery shopping. He tells me I am his best friend which I don’t have a hard time believing because he talks to me about everything. He asks for my advice and help often. He has told me in time past that he doesn’t want a relationship because his ex and blah blah blah but he has said things like “if I ever did decide to date again no other girls would have a chance compared to you.” I was ok with the fact that he didn’t want a relationship so I went out on a few dates with this guy. I was telling him about it and he kinda got weird with me. I told him that this guy made me feel good because he had such a high opinion of me. His response was “but yet you never notice the million times that I compliment you :-/” I


    PrincessSolo
    Participant
    January 21, 2015 at 1:14 pm #71355

    I told him that it was different that this guy was being nice to me “not in a bff way where you have to be nice” He let it go and randomly later commented that “btw I recognize your awesome and not just in a bff way. You are a good woman.” Ok, thank you… I guess. When his friends call now they invite “us” to dinner. I have noticed lately that when things come up it is just assumed we are going together. He has started using “we” all the time instead of I. I haven’t heard him say “I have to…” in months. Even when its something that needs to be done at his house. It is always “we need to…” All that being said, after 7 months he hasn’t even so much as given me a hug. I’m so confused. I know I want him and his son in my life forever but I want a relationship and I am not sure if I will ever get that with him. Help!


    asdf
    Participant
    January 21, 2015 at 1:32 pm #71357

    It sounds as if you have been ‘friendzoned’. Coming from a guy with experience in the friendzone (a few too many times) he seems to look at you as a friend and nothing beyond that. The fact that you both do almost everything together and the fact that he goes out of his way to include you in his activities, however, is a major sign of hope. The best thing that you could do is to let him know how you feel. That is, in my opinion, the best way to go about it. Asking him blatantly would be great for you and him. If he feels the same as you do, congratulations. If he says that a friend is all that you will be than what happens after that is up to you. Either way there is no need to build up the anxiety. Just ask him


    Eve
    Participant
    January 21, 2015 at 1:39 pm #71359

    I actually disagree, I don’t think you are in his friendzone, he is just also confused what is going on, since you know each other for a really long time, and recently you’ve been going out with someone. Maybe it would be the easiest to just simply sit down once, and have an honest conversation about your feelings. I’m pretty sure he would also like to sort out things between you two. And considering your long-long history, I don’t think a conversation like that would scare him away forever.


    PrincessSolo
    Participant
    January 22, 2015 at 8:55 am #71361

    Eve, I know you are right. I think that is why I posted this. I am scared to death and don’t know how to say anything. His best friend’s wife cornered me over the weekend about it and I told her we were “just friends”. Her response was “Why?!?!”. I told her I felt that was all he saw me as and she was pretty baffled. I guess it all comes down to what if he doesn’t feel the same way and I make this weird? Because the reality is this is the most stable relationship of any kind that I have ever had.


    PrincessSolo
    Participant
    January 22, 2015 at 9:04 am #71378

    Eve, I know you are right. I think that is why I posted this. I am scared to death and don’t know how to say anything. His best friend’s wife cornered me over the weekend about it and I told her we were “just friends”. Her response was “Why?!?!”. I told her I felt that was all he saw me as and she was pretty baffled. I guess it all comes down to what if he doesn’t feel the same way and I make this weird? Because the reality is this is the most stable relationship of any kind that I have ever had.


    Converse
    Participant
    January 22, 2015 at 12:51 pm #71595

    It might be the most stable you’ve had but are you actually happy with it? If you were you probably wouldn’t have made this post. Of course it’s up to you to decide whether it’s worth taking the risk, but a stable relationship doesn’t necessarily mean it’s what you want or what’s best.


    PrincessSolo
    Participant
    January 22, 2015 at 3:42 pm #71611

    You’re right, I am not happy with it. It’s pretty frustrating to say the least and I know that something has got to give. I know I should just say something but I can’t. Trust me, I have tried many times.


    lostnloveam
    Participant
    January 24, 2015 at 9:59 am #71779

    I’m going through something very similar right now, and I understand your frustration to a tee. I have spent many a sleepless night trying to figure out just exactly what he’s thinking, but I’ve also realized recently that no matter what, I do enjoy the time I spend with him and I cherish our friendship. The best relationships are grounded in amazing friendships. Maybe just see where it leads, and in the meantime enjoy the happy times you have together. You never know what may come in the future.