Have I wasted the last 5 years?

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Have I wasted the last 5 years?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    bugslife
    bugslife
    Participant
    December 28, 2013 at 11:47 pm #45414
    Have I wasted the last 5 years?

    I will start by saying I know I may get bashed here, but please keep in mind I have a heart. 5 yrs ago I met a guy online, long distance, who is married. We started as friends but soon fell in love. He was wanting to leave his wife and after 2 years (yes 2 years) we met in person for the first and ONLY time. I’ve never loved anyone that much. He told me on that trip that we would be together, he promised. After about a year he told me he chose her. Of course the typical “you didn’t change, I changed”. I thought I would walk away from him but we did say we wanted to remain friends. He says everyday that he loves me and he needs me. He also says I should date. And says that when the time comes that I am serious about someone, then he will be happy for me and walk away. I truly love him, but I have started to see someone. It’s very new. But I still hold on to the little piece of hope that my miracle will happen and my guy will change his mind. Am I delusional? I’ve been through hell


    reinerlinker
    Participant
    December 30, 2013 at 3:52 pm #45472

    Hi,
    You have not wasted 5 Years. Something very similar happend to me: I found a girl over http://www.datingsites.ch/ and dated her a few Years. I fell in love and then she found an other guy. I was very sad. But I have to tell you something: DO NOT HOPE! Find a new Partner. You just wast your time. It is hard to tell but if he is not sure about you and him, he is not the right guy for you. You will sure find the right guy, but only if your mind is free! So start dating and stop thinking about the past.

    Regards Sam


    agk8450
    Participant
    January 2, 2014 at 6:57 pm #45670

    You didn’t waste time because now you know what not to do anymore! The past will only ruin the future so forget about it and take that experience into finding a more “real” relationship.

    ijurbangirl
    ijurbangirl
    Participant
    January 2, 2014 at 8:16 pm #45674

    You didn’t waste time because now you know what not to do anymore! The past will only ruin the future so forget about it and take that experience into finding a more “real” relationship.

    I agree with everyone here. I am sorry to hear that as I know that feels sorta. You just need to move on and realize she was maybe a bit of a jerk.


    focusingonchange
    Participant
    January 3, 2014 at 11:37 am #45700

    Hello! Get this – I had 13 yrs into mine. I heard the words I love you twice -both times I had to drag it out of him, & he cringed when he said it. I should have left then, but didn’t. I think I rec’d 1 1/2 compliments from him in all those yrs & they were half-baked compliments at that! He said he would never want to marry me, or anyone for that matter, & he always wanted to live alone! But said he “wanted me in his life”. Why? I broke up w/him after a terrible family trip (his family in NY of course) & this was over a yr ago. He continued to email & text, “twexting”, every little thing he did throughout the day…like he needs a penpal, because he doesn’t like people, lives alone, but obviously needs to tell someone what he’s doing every minute of the day! He got me & my daughter a Christmas gift. In return I took him to dinner for a belated Hanukkah gift. He showed no affection, next day I emailed saying I was looking fwd to change in 2014. He said good luck. No contact since.

    Crescendo63
    Crescendo63
    Participant
    January 3, 2014 at 7:04 pm #45791

    Hi bugslife.
    IMO, you didn’t waste those five years, because you developed a meaningful relationship – although it didn’t develop the way you wanted.

    Only if you got nothing out of that relationship, then it would have been a waste.

    I think he loves you; but not in the way you’d like him to (and, at this point, he probably never will).
    Love comes in many shapes and sizes. Love is a nuanced thing, not a black&white one.

    I know your kind of hope. Do not cling to it: 99,9% of the time, it’s deceiving.
    My advice is, appreciate his affection and caring, but look elsewhere for the kind of love and fulfilling relationship you need.

    Take care of your needs, because it’s your task and nobody else’s.


    plzhelpme
    Participant
    January 7, 2014 at 5:24 pm #45861

    I can only imagine how difficult that must be but in reality you must understand that if he truely wanted to be with you he would make it happen. Not every person we love is meant to be with us. Iv been with the same man for 8yrs, iv always been the one he comes back too but when it comes down to it, he may not b the right one for me.