He can't let go of her

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He can't let go of her

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    redroses1234
    Participant
    September 15, 2015 at 12:25 am #85436
    He can't let go of her

    I started hanging out with a guy. On our second evening together two months ago, he confessed he just got out of a relationship, but is very interested in me and would take it day by day if I am up for it.There are no other prospects in my life so I decided to go for it.

    Fast forward from a few dates, spending a lot of time together after work, between clients, on the phone, etc. he still can’t get over his ex. She up and left him out of the blue, after having been extremely serious (looking at rings). He constantly talks about what he feels and is very open– which I respect, admire and appreciate. But after 2 months of hearing about the ex, the same sentences, the same feelings. I just don’t know what there is to do to help him through this. It’s not even coming from a “romantic, I want us to be together” position, its also from a caring friend position of making sure he’s back on his feet again. I love him dearly and I want the best for him, regardless if he ends up w/me


    raz
    Participant
    September 15, 2015 at 11:54 am #85463

    I’m sorry to hear that.


    Lostalongtheway
    Participant
    September 15, 2015 at 12:35 pm #85464

    Having been in the same situation as the guy you are describing, I can say it’s not easy to forget an ex. I can also say that if I were you I wouldn’t expect this relationship/ friendship to last. Just my opinion. I don’t mean to be harsh but personally I’ve made several women my doormat after my ex left me. Unless the circumstances behind her leaving were extreme and they could never possibly be together again , I would imagine that he has a glimmer of hope of getting her back. I think you should save yourself the grief you may endure by developing feelings for this guy as the relationship progresses. You can’t fix the fact that his ex left him. I would back off if I were you and stay more in the friend zone to avoid getting hurt. I would also pursue someone else. There will always be more prospects in your life. I wouldnt settle for someone with baggage just because you feel he’s your only prospect. Whatever happens, good luck.


    cpitnj
    Participant
    September 15, 2015 at 6:34 pm #85480

    You don’t want him if he can’t be fully present with his emotions with you. He needs time to do some healing on his own, you don’t want to be a rebound relationship. Healing takes time, folks that dive into a new relationship just can’t handle being alone or are avoiding the real issues. As a friend, if you want to you could guide him in helping himself. Good luck.


    missriss
    Participant
    September 18, 2015 at 12:18 am #85574

    I would just try to be there for him as a friend until he thinks he is ready to move on. And then you can go from there and take things slow. Because that’s not fair to you to have to wait around for him to be over his ex


    BBGirl
    Participant
    September 19, 2015 at 2:27 pm #85612

    Me and my current boyfriend broke up a few months back and he tried seeing other people as he thought it would help him get over me and the relationship (we had been together for about 1 year and a half at that point), and he couldn’t do it he tried for months as I did but his friends were always telling me that he wouldn’t completely let himself get over me, always checking up on me via social media, it even got to the point were he would get mutual friends to tell him what I was doing, we are back together now, but my point is he wouldn’t let himself get over me and I’m wondering if maybe its what is happening with you he doesn’t want to let go of her yet, that’s not to say that he wont in the future but to me right now I don’t think its something that he is ready to let go of. I hope it works out for you though.


    AveryFern
    Participant
    September 23, 2015 at 8:06 am #85738

    It will take a while for him to move on.