He said "I'm not sure about continuing our relationship the way it is…"

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He said "I'm not sure about continuing our relationship the way it is…"

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    ConfusedHere1
    Participant
    September 24, 2014 at 10:33 pm #62513
    He said "I'm not sure about continuing our relationship the way it is…"

    Hi there.

    First post in here – I’m hoping this doesn’t get deleted, as I’d appreciate any/all perspectives on the issue. (Sorry for the length – I just want to have all the info out there).

    So, me (25-years old) and my boyfriend (28-years-old) have been dating about 7 or 8 months now (we’re not exactly sure when our “friendship” became “exclusive relationship” – it happened pretty organically). We are leaving Friday morning to go on a week-long vacation with his family.

    My boyfriend has accepted a job in a city that’s a little over 2 hours drive from where we both live now (we don’t live together). I was happy for him to get a job he is sure to like better than his current job (I even helped him with his resume and cover letter), and we talked a few weeks ago about how I was willing to move down to that city as well (still living separately) so we could continue our relationship. I told him I didn’t think I could handle a LDR and my job allows me to work wherever, so it wasn’t a hug


    diva820
    Participant
    September 28, 2014 at 1:52 pm #64963

    The story cut off (at least from my view) but I’m thinking where it was headed is that he doesn’t want to continue in the relationship as a LDR or doesn’t want you moving closer to where he is. If he’s not proposing marriage and you two are not going to do LDR, then you may have to consider the “exclusive relationship” as over. Think about it like this, how you would feel if you did move closer to him without any real commitment and then it didn’t work out. Would you feel like you moved just because of him and harbor ill will against him or would you take responsibility for making that decision because that’s what you wanted to do. Also consider this: the distance may make him miss you more and if he really wants to be with you, he’ll ask you to come live with him or get engaged. He obviously likes you if you two traveled on vacation with his family. However, maybe he’s not ready for a long term commitment as he moves into another phase of his life.


    diva820
    Participant
    September 28, 2014 at 2:00 pm #64964

    Lastly, if he’s unsure about continuing the relationship, it may feel personal, but it’s not. People change as their circumstances change and he’s probably being fair to you by not trying to lead you on that the relationship is more than what it is for him at this phase in his career life. Moving for a job is a big deal and he may just want to focus on his new job and new surroundings. I have learned that the true measure of a real friendship is if two people can separate and accept that things didn’t work out but doesn’t let that affect their affinity for one another because if you were friends to begin with, there was something about each other that you liked outside of a commitment. So wish him the best and I’m sure he’ll do the same for you and focus your attention on your future. I hope this helps you keep things in perspective and remember that you deserve the best.