He says that he has no emotions

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He says that he has no emotions

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    lonelyathome
    Participant
    December 5, 2013 at 1:46 pm #44015
    He says that he has no emotions

    I have been living with a man now for 8 months. He is a fantiastic man, and he has great potiential. but the relationship feels more like roommates.
    He has never given me a REAL hug, I have to corner him to even get a peck on the lips. He phisically flinches when I touch him, and if i brush up against him in bed he scoots over to the edge.

    Needless to say i feel alone and empty. He finaly told me that he has no emotions, hasnt for the last 20 years, but that he does love me.

    I want more …..am i wasiting my time??


    Lovable
    Participant
    December 7, 2013 at 3:17 am #44163

    im not sure how old the two of you are, but it sounds like he might be shy. you could either be way out of his league, he could be self-conscience, or u could be his first real girlfriend. i just blew it with my girlfriend after 6 years of putting off the fact that i was not very experienced..


    lonelyathome
    Participant
    December 7, 2013 at 12:43 pm #44169

    I am 47 and he is 54.
    He says that he has not had any emotions for the last 20 years.
    It was 15 years ago that his exwife cheated on him mulitiple times and screwed him over financially.
    So if he withdrew way back then, I could possibly see why his wife stepped out on him and looked for it in other places


    Anonymous
    December 7, 2013 at 10:49 pm #44180

    Hi! Wow! That cannot possibly feel good for you! That’s a lot of rejection you are dealing with on a daily basis. I’m going to make this very simple. If you were to hold true to a very important rule I create for myself and I wish that everyone would follow…the rule being, accept and love them AS THEY ARE!!!…..then you need to decide if you that is the kind of relationship you want to have. If he were to never really change, are you ok with that? Or…..are you loving him for his “potential”….a trap a lot of people fall into. He deserves to be loved for his “lack of emotion” just as much as you deserve to be loved for your emotion. A lot of times, someone who is more numb emotionally, will pick someone with higher emotion so they can live vicariously through that other person. I have never come across a happy couple with that kind of scenario.


    Anonymous
    December 7, 2013 at 10:57 pm #44181

    I imagine that you would want a man that loooooves to touch you, be touched by you, snuggles up with you in bed in a heart beat, loves to talk with you about everything and is more connective. Someone who has the strength to risk being in love….he is obviously very wounded and is carrying a lot of baggage and walled off his heart. He will do the same to you as well. People like that are very fragile. If you do anything to hurt him, a wall will go up and he won’t let it go and forgive. Healthier and stronger relationships involve 2 people who cam handle the hurt of our silly human decisions that come along with being in love. Besides…how does he know he loves you if he “can’t feel anything?” That doesn’t even make sense. You are in for a serious roller coaster ride, so you need to decide to love him as is or honor him and love him enough to let him be who he wants without you. OR….maybe he would be willing to find someone to help him work on his issues.


    Anonymous
    December 7, 2013 at 11:00 pm #44182

    That is at least a start, but still a long road ahead. I would also ask you the same of you though. I am wondering what is going on inside of you that you would choose a man who doesn’t love you very well. Why are you choosing an experience with a man where you feel rejected and alone more often than not? Is there a part of you that maybe feels like you don’t deserve much more than that?? Are you more comfortable with rejection and challenge than something easy and loving? That may seem like a weird questions, but a lot of people that grew up with a lot of rejection in their family life, will choose a mate that continues the pattern, because that is what they are used to and are comfortable dealing with. Just some thoughts! Good luck!!!


    rtg777
    Participant
    March 2, 2014 at 4:29 pm #48668

    Heidi, I’m having a similar problem being on the male side of things however,
    You see several years ago i had my first love honestly thought that everything was going to work out with us and i broke down all my barriers with her let her completely in, And then it’s like it all went downhill from there, she started to show interest in my best friend and talked to me less and less till eventually she left me. Well shortly thereafter she would ignore me unless she needed me like showing up to cuddle or and this is the number one thing she does is ask me relationship advice about her current boy friend however when she i’m done giving advice she goes back to ignoring me this has been on and off for about three years the most recent one she went so far as to have me text her boyfriend and i did and have every single time because even though i know it would never work between us again i know that i want to stil be in her life to be her friend as best i can, well ever since she broke up with


    rtg777
    Participant
    March 2, 2014 at 4:34 pm #48669

    Me my family has said i have no more emotions which is true i dont share my emotions with anyone anymore, i recently got married and i love her dearly and try my hardest to relate how i’m feeling but i dont understand why it’s so different why i want to talk to my ex so badly, i mean even if we meet up and she has nothing to say but mean things i’m just happy that i got to hear her voice i’ve completely commited myself to my wife but i feel like my ex is holding on to something and that i just wont ever get past that, i dont understand why i want to be her friend so badly and why she ignores me until she needs me, i’ve read alot of your responses and am impressed with your insight so i would like to ask if you had any advice??


    lonelyathome
    Participant
    April 7, 2014 at 6:24 pm #44188

    Heidi,
    Thanks for the reply…..You are right on….What you have said here are the thoughts that have been tumbling through my mind, it really helps to hear some one else express them for me.

    I know i want more, and that i deserve more.

    I am in this relationship becasue he was very good at hiding things in the begining, and i thought that he was just taking time to adjust to a new relationship.

    Now my task is to get out of this with out causing him toooo much more damage.