He Thinks I Am Someone Else–Because I Told Him So

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He Thinks I Am Someone Else–Because I Told Him So

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    needsomeadvice
    Participant
    September 17, 2013 at 12:16 pm #39078
    He Thinks I Am Someone Else–Because I Told Him So

    I am a recent divorcee. I met a man on an online dating site. I felt we really hit it off. But having no experience with online dating, and little experience dating over the last 20 years, I made a total fool of myself (over-sharing, seeming needy). I could feel him pulling away. So before he dumped me, I ended it, saying I had not been acting like myself and I needed to completely start over. We had never met in person.

    Then, right away, I created a new profile using someone else’s photo and he and I began chatting online, except he doesn’t know he’s chatting with me. We’ve made a date to meet in a few days. He is very into me at this point.

    I have not been faking my personality, only my photo and minor details about my life. So it really is me he is interested in, just as he was interested at first until I went over the top.

    I was thinking that once he sees I am not the woman in the photo, which he will see immediately, I will tell him point blank, without apology, that I felt I had misrepresented myself originally and I wanted to give us a fresh start to get to know each other to see if we should go any further or not.

    I am very nervous about meeting him. But want to come across self assured when I do. My main concern is that he will be angry when he finds out what I did.

    What do you think of the approach I intend to take when we meet? Do you have a better idea?


    needsomeadvice
    Participant
    September 17, 2013 at 12:24 pm #39086

    P.S. I am also concerned that he will just think I am a weird stalker. Advice please.


    howdydoody
    Participant
    September 19, 2013 at 2:10 pm #39283

    Wow looks like you’ve got yourself in a whole and you are getting deeper. i’d come clean to the guy and then leave him alone. start over w/ someone new


    heytheregoodlooking
    Participant
    September 19, 2013 at 2:15 pm #39292

    You have to tell him before you meet in person. If he shows up and you are not who you said you have 0% chance of it going any further. If you tell him before hand at least there is so chance that things can still work out.

    potlucky
    potlucky
    Participant
    September 19, 2013 at 2:26 pm #39308

    why would you not apologize? seems to me like your are basically lying to this guy especially since guys take the look of that gal into more consideration that the other way around. I think this is kind of on you and maybe if you admit it as you trying to fool him he will give you another chace. good luck i guess

    lovely_linds82
    lovely_linds82
    Participant
    September 19, 2013 at 2:29 pm #39316

    You started this relationship off with a lie. I really don’t think there is much you can do to ever get this to work. I say wipe the slate and start again (try not lying this time)

    datingisamazing
    datingisamazing
    Participant
    September 19, 2013 at 2:33 pm #39322

    If he was pulling away from you the first time around, then maybe you guys are not fit for each other to begin with. With that said, I’d try to come clean before you meet, so you don’t have to run into the awkwardness in-person and rather online, where the guy can make his own decision without pressure to determine whether or not he wants to continue with you.

    TFerguson
    TFerguson
    Participant
    September 19, 2013 at 2:33 pm #39296

    Really I don’t think he’ll care. If you guys hit it off in person, and he’s attracted to you, I don’t think he’ll be all that put off by the situation.

    sharklasers
    sharklasers
    Participant
    September 19, 2013 at 2:34 pm #39328

    Yo, speaking as a guy here, I would think you’re a weird stalker. At least now you know what to say without looking like a fool, so you’re good for the next guy.


    needsomeadvice
    Participant
    September 23, 2013 at 9:58 am #39379
    Reply To: He Thinks I Am Someone Else–Because I Told Him So

    Thanks everyone for all the great advice. Turns out I accidentally revealed to him who I really am. He basically said I go back and forth too much so he doesn’t want to date me but we can be friends. I never replied to that email.

    I skipped replying not because I was really angry, although I was a little angry ,just not a lot. But I won’t reply because I realized that very early on he made it clear that he wasn’t interested in me as I am. If he had been into me, there would not have been any confusion on his part about whether he wanted to be with me or not. (His wishy/washiness about this is what led me to go overboard at first.) He would have been definite about the fact that he wanted to be with me. Period.

    It was me who overlooked this key point. But believe me, this has been a learning experience for me, a crash course in dating. I’ll keep my eyes open next time so I can do as Oprah advised: “When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.”

    sharklasers
    sharklasers
    Participant
    September 26, 2013 at 2:22 pm #40066
    Reply To: He Thinks I Am Someone Else–Because I Told Him So

    Oprah is a freakin genius.

    dressygrl
    dressygrl
    Participant
    September 26, 2013 at 2:23 pm #40068
    Reply To: He Thinks I Am Someone Else–Because I Told Him So

    I’m glad that you didn’t get hurt at least. Next time around you will have been through this and be able to handle it differently.


    HHB
    Participant
    November 10, 2013 at 7:17 am #42662
    Reply To: He Thinks I Am Someone Else–Because I Told Him So

    A real life catfish lol
    At least you recently told the truth,it’s the best thing to do.


    lola.blaze
    Participant
    November 10, 2013 at 1:30 pm #42666
    Reply To: He Thinks I Am Someone Else–Because I Told Him So

    You can’t really like someone until you really know them. What you’re doing to him is mean and leading him on