He was into me but things got complicated? Not sure if it's me, or him?

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He was into me but things got complicated? Not sure if it's me, or him?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    beachgirl
    Participant
    May 4, 2013 at 10:57 am #30445
    He was into me but things got complicated? Not sure if it's me, or him?

    Ok, I think I’ve finally met the guy I want to have a relationship with. First month, things were a blast–he was texting and calling all the time–I met his friends and brother. We really connected… Then, things almost went too fast–ok, we had a make out session, and it lasted a very, very long time!! Like until four am! Also a blast–we didn’t go too far, it was perfect. Then, during the week, it was like he had a melt down…. The problem is that he is going through the final stages of divorce. He said that it was him and he can’t handle anything serious right now, but I was totally fine with the status quo and don’t want things to go too fast either. I didn’t give him too hard of a time over it but I let him know that I can’t do a friends with benefits. Somehow things went from being totally great to totally not and I don’t know what happened. Verbatim He says he values my friendship more than a fast relationship. I totally agree, but I just want him 100%… And he can’t give me that because of the Ups and downs–stupid texts from his ex, trying to get his apartment/life in order, a lot going on with his career. I know that him and I connected on so many levels, and I want those feelings we had back… He doesn’t text or call as much anymore but he still responds to my texts. We still text and talk but he needs a little prompting with the calls. He just doesn’t seem as interested anymore even when we talk on the phone. From my end of things, despite everything he is going through, I somehow feel like it is still my fault. The week after our ‘make out session’, an old flame contacted me and tried to meet up, very random. I mentioned it to him and I sort of implied that I wasn’t sure what to say to him IF we ended up meeting. I just was trying to say that I didn’t know where things were headed with us, I wasn’t looking for a label! That is when he had a freak out it seemed to me and started saying it was him right now. I feel like I have messed things up by talking about my desire to have kids one day too (how stupid of me, he just really brought my guard down). I didn’t mean to come off as desperate and I know that’s a major repellent–I just figured he was mature and could handle it but maybe not. I was just being myself, and I didn’t mean to imply that I want kids with just anyone–hence being 30 and single. Somehow despite his own issues with his divorce, I feel like I am the one that did something to put a damper on things. I understand that he’s not ready for a relationship right now, but then why did he introduce me to his friends and family, make out with me, and call/text me so much? I am not sure if we are going to get through this. We are still texting and talk occasionally but don’t have set plans to spend time like we used to… I don’t know how to get this back on track, and not sure if it ever will. His divorce proceeding will also be finalized in the next two weeks, and he has been spending a lot of time with his friends and family. I am doing my best to remain a friend during this time, and I agree it is the right thing to do. It is just hard because I want more with him. We still text a lot though but I’m concerned that it is prompted by me a little too much sometimes. How can I get him to be interested in me again like he was before? Have I ruined it completely? My head tells me I should just move on, because I want a man who is more available and makes me feel wanted…. The other part of me is sad to let go.


    carolinachic82
    Participant
    May 4, 2013 at 8:49 pm #30451

    I don’t think it’s your fault at all, it definitely sounds like him. He is dealing with a lot right now so maybe he just needs some time to get himself together. One thing I wouldn’t do is constantly question him on why things have changed because that could easily push him further away. I do think the fact that he is at least still communicating with you often is a good sign but you could always try what I do and just go one day without texting or calling him first and see if he puts in any effort to contact you. That pretty much always answers my question because I don’t care how busy someone is, if they really like you, they’ll find time to at least call or text you.