held her hand

DATING ADVICE FORUM

held her hand

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    YouGuessedIt
    YouGuessedIt
    Participant
    November 5, 2012 at 8:54 pm #15581
    held her hand

    I went out for lunch with a girl I dated in high school but we broke up and we reconnected after a good 3 years. When we went to meet for lunch it was a bit awkward but we did a little window shopping and I held her hand.

    She pulled away fairly quickly and smiled back like “sorry too soon”–I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about it since we knew each other from before. Was it seriously too soon?

    WiseOnWhiskey
    WiseOnWhiskey
    Participant
    November 9, 2012 at 3:00 pm #15763

    She was probably saying, “Oh, no thanks,” not “sorry, too soon.”

    OhReallyOReilly
    OhReallyOReilly
    Participant
    November 13, 2012 at 6:31 pm #15997

    Have you cut off all conversation with the girl? If you were friends before I’m sure you could easily patch it up and invite her out again.


    Anonymous
    November 27, 2012 at 11:45 am #17316

    Gentleman! Can it just be the simple fact that she takes things slow and maybe she’s not sure how she feels yet because she is wanting to get to know you again? It has been 3 years….just because you dated before does not mean the status is the same….a lot can happen in 3 years!

    Maybe she’s the kind of girl where you have to “earn” her connection….holding hands, kissing, PDA etc. That could take a bit of time to build trust, to build a connection, to make sure you guys are compatible again….Good for her to make you work for it a little bit then! And she should earn that trust from you as well!

    Did she give you ANY sign at all that she wanted to hold your hand??? Guys have a tendency to ASSUME many things are OK when they really aren’t…and sadly, many girls just let whatever happen, happen because it is too uncomfortable to say no, so the guy ends up thinking it’s OK.

    I would say to ask her out again and take the mindset that you want to get to her again BEFORE you are ready to jump into the PDA thing. And spend the time and effort to earn that connection from her…it might end up that you realize you are not a compatible match or you might find an incredible connection. The slower you take it, the more you will be able to see!

    YouGuessedIt
    YouGuessedIt
    Participant
    November 27, 2012 at 5:04 pm #17385

    Well when we went out together we had a fresh connection and it seemed like the right time to show a bit of affection. She’s a great girl and I didn’t think it was too forward.

    I agree I assumed it’d be ok but hey that’s what I was risking, a chance that she might be willing to kick it up a small notch. I don’t think I could ask “Hey can I hold your hand?” Sounds pretty cheesy…


    Anonymous
    November 27, 2012 at 5:32 pm #17393

    No so! Most gentleman are not aware of how much a woman deals with a guy NOT ASKING to be in her space….at dance clubs, on dates, in her house, in the bedroom. Woman, especially attractive ones get BOMBARDED!!! It is a more UNUSUAL experience to actually have a guy ASK to be in her space. I myself have been on a ton of dates over the years where I am kissed without me wanting to be, my hand is grabbed when I wasn’t interested, a guy comes up on the dance floor and starts freak dancin’ on me without even asking my name first. This is a more common experience for women than you know! and one that causes me to instantly lose respect for the guy and move on.

    So when a guy actually asks me, he INSTANTLY gains my respect and I trust him more….makes me feel more safe that he is going to pay attention to my wishes and desires…cheesy or not!!! If it comes out cheesy, then have a good laugh about it….who cares!!! wouldn’t you rather her respect you more for asking than to just plain get rejected and her putting you in the category of being just like every other guy???

    Besides…there are a million ways to ask….like if you want to kiss her and she has given you signs throughout the date that she would be interested in that….then when you go to kiss her, just lean in most of the way and stop….give her the chance to meet you the rest of the way….if she doesn’t, then you know she’s not ready and you pull away and have not crossed into her space without invitation….if she does, you have made it her CHOICE to kiss you instead of you going all the way and not giving her a choice.

    so get creative in how you ask her…take this mindset:
    INSPIRE her to want to hold your hand…she will give you all kinds of signals once she reaches that point…don’t just take what you want without knowing it is what she wants as well….


    Anonymous
    November 27, 2012 at 5:36 pm #17396

    and remember….what you think may be a “small notch” by holding her hand, may be a MAJOR one for her….EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT!!! For me, holding hands is a HUGE deal!!! It is not a small step of affection for me….so learn her perspective better : )


    hopeless1
    Participant
    October 13, 2016 at 12:01 pm #113995

    Yeah, ‘too soon’ sounded like a lie. What she really meant by that, we’ll never know.