Hello everyone, I'm new here- I have a question

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Hello everyone, I'm new here- I have a question

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    lollipoppin
    Participant
    December 27, 2012 at 4:38 pm #19563
    Hello everyone, I'm new here- I have a question

    Ok, So I’ve been divorced 15y; and haven’t dated. (I’m 56) There is a client of my company who several y ago would (seemingly to me and others in the ofc) come in and talk to me.. 75% of the time about his needs,etc. He would sometimes leave whomever was “helping/working” with him to come to my desk, and start a conversation.. sometimes as leaving/arriving he would simply immediately come to the copy machine/my desk/whatever I was doing and seem shy.. and the “pregnant/awkward” moment wld be between us. He would call and leave me messages to phone him about various things that were seemingly obviously excuses to talk to me/have me call him. However, I hadn’t dated in so many years, and as shy as I was/(not as bad now) I never was bold enough to say anything to him- like offer my number or anything like it. I did however on several times give him sm hints like “well, I’ve been divorced so long I wouldn’t know how to date”(didn’t actually say that, but tried letting him know I too.. was interested *if* he were. Somtimes when I would return his call.. & as I wld begin to introduce myself.. (like Mr. lala..this is *** from lalala.. he would interupt me to say quietly “I know..you’re calling about (his same ole same ole question/msg about something he’d asked many times before) then say like “you never call me any other time”.. so, this went on for several years.. I finally felt foolish, and made myself unavailable to “help” him when he came in– so, after just a few months of this- he literally stopped coming in. So- now it has been 3y since I’d seen him, and he came in last week.. he (still single) didn’t follow me around the ofc/or the other stuff,but we talked about 10min.. he told me he had joined as a silent partner opening a new resaraunt/bar in a resort type town which is an hr away from us.. he tells me about several other business ventures/ then tells me I “should go see his new restaraunt/bar”- so when I tell him I would “sometime” , he says “call me before you go, and I will *I forget exactly his words, but something like “have them serve me on the house”.. I then ask him his number– (which would be easy enough to get via his documents, but I still asked-) he says “the same number as before..giving me his number”. ok, so.. that’s my question.. I would like to know for sure *if he is interested.. and ring him, and maybe say in a sort of joking/relaxed manner that “I hope to see him there” -(he wouldn’t be there normally of course) to see once and for all if he was/is interested. But I absolutely don’t have the nerve. My friends told me to do it.. “what have I got to lose”.. but I keep remembering all the chances he had to show some kind of interest/ask my number… he never did. Or what about maybe just leaving him a message with my number, with the above type statement, hoping he would be there.. so, from the outside looking in, does it sound as if he was/is *possibly* interested in knowing me somewhat? *note please don’t make fun of me or call me childish.. I know this sounds like highschool.. but I truely haven’t done this in so long- and I just always felt if he was even remotely interested those years ago, he surely would have asked me out then. Thank you,


    kenzie
    Participant
    December 28, 2012 at 10:30 am #19613

    Don’t be embarrassed by your question!

    I agree with your friends, he is DEFINITELY interested! Looks like he was trying really hard to get your attention and since you were too shy to take the bait, he left. He was smart about walking away but don’t lose the second chance! Don’t over think the text/voicemail to him. If you want to go to his restaurant it’ll be a clear sign you’re interested in getting to know him or at least figuring him out. I think as a friend, he would really appreciate the support since this is a new project for him and opening up a new business can mean he’s leaving himself vulnerable to critiques.

    I dated someone who started a new business before we met and it meant a lot that I recommended their new business and sent friends in to check it out. If /when you go, he’ll be very happy! Keep that in mind!

    As for being shy, it’s normal. Accept the fact that you will be just as vulnerable and you may be risking some feelings. However, I would keep in mind that if you go to his restaurant, it’s NOT a definite sign that he will drop everything for you and give you the undivided attention you’re expecting. Expect to sit alone, expect a casual conversation with the bartender/waiter and expect very very little from your guy. That way, if things go BETTER than expected, it’ll be a genuine surprise to you instead of a list of needs he has to accomplish. Does that make sense? I feel like I’m rambling…

    I just really want you to go and try! All in all, the guy liked/likes you and this will probably be the last thing he does to grab your attention. He won’t wait forever so give the guy a bone!


    lollipoppin
    Participant
    December 28, 2012 at 6:31 pm #19713

    Hi Kenzie and thank you for reading my winded message- and taking the time to reply. Ok, so I will get my big girl nerve up and call him– but in a couple of weeks.. after New Years. But, did you read the above that he is not at this restaraunt “working”– he will NOT be there– he’s merely an invester behind it. But, when I phone him… I will tell him some casual/flip way that “I really hope you’re there to “show me around/something like that”. What I hesitate for, is that in all those years he “seemed” interested– I just stopped being available to help him in my office– because….. he never asked me out/never asked me for my number– nothing. Though I never really gave him much to work with…. I did casually mention on several occasions I didn’t date much/ or yeah, I like to do that too.. etc stuff. * I can tell you this…. he is very “good looking” and knows it.. and I’m positive women jump at the chance to call him at the slightest encouragement from him.. so .. I will give him the benefit of the doubt and get my nerve up to throw myself in front of him…. and finally see *if* he’s interested somewhat. And when I call.. he doesn’t take the bait and agree to be there….. that will be ok too. I just don’t particularly respond to guys that merely hand over a card. (you know, like the married ones.. or smarmy ones that hand a card to every woman they meet hoping to get lucky.. ) You know, I just remembered, the last time he was in my office about 3y ago.. he asked me to (once again) “phone him to let him know about such & such”.. so, about 2weeks later, I DID… and he merely thanked me.. and that was that. I’ve dated some in the last couple of years and this won’t be a big deal to me, if it turns out he was just .. whatever you want to call it.. but I will post what happens if anything,
    Thanks again,


    kenzie
    Participant
    January 4, 2013 at 11:59 am #19980

    Ah, ok. I thought he worked at the restaurant.

    I don’t think you can justify his actions for not asking you for his number because, like you said, you didn’t give him much to work on.

    At this point, your response doesn’t seem as interested as he initial one I replied to. If you’ve lowered your expectations already, I guess it could be a genuine surprise if it turns out to be something more.

    Beware though the longer you wait, the less likely he’ll see you as just a friend. it has been THREE YEARS. You’ll be lucky if he even shows up to eat with you…hope it’s what you want!


    lollipoppin
    Participant
    January 4, 2013 at 6:10 pm #20035

    Hi Kenzie, well… no! I am genuinly very very interested in him! First of all.. all those years ago when he would follow me around at my office/call my office/ leave his number (only) with my co-worker, but never say anything to me about “asking me dout/asking for my number” happened several years ago.. I hinted every way I could possibly think back then to let him know I was interested. I tried everything— EXCEPT out right asking him out. And no, I never called his number– to “ask him out”.. So… I haven’t seen him in 3 YEARS– THEN he came in my office a week ago this past wednesday= and as we were talking, he told me he had bought a restaraunt– (but he doesnt work there) He’s just the owner. Ok, so he told me I “should go see his restaraunt sometime”.. (remember– this was only 9 days ago). So I wrote the name of it down– THEN he said “Call me before you go & will will call them to let them know you are coming”– NOT those exact words, but it sounded kind of like that.. I then asked his number– he gave it to me, then said his first & last name…… So, then I wrote here…. I am very interested in him if he is also.. well, I do like him.. so I wasn’t sure if all this had sounded like he was interested, and this was a way to possibly see if I was also interested.. so…..
    Anyway– I called him yesterday evening.. left a message of my number, telling him I would love to come see his restaraunt.. *if* he were going to be there sometime, to let me know”… I hope this makes sense…
    For several years of him coming in my office/doing business.. he seemed interested– but never asked my number/or asked me out.. but would follow me around the office.. etc.. so 4y ago I had felt foolish.. like he was (unknowingly) “toying” with me, so I made myself scarce when he would come in… THAT’S when I let my coworker “help” him… and HE gave HIS number to HER twice (4y ago) .. and after he would leave , she would come and throw his number on my desk… The last time that had happened– 3 y ago.. I DID call him… I was very nervous… but just talked a little about work– there could have been NO MISTAKING- on his part (surely) that I too was interested…. BUT, he didn’t ask me out.. I was calling him on my office line.
    So, that’s where we are now. I called him, left my message last evening… and haven’t heard anything.. but it’s only been a day.
    I pray he is interested .. as I am .. but, I meant earlier post that I will try and not expect alot.. since he’s never came out and asked me out.
    Thank you soo much!
    I will come back & post sometime, if he ever does call me… 🙂


    wranglerusa1
    Participant
    January 4, 2013 at 7:13 pm #20037

    Hey lollipoppin;
    This guy is a jerk. I would not leave you wondering for 3 years. Wow.


    lollipoppin
    Participant
    January 4, 2013 at 7:31 pm #20038

    Hi wrangler,
    Thank you for taking the time to read (I huess you read all the posts?) this. Well, you know, about 4y ago… I thought he was toying with me.. so I simply stopped being available to help him.. so, as you (maybe?) read above, he started having my co-worker hand me his number.. to give me after he left. So, I called him once… (the last time i’d seen him 3y ago until he came back in last week).. but it was kind of awkward.. I just asked him how work was going, etc. He didn’t respond in any way- so that was that. You know, if/when a guy just hands me his card/number.. I will not take it– telling them I don’t call men who simply give me their number.
    If he were to phone to ask me to his restaraunt… I’m NOT going.. haha..
    At least, I will tell him I’m busy for the next few weeks.
    You know…… I haven’t dated in so many years.. I should go with my instinct on these matters. A friend always tells me.. “When a person shows you who they are, BELIEVE IT.” * I’ve seen this somewhere.. it’s soo true..
    thank you again..


    wranglerusa1
    Participant
    January 4, 2013 at 8:23 pm #20039

    Hey lollipoppin;
    You are 56. That is still young. I’m 58 and found myself back in the “dating thing” again. Dating is scary. Get out there and find that guy. If you wait for him to come to you it will never happen. My daughter found her guy on FB. They actually went to school together but lost track of each other. Good luck!


    lollipoppin
    Participant
    January 4, 2013 at 8:48 pm #20040

    Wrangler, thank you. I don’t have a clue how to do that. lol
    Though I do stay busy, go out with girlfriends, dances, & other activities. I’m slowly learning what to watch out for… in the “red flags” at least. If it happens, then hopefully I’ll recognize a “good” guy.


    wranglerusa1
    Participant
    January 4, 2013 at 9:16 pm #20041
    Reply To: Hello everyone, I'm new here- I have a question

    Lollipoppin;
    Yes you do know how. Believe me, guys want a good girl not someone easy. Check out the social happening’s in your area (no bars). Ever tried Match? I know girls talk, your friends cannot recommmend a “good” guy?


    lollipoppin
    Participant
    January 4, 2013 at 9:30 pm #20042
    Reply To: Hello everyone, I'm new here- I have a question

    Well, yes. We go to outdoor concerts, or out to eat; different things. Yes, i’m approached.. a few have tried setting me up– I don’t really care for that. I’m just the past year or so beginning to be more active with girlfriends/ the others are married- and you know how that goes. Match; I’ve looked at that, but I don’t know– I guess that’s a given now, to be on dating sites. I’m realizing I’ve got to trust my own instinct more. It’s kind of scary, for me anyhow. I’m afraid of getting hurt, or of hurting someone. I know… I know… to find someone you have to put your feelings out there and take a chance. I’m working on it. Hey and while we are on the subject— guys making moves on me *are* looking for “easy”. I’m sick of it.


    wranglerusa1
    Participant
    January 4, 2013 at 9:58 pm #20043
    Reply To: Hello everyone, I'm new here- I have a question

    Guess what, I talked to a lady on Match. Yes, I did bite the bullet and got on there. Turns out she lived about 15 miles from me. I really enjoy her company. I agree with you, some guys are jerks. You just have to weed them out. Don’t stop “weeding”! There is a gem hidden among all those weeds. Just got to find it.


    lollipoppin
    Participant
    January 4, 2013 at 10:21 pm #20044
    Reply To: Hello everyone, I'm new here- I have a question

    Sounds great; ill keep weeding; good thing is I’m not “looking” for a relationship; but every now and then I meet someone that piques my curiosity. The guy I spoke of just popped back up….. and restarted the same old, same curious playing. Had me puzzled. I appreciate your take on him. Lol
    I grew tired of the game (?) 3 y ago.. and just avoided him- then last week just had me curious. From everything I know; it always comes down to just paying attention and going with instinct. Good luck to you.