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HollyStar1409ParticipantApril 7, 2013 at 1:19 am #27873
Hello. My mother is 35. She was married 22 years and only a year ago just split up from my father. My father was a drunk and he beat my mom. He would call her ugly and he would say Your boobs are to big for me so I’m not going to touch you or kiss you. Therefore my mom left him.
My mom never did date when she was in her teens and she calls me her “dating coach”. Recently, about three months ago, my mom got on to dating sites like Plenty Of Fish, and Meet Me. Since then she has went on 6 very bad dates, and by bad I mean that the guy decided to get drunk and try to stick his tounge on her and/or attempted to make her cry. Last time she went on a date, she came home and cried in my arms saying “I’m not ever dating again!”
I am going to be 18 soon and I will be off to college, however I am the one person who takes care of my mother because she works the night shift. My mom is afraid that when I leave to start my life that she is going to be alone forever. I try to tell her that its not true and that there is someone for her but she has to find him. She says that what I say isn’t true and that guys only want to use her for sex and a “booty call” and she doesn’t want me to leave for college.
We struggle with this “dating thing” and I need help with it. How can I start my life if I have to take care of my mother and her phobia of being alone forever? Can someone help me with my mother’s dating problem? I need help ASAP.
MaddieLineParticipantApril 8, 2013 at 6:17 pm #27998
Getting back into the dating world IS scary if it’s been a while. My advice is, your mom needs to be confident in herself first. Maybe leave the dating sites alone for a while and help her find her true self. Take her to yoga classes, have her join a community organization where she can meet new friends and show her how to be independent. She’s relying on finding a man to complete her when in reality she needs to be 100% secure in who she is before she tries to find a man to complement her.
Put dating aside and get her in touch with her girlfriends (who also have a stable mindset/relationship) and show her how to start living a life without training wheels (with you at her side).
Remember, she’s scared but she’s not alone. Show her how to do things on her own but don’t push her away. You’re her life coach not her dating coach. Give her positive reinforcement and constantly ask her how she feels and what she’s thinking. Maybe get her to start a journal. While you’re away she’ll need a way to cope with the physical loneliness so don’t let her resort to just meeting any guy who flirts with her online. Give her the strength she needs by filling that void your dad left her.
A confident woman will attract many men. A desperate woman is pretty unattractive to a man who’s looking for love.
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