Help.. do I give him another chance.

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Help.. do I give him another chance.

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    lollipoppin
    Participant
    July 29, 2013 at 9:14 pm #36227
    Help.. do I give him another chance.

    I reconnected with a guy from HS– we hadn’t seen ea other in 35 years, via facebook about a year ago. So, after a few months, he invited me to lunch. It was great– he had recently gone through a horrible tragedy (but divorced 12 years), and confided his anguish to me.. tearfully. After a week or so he invited me to a nearby casino.. I assumed it was a “date”. The fateful day, he picked me up at 3p– the drive was 2hr; he had lots of “free” $$ from the casino. (btw, I had left my purse/phone/cash in his vehicle-no idea why at the time) Around 6p he told me he would “be right back”.. going to the ATM. Ok, he didn’t return for 8 hours. omg! I was devastated to say the least. I had sat where he left me over 2hrs, realized he wasn’t returning.. I tried to get the valet dept to take me to his vehicle/retrieve my purse/phone so I could phone for help/etc— they cited “privacy laws” and refused. They even refused to let me know if he was even still there. I spoke with the casino manager/the security managers…. as many people as I could get to listen— all giving me “the look”.. after 5-6 hours, I was frantic and very upset/weepy. They had 1 pay phone– it was out of order– shockingly (to me) no-one would let me use a phone to call for help. 1 security guy told me all he could suggest is that I don’t get in the car with a stranger.. A little after 2a… the guy I was “with” appeared.. calmly walked up.. I was tearful– told him to take me home. I was so upset I didn’t want to talk to him. The 2hr drive home-(he got me home around 4:45a) was very awkward. He had no answer to where he had been. I felt like a fool. He simply told me when he goes there.. he & his buddy do their own thing and hook up later. Though I cried silently the trip back, he confided more of his personal h*** he was suffering. I understood and felt sympathetic that his casino trips were (apparently) his way of zoning out/dealing with his pain. So, a few days later, I sent him a lengthy email thanking him for the eye opening experience.. I could have trusted someone that could have really harmed me. And of course I told him he really really hurt me, I was confused and it was just so rude of him. He replied– but I deleted it. So, after a few month’s he sends me a message to apologize again and “hoped I would someday forgive him”.. I didn’t respond. A few month’s later, he calls late 1 evening asking me if I believed in the power of forgiveness… I told him I forgave him/understood all he was suffering..(the suffering is/was nothing to do with an ex/woman/relationship) and that it was a very good lesson for me. So, a couple month’s after that *I* sent him a message that I just couldn’t understand how he could have treated me so bad/etc.. (I wish I hadn’t sent it). He wrote back.. but I deleted it/couldn’t read it. (I removed my glasses so I couldn’t read it, lol) Ok, now… a month or so later, he phones.. asks if I would like to try the casino again.. promises to “not leave my side” I told me I would think about it. He was scheduled to go the following week. So, a few days later, he leaves me a message that he decided to take a buddy of his.. “maybe we could do something another time”. I didn’t phone or message him back. So, 2 weeks ago, I get this long email from him.. telling me he couldn’t stop thinking of me/us- from so many years ago… and if I could find it in my heart to give him another chance, he would love to hear from me. I wish now I had waited at least a month..but no.. I replied a week later that maybe we could be friends. So, that evening he phones.. we talk about half an hour. He explained his confusion/not ready… things going on.. and that he was “very sorry” for hurting me,etc.. and after a little talking, we discuss going for lunch that weekend. Ok, he phones me the weekend- he had nearly forgotten his HS reunion/friends.. & that he had “every intention of taking me out”… and that he was (here we go) going to the casino the following week-(which this is monday as I write this.. this would be wednesday), asked me if I wanted to join him/he had free room/meals/spa/etc. I told him NO, I #1. wasn’t a casino/gambling fan. #2. No way would I stay in the room with him/we didn’t know ea other. So, he says he has 2 free rooms… I could stay the other room… I could do the spa thing/ we could eat… do alot of talking to get to know each other. So, I agree to think about it seriously.. So, a couple of my friends ask me if I’ve lost my mind. Another says I should give him a chance. I feel torn. For 1 thing I’ve been waiting on him to phone and tell me he decided to have a “buddy” go.. then.. if he did I would feel so very foolish– another part of me still likes him, and understands his grief right now and how he is dealing with it as I’ve done it many times- make dates, then cancel/change my mind. So, right now I’m struggling with sending him an email telling him what I think/I’m not a fan of gambling/ this feels kind of ? him making amends.. but, my friend says I’ve already semi agreed to go, (well, yes I did agree to go- but I really thought he would have cancelled again by now) and if I write him ANYTHING.. it will make me look/seem desperate.. that I should just go unless he cancels; and see how it goes/not bring up anything/ and see what he is all about- ie: gambling addiction– I believe he has. is he going to be in the casino all night/while i’m basically sitting in a room/spa– then we come back.
    Soo…………. due to his traumatic issues recently.. I know he needs time to heal.. all that– I like him as a friend, really wouldn’t mind going at all–EXCEPT if he were to ignore me the entire night- I would reeally feel very foolish. (btw, this isn’t relevant, but yes we both work/both professionals) should I explain in a rather lengthy email I’m not sure of getting to know each other this particular way; or, just phone him and tell him straight up, I would like to be a friend, but “this” wouldn’t feel right? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

    dressygrl
    dressygrl
    Participant
    September 26, 2013 at 2:31 pm #40083

    Uh, I absolutely would not give him another chance! There is no way I would let a guy just disappear from me for 8 hours in Vegas on a first date with no explanation and ever talk to him again.