Help! I Think My Boyfriend's Gay!


Help! I Think My Boyfriend's Gay!

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    February 27, 2013 at 3:30 pm #23798
    Help! I Think My Boyfriend's Gay!

    Sooo, I am 27 years old, a female, and have been dating my boyfriend for 3 and a half years now. My boyfriend, who’s the same age as me, is not into having sex?!!! I’m lucky if I get it one time a month, if that. Which is something that really bothers me. Plus, I always am the one to initiate it. If I didn’t, I honestly don’t think we would have sex. Period. I like have to ask him beforehand that way I don’t get shut down. He takes all the passion out of it by setting times and time limits and rules. I’ve tried to do it naturally, like just start kissing him, or rubbin on him, you kno the deal… buuut, He pulls back. He also doesn’t like french kissing! Which I love. …Not like wet, sloppy, kisses, but like passionate, intimate, longer kisses, you feel me? But not him, he like wants nothing to do with tongues I could tell he even gets irritated when I ask him about it. I don’t know why he’s like this. This has been a constant problem since our first year together. And I’d even be happy with once a week!! I’d rather a few times a week but you can’t have everything you want. Once a month is not cutting it. But other than this issue, there really isn’t any other issues as far as our relationship goes. Basically, we are best friends that sleep in the same bed and it drives me nuts. I think about it everyday. He is also a recovering drug addict and says he feels he only wants to have sex when he is high and he doesn’t know why. That makes me feel like shit. I feel inadequate, definitely not sexy at all…the list goes on. But still the more, I FREAKING love him. He’s got a great job, he’s supercute, we laugh together, support each other 100%. Plus, he’s really trying to stay sober. But with a cost. I think that’s a cop out. I’m also struggling with the same substance abuse issues and never stopped wanting to have sex w him. So I find myself constantly wondering in my head if this is something that I want to deal with for the rest of my life. And I haven’t made a decision. But I’m definitely deprived. I even have almost convinced my self that he’s in the closet. He works in a n office of gay men, above a gay bar. He sometimes even has this “gay swagger” in his movements that not only I but my mom picks up on too.. It sounds crazy but I’ve never met a man that acted this way- unless they were gay. Maybe he uses the dope to suppress the fact that hes actually gay. I’ve brought that up to him but the gets really defensive. One time I asked him when he was a lil inebriated and he said “he doesn’t wanna talk about it”.. is that a straight guy answer?? I am so confused. What’s a girl to do!? Please! HELP!

    February 27, 2013 at 4:45 pm #23837

    Definitely in the closet. He’s using a ton of cover ups, the drug abuse, not talking about it, the “swagger” it’s all there. The fact that he works so closely with gay men is not helping your case.

    What really blows my mind is how you’ve dealt with this since day 1! If you’re having drug abuse problems, I don’t think this weird relationship is helping. He may have a great personality but if it’s not an erectile dysfunction situation, he may not find you attractive enough to sleep with. Not saying you may be the most beautiful girl in the world, but he’s probably not into women in general.

    Have you ever seen him flirt with another girl? What are his friends like and what do they think? You can’t be the only one who’s thinking this, if you’re right.