Help, Ive lost my mojo!

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Help, Ive lost my mojo!

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    wynsome
    Participant
    January 26, 2013 at 10:52 am #21293
    Help, Ive lost my mojo!

    I would like advise from men or women. How do you recover when you feel you have made a tard of yourself?

    I met this guy online, immediately we hit it off. First three weeks everything was great. Then communication slowed and changed. He said he had the blues over the holidays. He is only six months divorced so that is understandable. I was sick for a week, then Christmas and then he went hunting. Then the kids were sick. Through this time we have made dates that were cancelled for reasons mentioned above. It was confusing because he still said things like I miss you. Im still falling for you etc.

    I understand divorce. I was willing to go slow and just have fun getting to know each other but I got upset because he was saying he wanted to see me but it was not happening and the reasons seemed legit, still dont you make time if you really like someone? And again communication-major decrease. So, I acted on emotion and sent more text than I should have, I got back on my dating website and worse still basically hit him up just to hang out.

    Bottom line, we really clicked, there is no denying that. It was great, when it changed I did not handle it they way I should have, nor did he. But now I feel like its just been a misunderstanding and I dont know how or if I can approach him. I feel like ive made myself look desperate and ridiculous. I wish I could correct that somehow, even if we are done. Is there anything I can say or do to walk away with some dignity? I do care about the impression ive left, I know people say dont worry about it and just move on but surely there is something I can say in a very laid back manner to gain some street cred back, I dont know how else to put it. I do not think he is going to contact me anytime soon because of the way I have handled things. I shouldve just gave him his space and let him come to me, but I didnt.


    Xanth202
    Participant
    January 26, 2013 at 5:26 pm #21294

    You have not lost your mojo. I am a 31yr old guy and met a girl about 6 months ago who was going through a divorce. Things between us have been great but there are a lot of times she needs her space and time to grieve over her marriage. I am in a totally different place. I am ready to meet someone and being head over heals in love. I fell for this girl hard and being patient and taking things slow has been incredibly hard to do. I mess up at times and push to much and she pulls away. I am at the point now where I have to give her time and space and let her come to me. We had dinner together this past week and She told me I have been ridiculously good to her she doesn’t want to end things because she believes it would be the biggest mistake ever but she also said she needs time. I know it is hard and meeting someone you have a connection with soon after they are divorced is hard. Hang in there and try and focus your energy into your life some and just try and keep communication open.


    wynsome
    Participant
    January 26, 2013 at 10:50 pm #21295

    I feel like I have already pushed him away and I don’t know how to move forward. He texts, he doesn’t talk on the phone. My texts lately have had too much emotion and he didn’t respond to that. The last three weeks all plans we’ve made have been cancelled. If I can’t see him or even have a phone conversation how can I keep communication open. He doesn’t have a problem finding time to get on the online dating site so he obviously wants to date. Again if it hadn’t been so wonderful when we were hanging out this wouldn’t be so difficult. I just don’t know what to do. 🙂
    If he isn’t interested I wish he’d say so. If he is I wish he’d say so. I get the feeling if I never pursue conversation with him again he may just walk away. But I think it’s because of miscommunication through text. I don’t know.


    wynsome
    Participant
    January 26, 2013 at 10:50 pm #21296

    And thank you for the response by the way!!


    Xanth202
    Participant
    January 27, 2013 at 12:23 pm #21299

    I know exactly how you feel. I had plans with the girl I am seeing and they got canceled too. After a divorce a person has a lot of feeling and emotions to sort through. They are questioning a lot of stuff about their life. He is probably on a dating site because he has moments when he is lonely and is trying to get used to dating again. Sometimes when you start to date you start to shut down because you miss your spouse or have fears of getting hurt again. I know a lot about this. My ex-wife cheated on me and we got divorced about 6 years ago. I thought I was over it and spent 4 years not in a relationship but then when I met the girl I am seeing now. I realized that I have issues unresolved from my divorce. I become suspicious of everything and start to worry a lot. I think I still have a fear of getting hurt. The best thing you can do is text very casual comments every now and then and give it time. You should not expect anything and keep living your life as normal. If he really likes you when he is ready he will start to open up. I know it sucks. I care about the girl I am seeing so much. We have had some great times and made great memories together. I just hope it is enough for her to want to be with me when she is ready.