Help, the girl I'm dating has trust issues!

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Help, the girl I'm dating has trust issues!

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    tripped
    Participant
    October 16, 2014 at 1:26 am #66003
    Help, the girl I'm dating has trust issues!

    Girl I’ve been dating long distance for 3 months moved to my city about 2 weeks ago. She has been avoiding me since she arrived, but still texted or called almost every day. She is stressed by the move, and so I gave her space over the weekend. Monday we met for coffee to talk, and she said that she felt like I’ve been smothering. I told her I didn’t mean to be, but felt like she wasn’t communicating properly because she has been clearly avoiding me, despite claiming everything was fine. She was very defensive and argumentative, and it was clear that she was trying to push me away. I kept telling her that I don’t mean to be smothering, but from my point of view she is saying one thing and doing another. She keeps saying there are too many things on her plate, and when I ask her why she just can’t tell me, she gets mad and says “I can’t tell you because then you will want to help, and I don’t need help.” This is a big change from a few weeks ago, when she was very open and trusting.


    TDH804
    Participant
    October 16, 2014 at 1:29 am #66005

    Hmmm…it sounds like she is just overwhelmed by the move. Give her some time and space and things should smooth out.


    tripped
    Participant
    October 16, 2014 at 1:32 am #66006

    Just to finish up: I didn’t really know what to say anymore. She said that perhaps she has been more distancing than she meant to be, and would think on things. When i asked what she wanted from me, she said “I don’t know”. I told her that I care about her and want to build towards something, but that it’s up to her to let me know when she’s ready to do that. We then stayed and talked about her life for about an hour, and she opened up a little, but not much.

    I didn’t expect to hear from her for a few days, but she texted me that night asking how my night was. We exchanged a series of lighthearted texts and she was joking around, but since that night I haven’t heard from her at all. I really think that she is both stressed about the move, and terrified of opening herself up. Everything I’ve read about trust issues is that they will push you away, but that you should stay with it because they are looking for any sign that you won’t stick around. Or should I not contact her?


    Andrew27
    Participant
    October 16, 2014 at 7:15 pm #66060

    Moving can be a huge undertaking. She probably has a lot of things on her mind about the move. I’d wait a few days and then contact her. Be patient, she’ll open up when she’s ready. It will work out.


    tripped
    Participant
    October 17, 2014 at 3:52 am #66069

    Update: After not talking for a few days, she texted me saying that someone came up to her on the street today asking for fun stuff to do in town, and thanked me for making her feel knowledgable and pretend to be a native of the city. I said “Ha you learned from the best. Hope you’re having a good week” and she just never responded. She’s confusing me so bad X(