HELP what should I do?

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HELP what should I do?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    angelbear077
    Participant
    January 27, 2016 at 8:09 pm #92321
    HELP what should I do?

    The week before I went on holiday my bf hung out with a girl. He said it was only lunch and they had a nice discussion about life and decisions esp how the convo made him realise he’s not a kid any more. He even said the girl reminded him of himself. I felt hurt and talked to him on the phone before I went on holiday. He reacted angrily and said “I didnt say I wanted to be with her. f*** I don’t want to have this conversation right now when you can just fly off tomorrow” I was shocked by his reaction and I asked him is his interest still there in me and whether he liked the girl more. He said no. But then he says “I’m too tired of minding people to like them. I don’t want to be around people or be in a relationship. I need time to clear my head.” I said “I respect you need space.” Then he sent me this “I wish you a fun trip. I got other things to mind and think about. Please take care. Smile always. You always looked sweet smiling. I’ll see you again. Truly Best.” What should I do?


    RightURKen
    Participant
    January 27, 2016 at 8:44 pm #92323

    That’s a tough one. First of all he sounds a bit immature.(ironic that he said the conversation made him realize he’s not a kid anymore but then proceeded to act like one) He had no reason to fly off the handle like that and it was clearly a defensive move on his part. It does indeed sound like he was attracted to this other girl but he’s still attracted to you too. I don’t know enough details of your relationship to give complete advice. The only thing I can say at this point is keep in touch with him as is nothing is wrong and see what happens.


    Anonymous
    January 29, 2016 at 9:03 pm #92451

    I agree! Personally, it’s a HUGE red flag to be talked to in that manner when you are just asking a very appropriate question. I don’t know anyone who would not have that same thought you did. If the roles were reversed, I can only imagine how he would have reacted! It sounds like he is at a crossroads. He has feelings for you AND he wants to be alone. Either something happened that has increased his stress levels and he is responding by needing to pull away and “think about things” (a pretty common response by men who do not have a good skillset to handle stress). OR…he has been thinking about this for awhile. Either way…I personally would put my foot down and set some boundaries as to what you need. Either he gets on the same page as to the design of what you guys are, or not. From the text, it seems he is trying to nicely create distance…soften the blow so to speak. So call out the elephant in the room and ask for clarity!!! BUT DO NOT forget about yourself in the


    Anonymous
    January 29, 2016 at 9:06 pm #92452

    process! Too many women end up giving up what they need in a relationship in order to match the guy and what he feels comfortable offering! Then the woman is miserable! BOTH people need to be on the same page or don’t move forward! If he is wanting space, give it to him, but that also means you need to let him go. Who knows if he will come back. If you allow yourself to be kept on a string of hope that at some point, he will come back to you….that’s just torture and not healthy! You want a guy who has NO DOUBT whether he wants to be with you! He is READY to experience you without limitation! He wants to know and explore life with you because you are his best friend!!! Wouldn’t that feel amazing??? This guy is not that person. I think you probably already know that, but somehow are still strying to hold onto the hope of it being otherwise. Let him go figure out what he needs to do, WITHOUT you.