Her "closure" letter to me.

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Her "closure" letter to me.

    Author
    Comments

  • rsjay8828
    Participant
    August 14, 2016 at 2:24 am #108171
    Her "closure" letter to me.

    If any one can comment on this please share. I am going to share with you a “closure” email that my ex of 3 years wrote to me. So I emailed her last Sunday, and on Wednesday got this reply ” Hate is a strong word. I don’t feel comfortable in your presence anymore. You’ve scared me more by waiting outside my work and home. Those are the two places I wish I would never feel uncomfortable and yet you’ve made that a reality. You made it very clear that when you picked up the remainder of your things that was it. I accepted it and moved forth. I moved out for a reason and I’m sorry that the fairy tale of us maybe working it out stuck in your head. That was also my doing. As I’ve been on my own I’ve realized that us is no longer an option, I can’t go back to the loveless and emotionless relationship I was once in. It took me almost a year to leave you and somehow you sucked me back in. I won’t allow it anymore and I’m going to focus on my happiness and what I deserve. I’ve done a lot more…


    rsjay8828
    Participant
    August 14, 2016 at 2:29 am #108172

    …well on my own financially and emotionally and I don’t want to turn back. I wish you the best in your life and hope you succeed in whatever it is you decide to do. This is my farewell and please accept it and hope you find comfort in this closure.”

    Now people this is a woman the declared she will always be there for me days prior, said she will always love me etc etc. This email makes no sense in the fact that she basically trashes our entire relationship and then hopes I can take comfort in this closure. We have a lot of history together and I do love her dearly. I’d appreciated any insight.

    heidigoodrich
    heidigoodrich
    Participant
    August 18, 2016 at 9:08 pm #108813

    endings are so sad and hurt like crazy. I’m sorry you have to go through this. There are so many confusing breakups that I have coached people through and I say the same thing to each and every person. The reason “why” and the confusion does not matter. What matters is that the ending is what is real. We all looooove the have reasons for people’s choices and behaviors so we can make sense of our world. Unfortunately, we do not always get that kind of understanding and it can prevent someone from moving forward. So let me just encourage you to let her go. Let her have her perception, even if it is different than yours. Let her move on. Let go of your need to argue or disagree or challenge her any further. The reality is, she is done and she communicated that very well to you. Delete the email so you don’t keep reading it. Choose to spend your thoughts and energy on moving forward without her. Maybe someday you will get more answers, but for now, find your closure. I”m so sorry


    rsjay8828
    Participant
    August 19, 2016 at 9:05 am #108821

    Appreciate the wise words. One thing bothers me though and it’s the fact that, in the heat of it all she says she wants nothing to do with me etc etc, yet she still responds to my emails. I haven’t sent her any email since the last one which was on Sunday, she replied and to which I didn’t respond. Some people out there say to go ‘no contact’ because most likely she is have reactance to me begging and pleading and to let things cool down and to get back to me, so to speak. So that is what I’m currently in the process of. Appreciate the help.


    rsjay8828
    Participant
    August 19, 2016 at 9:05 am #108819

    Thank you fore your input and expertise. There’s a hook to this all, though she said she doesn’t want to talk to me and she is moving on etc etc. She still talks to me through email. This is what I’m trying to get my head around. I wrote her a very short email saying “I agree with your decision 100% now looking back on my behavior. So as of right now I have no hard feelings :). Say hi to Jax for me ( Jax being our dog we got together as a puppy ). Cheers!”. To which she responds a few hours later saying ” I have blocked your number because of your repeated attempts to contact me. However, that has stopped. Thank you. I think it’s best it remains that way. Jax is happy, don’t worry.” That was last Sunday to which I haven’t responded which some people strongly recommend. Again I hate to dissect an email but once again I’m confused. A lot of advice out there is saying go ‘no contact’ to let things cool down. Could her closure letter be based in the heat of the moment, a reaction atm?


    sabbe55
    Participant
    August 19, 2016 at 5:20 pm #108923

    I know exactly what hell you are going thought right now. And Im so feeling with you right now. I know there can be like a thousand of people telling you to move on and forget about her. But still youre hoping that everything will come back for good in the end. 3 months earlier I thought that I will die. I thought I will never be lucky again. And I thought it about 3 times in my life. And I can tell you, you will heal. Give yourself time. and I tell you. If you see 1% Chance to get back with her, DONT contact her. If you run after her, she has the secure to always have your back, even if she change her mind. That’s not what will bring you back to her. Never! I made this mistakes a lot of times and I tell you distance is the best way to make her reconise your worth and reconise which place you had in her life. That’s the only way. I wish you all the best. 🙂

    miclessmike
    miclessmike
    Participant
    August 20, 2016 at 5:46 am #108960

    I agree with Heidi: at the end of the day, the “why” doesn’t matter. If your partner wants to break it off, why stay with them?

    Honestly I don’t care for the goodbye letter approach because it can cause more confusion. Was she really just putting on an act because she was afraid to actually break it off? Were you doing something wrong? Was she? Is she just crazy? All of the above? At the end of the day, though, she broke it off, and maybe it’s best to just say “hell with it” and try to move on. It seems like the cold route to take, but it’s probably for the best to spend as little time as possible dwelling on it, and more time moving forward.

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by miclessmike miclessmike.