How can I ask this girl out excluding her friend and why does she include her fr

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How can I ask this girl out excluding her friend and why does she include her fr

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    StrictlySaucers
    Participant
    June 7, 2015 at 1:42 am #80349
    How can I ask this girl out excluding her friend and why does she include her fr

    So, there’s this girl I’ve worked with for two years. Her other good friend, who is a coworker of mine, told me this girl thought I was cute. Another close friend of her once threw it out there that she could hook us up. Unfortunately, I want to ask her out myself, without help.

    These events were two years ago, but this girl has kept in contact.

    She messages me through our internal messaging every now and then asking how I’ve been. Sometimes, she’ll ask me for advice. Such as, my opinion on a hair color she wants or a tattoo or piercing. She gave me the title, “life coach”. For the record, I’m not a life coach haha. Also, I’ll sometimes message her and just say something on my mind just to make her laugh.

    Anyway, there’s been a few obstacles that have prevented me from asking her out.

    – When I arrive at work, she’s going to lunch
    – She works on the other side of the office
    – She works in HR
    – Her friend is always with her

    I’ve tried to ask her to join me for lunch and each time she brings her friend (another girl she has become close friends with). Outside of the first time I’ve met her, I’ve only hung out with her once outside of the office.

    I almost had her join me at a concert, after me posting a Facebook status asking who wanted to be my date. She replied saying she would be. Unfortunately, she had been sick that week and canceled the day of the show.

    Recently, I won tickets at work to a game and I was going to ask her, but the weather wasn’t looking good. I didn’t want our first time, exclusively hanging out, to be unenjoyable.

    Turns out, she won tickets too and invited me. She also invited her friend and her friend brought her boyfriend. I feel she’s comfortable around me, because on the way back from the game, she invited her friend and me into her mom’s house, introduced me to her mom, and broke out the baby pictures.

    Technically, she has ended up asking me out accidentally. Argh. How can I ask this girl out without her friend coming along? I want to do it in person even if it’s only me asking her to hangout. I also want to get comfortable initiating this at work, as I’ve never mixed work friendships outside of work and want to learn to do this. I’m fine with asking her out to date outside of work, but feel odd asking her to hangout with me outside of work while I’m at work with her friend around.

    Also, what could it mean where she always has to include her friend?

    Badass
    Badass
    Participant
    June 8, 2015 at 8:35 am #80368

    Girls include their friends so they aren’t rejected. Um yeah, she likes you! Baby pics, moms house, and invite on a double date, unofficial? Ok so, I don’t know where you work, but you know what this chick likes. I feel like you can ask her to go somewhere with you, tattoo shop, uhh I don’t know, art show? Something unique and fun like her. Just say you were thinking of going and you need her opinion. That’s her thing right? Or if you’re brave, say you want to take her out to… Fill in the blank. Is she free Saturday night? Check her work schedule. A guy at work asked if I would go Xmas shopping with him. It was a great first date, we helped each other but Xmas presents for our friends and fam at the mall. your moms bday coming up? Shopping help? Need to buy new shorts or a sweater, and you want her opinion? She will say yes. If you absolutely don’t have the nerve to walk up to her at work when she’s alone. Ask her in instant messanger. You’ve waited 2 years, time to make a move.


    StrictlySaucers
    Participant
    June 8, 2015 at 9:57 am #80407

    Thanks for the advice. There have been a few things holding me back that I was kind of intimidated by. One, she has a kid. Sometimes I just want to get up and go, but having a kid is going to limit many of her activities. It could be a wonderful thing, I just dont know if I’m ready for it and I’ve never dated a girl with a kid before.

    Two, I usually try to avoid office romances. I’m afraid if something doesn’t go well, even like a slight disagreement, one of her good friends, who is also in HR and likes to gossip will hear about it. Then, I’ll hear about it. I would trust this girl to not do something like this because she’s not that type of person, but her friend, not so much.

    Three, I wanted to work on myself before I brought someone new into the picture. Since my last relationship, I’ve lost a lot of my hobbies and have kind of become a hermit on the nights I’m not watching my friends’ bands play. I also dropped off some of my sports. I used to play soccer 5 hours every night after work, but since my office moved, this doesn’t happen anymore. I don’t have much of a life outside of night life. I want to put less pressure on a girl to always have to be around. I want her to have a life and don’t want to ruin that. Unfortunately, I’m doing a terrible job being single developing all this again.

    Four, I’m not good at planning. I often will ask people to hangout last minute, her included. I can be spontaneous where there could be something I’ve wanted to go to for a while, but if the right event pops up around the same day, I may change my mind and go to that new event. This doesn’t give her enough time to make plans for her kid to be watched and she’s probably used to order and planning in advanced.

    Maybe these are minute concerns or they are legit. Maybe there is something I should be prepared for dating a girl with a kid? Maybe I need to get myself straightened out before I bring someone else into the picture. Or, maybe this is just me being extremely critical about everything I do. I’m a bit of a pessimist, if you can’t tell. 🙂 Fortunately, it helps with my job in risk management.


    Frost
    Participant
    June 8, 2015 at 10:31 am #80412

    It sounds like you are making to many excuses not to ask her out on a date. She can either say yes or no but I would definitely ask her.


    StrictlySaucers
    Participant
    June 11, 2015 at 2:53 am #80590

    Still having difficulty getting this girl by herself. Want to avoid text/IM asking to hangout. I did that to get her number and it felt awkward. Our schedules are just off and she is rarely at her desk.

    I randomly ran into her and her friend on my way out and instead of leaving, I sat down and just joined in their conversation. I brought up some interesting places, to see how she felt about them in convo. I said I might try going there this weekend, but she didn’t seem to be into them. I eventually pushed the conversation toward food, and she suggested a spot, so I went with her and her friend to catch dinner after work and they invited another one of their girlfriend’s from work to meet up with us.

    Funny that the idea of birthday shopping for my mom was mentioned. Her birthday is this month. I was gonna do that this weekend. I know this girl likes shopping and the mall. I mentioned I was shopping and brought up the mall by her in convo, she lit up asking if I was there.


    StrictlySaucers
    Participant
    June 12, 2015 at 1:17 am #80709

    I went to a company outing and later got beers and dinner with her and other folks and witnessed her super friendliness with everyone. Found out from her bringing it up in a conversation with other people, that introducing the mom thing isn’t that uncommon. Seems to happen due to the convenience of her mom’s house to the arena. There were four other people who have all gone through what I did (not sure about baby pictures). I’m thinking she’s just a super friendly person. I rather not make our friendship awkward and ruin it. Oh well.