How do I say I'm uninterested?

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How do I say I'm uninterested?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    effdoubleyew
    Participant
    December 4, 2014 at 12:55 pm #68678
    How do I say I'm uninterested?

    I’ve been casually seeing a friend from work. He asked me on a date a few months back. I said sure, just a few friends going out for drinks, right? We ended up back at his place, and had sex. I don’t feel bad about that at all. I believe people should be free sexual beings if they so desire. We had a few more of these encounters. Then, something happened. He started to try and hold my hand. This made me extremely uncomfortable. I knew I had to speak with him about boundaries. It was a major indication that this thing had gone awry. I spoke with him to ensure that we were on the same page– no strings attached, purely physical. He told me he’d been wanting to have the same conversation with me for a while. I let out a sigh of relief(too soon). That followed with some rough sex and I could sense he was hurt by our talk. So, the next time we got together I told him I noticed he was upset about that awkward conversation. He replied with “I’m so glad we’re having this conversation” and


    effdoubleyew
    Participant
    December 4, 2014 at 1:03 pm #68679

    “I think you’re just scared to be hurt again” because he thinks that I do want a serious relationship, I’m just hurt and scared. NOT TRUE. Very awkward indeed. Following this conversation- which I deeply regret- he called a few nights later, and asked me if I had an answer. I had no idea what he was talking about. He said the word girlfriend and I freaked out and said I’m not ready. He said that’s okay. I understand. But, after this, he is constantly putting his hands on me as if he owns me, trying to kiss me at work, etc. unwanted attention. I am so afraid of confrontation and hurting his feelings that I let it get this far. I don’t even want to have sex with the guy anymore so I’ve been avoiding him for a while now, but when we work together, he is always touching me and stuff. I pull away every time to let him know that I don’t want this. He just doesn’t seem to get it. I don’t know what to do anymore.


    Confusedyoungman
    Participant
    December 16, 2014 at 6:13 pm #69314

    Maybe I’m wrong, but you come across as being a strong, liberated, independent woman, all this “people are free sexual beings” stuff, so why can’t you be firm with him? Tell him politely but firmly that you’re no longer interested, it was casual and you’ve moved on, AND that if he continues to touch you WITHOUT your consent, that is potential harassment.


    arianaxoxo
    Participant
    December 17, 2014 at 2:11 pm #69359

    That’s a tough spot considering its a colleague.. but I would continue to talk to him and just keep changing the subject to work related stuff.. He will eventually get the picture that you’re not interested. Good luck!