How do I stop obsessing over girls I'm talking to?


How do I stop obsessing over girls I'm talking to?

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    Dazed and Confused
    January 2, 2013 at 5:10 pm #19791
    How do I stop obsessing over girls I'm talking to?

    Every time I start a “fling” with a girl, I always get ultra obsessive. I think about them all the time, I worry that they don’t like me, I overthink my text messages and what I say to them – I just really want things to work out, almost to a point where it gets ridiculous.

    I’ve started talking to a girl, one of my good friends actually. We hooked up a little bit at a New Years party, we were somewhat drunk at the time, however. Now we haven’t really talked that much lately, but I actually really like her. I don’t really know what to do at this point. She has trouble expressing her feelings/affection for people (We had a thing last year and I stopped talking to her because I wasn’t getting any signs that she was in to me, but her friend told me that she did in fact like me) so she’s really hard for me to read (which kind of makes me want her more).

    Now like I said earlier, when I like a girl, I LIKE her. Almost too much it seems. It’s definitely happening again now, as I’ve been thinking about her all day and continually talking myself out of texting her because I don’t want her to get annoyed or think that I’m getting attached.

    What’s the proper procedure here? I don’t really know how to go about this, because all girls that I’ve had successful tenures with kind of made it easy (weren’t afraid to show their affection for me making it easy for me to make moves), but this girl is hard to get it seems like.

    January 4, 2013 at 10:27 am #19960

    Seems like the “obsessive” nature of your dating ways HAS worked in the past because girls LIKE to be chased. Now that the tables have turned a bit, the chase to you seems just as entertaining.

    could it be this girl is a bit shy? If she can’t show her feelings with body language or with her words, try to get to know her better as a person. You still need to get to know her personality, because if you can’t read her signals, it’s because she’s still an acquaintance/stranger to you. Don’t think about how often you text her or what you specifically say. Instead ask yourself, “Hmm, how can I get to know this girl better?” Ask her out on a lunch date, go to a basketball game together. Go on a group date and see how she interacts with others. You can figure her out and simultaneously show her that you’re interested by just hanging out.

    Don’t try to pick her brain too soon, instead, enjoy the time and see if you really like being around her 🙂 Put down the phone, our generation has such a pathetic reputation of dependency on technology we don’t know how to even speak in person.

    January 4, 2013 at 2:44 pm #20024

    Okay – I’m sorry. We need to address an issue here that has nothing to do with a girl, but with your own obsessive reaction as you clearly stated yourself.

    Sounds to me as if you’re incredibly insecure. I don’t say that in a judgmental way, I say that as in stop and ask yourself the real reasons why you worry so much whether the girl likes you or not. Do you know your own self worth? Do you value yourself? Do you LIKE yourself physically, mentally, emotionally? You’re lacking confidence, which by the way is a turn off. When you meet a girl, (friend or otherwise) you need to ask yourself — why do I like this girl? Do you like her because you had a physical fling that’s sparked some interest, or do you really like HER?

    Stop putting every girl you meet or date or kiss up on a pedestal. Put yourself up on a pedestal for once. If you have enough self confidence in yourself than you can stop freaking out whether she likes you or not. What’s the worst that can happen? Someone doesn’t like you? Yeah that’s not always fun, but do you like everyone? No. People get through it, and it’s important to understand that while you’re worrying if you’re good enough for her (whoever her is) you’re not taking the time to decide if she’s good enough or right enough for you.

    So. Relax. Breathe. Figure out what you really want. And if you really want a relationship with someone, stop having flings.

    January 6, 2013 at 4:59 am #20048

    Instead of obsessing over women and worrying so much just concentrate on having fun first and foremost. Dating is suppose to be fun and if it doesn’t work out there are other women out there. Women like a confident man and instead of being insecure in how you talk/act around them you need to be more confident. I’m sure you have some good qualities. Focus on those instead of what you think you are missing or you will drive yourself to insanity.

    In your mind you need to tell yourself that your a great guy and any woman would be lucky to be enjoying their time with you. Remind yourself of all that you have to offer someone of the opposite sex and be damn proud of it. When women see that confidence and that security they are drawn to it. The goal is to make them obsessive over you instead of the other way around. You can be confident and still be a nice guy at the same time. Just relax and enjoy yourself.

    January 11, 2013 at 6:19 pm #20473

    Just wanted to chime in here, cause you sound like me. I could act like that sometimes, and more often than not overthink a simple freaking text message. The thing is, you know it’s ridiculous, clearly or you wouldn’t want to ask someone about it.. and I think there’s another thing you haven’t considered yet that I noticed a few years ago.

    Where do you draw the line between being confident and letting a girl know how interested you are, and knowing when to lay back and play it slow? That’s something that every girl says, they like it when a guy chases after them and persists even after a no. Sometimes it can be the sure fire way to get a girl interested, and sometimes it’s the worst thing you can do. To make it more confusing, it depends on the girl. Some only like when guys are hard to get, or a challenge. It’s easy to see why some people might overthink how they’re approaching things… because we hear totally opposite things so much.

    You’re afraid you won’t get a girl again, in the long run, or that you’re letting the perfect girl slip through your fingers if you don’t act and say the right thing. You just gotta do what you think you should do, and if a girl responds positively then that’s a relationship that might work. If you have to question your methods and act one way, then another way, you’re not putting off totally confident vibes. If a girl doesn’t respond to how you have done things successfully in the past, that relationship might not work in the long run.

    January 21, 2013 at 11:23 pm #20871

    All of the aforementioned posts are quality. But saying “get over here, have some fun” is not as easy for everyone in practice. It would appear that you are in fact insecure; for if you knew for a fact this girl liked you and you didn’t really care, imagine how you would act. (You would do what you wanted, spend time with friends, lead a balanced life). A good first step would be to clear your anxiety. I recommend playing sports, weightlifting, running, or meditation ( a personal favorite of mine, I HIGHLY recommend). Good luck!