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I will skip the background and cut to the chase. I am 55, divorced, grown kids, and always get a lot of interest on dating sites. My issue is that past events (dating back decades) have made intimacy difficult for me. I can do my part but it rarely leads to anything happening on my end. I can still please the woman but sometimes part of their pleasure is seeing me have pleasure. I do just not in the climax sense. I don’t have ED.
My libido is very low despite having a great testosterone level. I have low thyroid but on meds for it and my levels are good now. I take anti-anxiety meds and the one’s I am on are not supposed to interfere with sex. I think way too many years of no sex being left to myself has trained my body to associate sex with stress reduction and as a solo act. I have to work to get aroused it does not happen naturally very often. I have been seeing a sex therapist and general counselor for the past two years.
Would this be a showstopper for you women?
djamesParticipantFebruary 23, 2016 at 5:41 pm #94210
Do you still self-pleasure? If your partner desires to be sexually active and you’re not performing because of a mentality, I could see how that could become frustrating for you. It’s important to let the past go.February 23, 2016 at 5:48 pm #94214
I do as needed. I try not to as I would prefer to meet that need with my partner but I don’t get a lot of opportunities with her and sometimes it’s weeks so I can’t wait forever. Due to a profound lack of sex in my life I am not used to getting aroused through normal circumstances. For me I get a “need” (not necessarily associated with arousal) that has to be taken care of. So I take care of it. I really have to work at getting aroused and it can take a long time. Too long. No doubt this past has made it so hard now.I am doing my best to change that but it could take a very long time, if ever, to be normal. When I do have sex I am so focused on trying to climax that I don’t really enjoy it like I should. If I just try to be in the moment and enjoy the experience and put performance out of my mind it’s nicer but still no climax.
nhladyParticipantMarch 2, 2016 at 12:45 am #94755
.I have been in a relationship kind of like this for almost seven years. I had been accepting it quite well until I discovered that my “boyfriend” has been registered on dating sites and trying to hook up with other woman (particularly younger ones). I believe that he believes that a younger woman would change up his interest and ability in partnered sex. To me, it was okay when I believed he had no sex drive but when I discovered he might or believes he would with a younger woman, I no longer feel valued in the relationship. I think this is disloyal and I don’t like disloyal/dishonest people. For me, if you are 100% truthful, you’ll know pretty quickly how a woman would feel about the situation.March 17, 2016 at 11:29 am #95905
What if instead he used self-sex to meet his needs. He tried with you and always did his very best to pleasure you but in the end he just could not get relief and could only do so on his own. So no other women, no dating sites, but a need to do his own thing. How would you feel about that?
jodemass57ParticipantJuly 8, 2016 at 8:48 pm #104780
I really think that happens after a time for women too. I’m sure that that is why I’m having trouble. Biologically speaking am very capable of reaching climax but need that attraction. I have given up on potential partners. intimacy means a lot to me and if that “thing” isn’t there after a time then I know I won’t be happy and the other person won’t either. Life is just too damn shortJuly 8, 2016 at 10:13 pm #104782
I think I have a lead on my issue. I am very low in dopamine which is an essential neurotransmitter for pleasure. I am seeing a doctor in a month who might be able to help. Without enough dopamine arousal is near impossible and I think that is at the root of my problem. I just don’t get aroused and if I do it’s very short-lived and not long enough for sex. I just had a full blood workup and should get the results Monday. Will go from there.
Relationships are tricky when like this. I don’t get that excited about anything much less sex. Hard to attract someone when you are like that. You just aren’t that fun. Not that I don’t have my moments or that I am comatose. I am more just super mellow. Nothing excites me though and things that should rev my libido do nothing. I don’t believe it is good to hit someone with that right off the bat. Maybe wait until (and if) there is significant physical activity then explain.
sweetmmouseParticipantOctober 7, 2016 at 12:54 pm #113506
As a woman I will say we are all not looking for the sexual contact. Most of us are just looking for the snuggling and cuddling ones. For me sex is the last thing on my mind. I did not have it much towards the end of my marriage but had been lacking the closeness of snuggling and cuddling longer than the sex.
1977GurrlParticipantNovember 2, 2016 at 9:04 am #116088
I think it’s fine if you can self-pleasure yourself in front of her especially to climax. If she wants to be filled up you can always use dildo or sex toys too.
tbellaParticipantDecember 13, 2017 at 9:21 am #159911
On the norm INTIMACY is so so important for a woman but there are exceptions
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