How much longer should I Wait?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

How much longer should I Wait?

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2017 at 12:48 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!


    Matthew1289
    Participant
    June 12, 2014 at 1:08 am #55156
    How much longer should I Wait?

    I have been “talking” with this girl for about 10 months now. I finally asked her what she wants from this. And she replied by saying she can’t do a relationship, because she has a lot of things going on and just isn’t stable enough for it right now. I do know that she does have some legitimate things going on, so I know that part isn’t b/s. I know she likes me a lot, her eyes were even watering when I almost ended it during that convo.

    I started talking to her literally weeks after she officially ended with the only bf she has ever had. But she dumped him and wanted to move on. And he has desperately tried to get back with her this whole time, but she has no interest in doing so. So I really don’t think it is her ex that is keeping her from fully committing to me. I find her to be perfect, so I have not moved on. But if things haven’t changed after 10 months, will they ever? She doesn’t know about the future, but wants to keep talking to me. How much longer should I wait around?


    jayfad
    Participant
    June 12, 2014 at 8:34 pm #55278

    That’s tough. Things could certainly change, but they also may not. I think you just have to figure out what you want. If she is important to you and you want her in your life, try to stick it out, but if you are tired of waiting, then you may need to make the tough decision to end it. I wish I could be of more help.


    danvan32
    Participant
    June 14, 2014 at 4:21 am #55355

    hi guys, this is reality. every person alive with own choice. why are you waiting, find another because y ar not move again previous, im sure. “when someone take taste once he or she take again and again this taste because this is very enjoyable and interesting” so, goodbye her, yo lost.


    Anonymous
    June 16, 2014 at 12:51 am #55391

    I’m going to make this very short and sweet. She may feel perfect for you AND there is more than 1 girl who can feel that way for you. She has to have some time to recover from the ending of that relationship. You don’t want to be the rebound guy considering how much you have already invested. I suggest to move on. All you have is today my friend. Her answer TODAY is no. And that is all you need to know. Guessing whether she will ever come around is a dangerous game to play. No one knows that! Let her go and take this experience with her as a strong standard you have set for yourself as to how you want to feel with a woman. Hoping and waiting for her means you are stopping your own living, growth and experiences life has waiting for you! So keep on moving forward in your own life and if she ends up coming back around someday, then you can deal with it then. If not, then you at least did not stop living your life for something that was not going to happen.


    Matthew1289
    Participant
    June 16, 2014 at 1:03 am #55392

    I understand the whole “don’t wait for anyone” thing. But is it a bad thing to just keep her around, while I have nothing else going on anyway. Why not keep it going while still being “single”? I can still live my life, but also keep her in it for now and see what happens. Why exactly is that a dangerous game to play?

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Matthew1289.
    • This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Matthew1289.

    candycane22
    Participant
    June 16, 2014 at 9:11 pm #55399

    It is not right of her to keep you waiting for 10 months. I am not saying you should move on completely. But I don’t think you should shut out the possibility of dating other girls while she is making you wait. If she won’t commit to you, you shouldn’t commit to her because that would be opening yourself up to get hurt.

    Jarod Oner
    Jarod Oner
    Participant
    June 17, 2014 at 2:33 pm #55442

    I understand the whole “don’t wait for anyone” thing. But is it a bad thing to just keep her around, while I have nothing else going on anyway. Why not keep it going while still being “single”? I can still live my life, but also keep her in it for now and see what happens. Why exactly is that a dangerous game to play?

    Because you will have the thought of, “One day it’ll come around,” and you’ll be denying yourself other opportunities if they come to you.

    Never put all your eggs in one basket when you’re single. Only start to do that once you know and she has verbally told you that she’s not looking anywhere else and is only hanging out with you all the time.

    I 100% agree with, Heidi.


    Matthew1289
    Participant
    June 18, 2014 at 8:45 am #55490

    Never put all your eggs in one basket when you’re single. Only start to do that once you know and she has verbally told you that she’s not looking anywhere else and is only hanging out with you all the time.

    Well thats the thing, I am not putting my eggs in one basket. I have actually hooked up with a couple girls as of late. But that doesn’t mean I still won’t give this girl attention a few days a week. I’m not committing to her at all, if that is how I came off originally. I am just letting her hang while I do my own thing. As long as I, “spread my eggs to a bunch of baskets” (for lack of a better phrase) then I think I should be ok with letting the one I truly want hang around. Is that a bad idea to anyone?

    Aslo would a girl who doesn’t ever want to date me hang around for almost 11 months? I feel like a “rebound” usually last like 2-5 months tops. I could be wrong, but this seems like a long time to be with someone who you don’t actually like or want…


    Matthew1289
    Participant
    June 18, 2014 at 8:45 am #55491

    Would a girl hang around for 11 months if she truly never saw herself being with them down the road? I feel like a “rebound” lasts like 1-5 months tops. Would someone stick around for almost a year, who really doesn’t care and want you?


    Anonymous
    June 18, 2014 at 9:17 pm #55602
    Reply To: How much longer should I Wait?

    Matthew1289….listen. I understand you want to keep her around. You obviously have invested a lot and it sounds like you are quite bonded to her. You think you are still living your life and “spreading your eggs” around by hooking up with other girls, but not really. These other girls you are hooking up with don’t even have a chance because your heart is with this girl who is very unavailable. You are looking for validation as to why you should keep her around and you don’t need that. You obviously are not in enough pain to create a different design for yourself. I get it! I have done it before and the pain caused by the inevitable separation was big enough that I have never done it again. The facts are, she is not ready to commit to you. She obviously has some interest that she would hang out with you for that long (which personally I am questioning quite a bit since she had a boyfriend). The fact is, no one can know what the heck will happen, so you just have to deal


    Anonymous
    June 18, 2014 at 9:24 pm #55603
    Reply To: How much longer should I Wait?

    with whatever happens. So you have a choice of either separating from her completely and sever that bond to make yourself COMPLETELY available for a woman who would have NO DOUBT whatsoever she wants to be with you….or you wait….you wait for this girl to someday tell you she wants to be with you or not. But DO NOT fool yourself into thinking you can have both…hooking up with other girls all the while saving your heart for someone else. It’s not fair to anyone. So stop sitting on the fence. You need to decide to either wait for this girl or move on. By jumping off the fence, you at least will be able to get a lot more information as to where you really want to be. I completely agree with Jarod when he said that if you wait, all you will be doing is hoping one day something will happen. It’s like pouring water into a bucket that has a tiny hole in the bottom of it. All of your efforts maybe filling it some, but reality is, there is a hole (she is not available for you)


    Anonymous
    June 18, 2014 at 9:32 pm #55605
    Reply To: How much longer should I Wait?

    and whether or not that hole can someday be patched up, who the heck knows. If you choose to walk away and stop filling the bucket that cannot hold the water, then you can take all of that energy and find someone who is on the exact same page as you and all of your efforts will have a solid foundation. I think you know which path would be most caring to your heart and would wield the best results, but it sounds like you are just not ready for that. And that’s okay. The beauty of life is that you get to choose whatever you want!!