How to come to terms with having everything going for me, but never a girlfriend

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How to come to terms with having everything going for me, but never a girlfriend

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  • emac
    Participant
    November 14, 2016 at 12:05 am #117169
    How to come to terms with having everything going for me, but never a girlfriend

    An old crush of mine reached out to me about a week ago, and she was going through something. I talked to her on the phone to calm her down and make her laugh. We’ve talked 4 times in the past week, and it’s been amazing–so long since I’ve been with someone who’s attractive to me sexually, intellectually, etc. and makes me feel good. However, tonight I went over to her place to surprise her with some cookies, we talked and laughed, and then I found out she has a boyfriend (for 3 months that she met online–first American boyfriend of hers–she’s from Asia). She’d been having troubles with her boyfriend. Now, I’ve been pretty lonely having just moved into my first apartment alone, so I need some friends. But, I want to know your thoughts on the situation. I have the confidence to tell her I like her, and am confident sexually. But it’s getting old being an attractive, intelligent, etc. guy who’s never had a girlfriend. I actually get really depressed, and I cried on the walk home.. :'(


    emac
    Participant
    November 14, 2016 at 12:13 am #117170

    (Continuation). I am a really hard-working guy and spent A LOT of time studying in college and didn’t allow the time for relationships, so I know that it can be quite explained by that. However, other people had relationships in my department of study, so it’s not like it was impossible. Anyways, I’ve always been a perfectionist, and I wouldn’t want a relationship that doesn’t make me happy. It’s going to be hard for me to only look at her as a friend, and truthfully, I want to show her how much better I can be than her dumb boyfriend. But I also realize that I’d be setting myself up for a huge failure, and that I might just spoil a good friendship. I don’t know if she’s the one for me — I’d like to find out and give it a try, though. I really would be proud to have a girl like her as my girlfriend, and so on and so forth. Again, I just really doubt myself and think there must be something wrong with me since I have so much going for me except a gf. Any thoughts would be read 🙂


    oheyyou
    Participant
    November 15, 2016 at 3:15 am #117321

    Emac,
    I understand your pain of being perpetually single. As far as your crush, I really don’t suggest trying to come between your crush and her current BF. At the end of the day, would you be advising her on what’s best for her or you? It doesn’t matter how much of a loser this guy may be, YOU have an ulterior motive when talking to this girl. My honest advice is keep being the best guy you can be around her. Starting a relationship in a negative or shady situation (like demanding she dumps him for you) puts unnecessary pressure on the girl and can spoil the sweetness and excitement of a new relationship. Stay in her life but don’t push her while she’s in a relationship.

    As for being hella single. It’s time for you to start putting yourself out there with randoms. Start talking to strangers (at your hobby, grocery store, etc.). It doesn’t matter where you meet the girls or even if you’re attracted to them, just start TALKING. Be awkward. Get comfortable being comfortable.