how to handle guy who won't face reality. (Story spilled over into comments)

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how to handle guy who won't face reality. (Story spilled over into comments)

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    Ariumblaq
    Participant
    June 23, 2016 at 9:05 pm #103975
    how to handle guy who won't face reality. (Story spilled over into comments)

    So, I’ll try to keep it short as possible. I met this guy online 8 months ago. (both of us are 25) immediately we realized a connection as we have the same mindset when it comes to most things and are interested in art. When I met him he was reluctant to tell me that he didn’t have a job at the moment but would be employed soon. So as time went on I finally pried out of him that he was living at home basically be supported by his mother. So after asking his plans to find a job he usually says “I have to be ready to find a job ‘worth’ having, not just anything.” and that he has to be mentally prepared because he’d just come from losing a really well paying job and lost a lot of things. so I let it go because frankly.. we weren’t in any relationship so it wasn’t my business just yet.. 8 months later and he’s literally in the same boat though having gone on interviews (Felt the need to take pictures of his applications to show me), I feel like he’s not being as diligent as he could be as


    Ariumblaq
    Participant
    June 23, 2016 at 9:06 pm #103976

    most of his time is taken up by trying to figure out a way to sale his music & art, and trying to get to a certain rank in a certain video game.. he’s explained how gaming was a huge part of his life and how it’s just something I’ll have to accept.. but how do you have time to do this stuff when you don’t even have a job. He wants to come visit me but he just seems complacent over all even though he says the opposite… I’m really falling for this guy but don’t want to be hurt.


    Ariumblaq
    Participant
    June 28, 2016 at 9:38 am #103977

    As far as gaming goes, I’m a gamer to. but you best believe if I’m living at home KNOWING I need a job, I’m not going to be on that game. When I mention priorities to him he gets sort of angry and talks about how people shouldn’t be money oriented and how love should come before money. that’s fine and dandy but how do you expect us to “Work” if we can never see each other.. by the way we are 2000 miles apart. He often times plays the victim role for example today is mother finally kicked him out of the house. He said he’d talk more about it later as of right now he’s trying to figure out where he’s going to stay. He stated “Two of my friends gave me money, it’s sad when your friends love you more than your family.” I won’t say what I’m thinking now because he’s in a tough situation BUT does he not realize his mother is paying for everything he consumes at the moment?? along with his 2 other younger siblings? I know he knows there’s an issue as he often times will say (Theres more)

    eljay
    eljay
    Participant
    July 5, 2016 at 8:02 am #104397

    Honesty, just let go. He may change one day but you cannot change him. I am not talking about the employment side of things because in this economy it happens that one can lose a job. You have some things in common but not enough, this means that you should be friends. Relationships need good communication, long distance relationships need excellent communication. Your are obviously not happy so move on to a relationship with love, communication, and happiness. If you need any advise or tips just reply my names Jay


    coldturkey
    Participant
    July 14, 2016 at 6:31 pm #105298

    This man has a very poor poor work ethic mentality…and that will never change.He is always finding some excuse to NOT take any job..which he should since he doesn’t have a choice right now.Don’t get involved with someone like him…he’s going to be YOUR responsibility if you do…


    OldHamsterIncel
    Participant
    July 15, 2016 at 3:56 pm #105387

    Video games can be fun and somewhat relaxing — but also an incredible distraction if one needs to be doing something pertaining to one’s economic survival. I recommend that you therefore suggest to your boyfriend that he keep an accurate log of the time he spends on video games, and periodically review that log. It’s possible that he simply isn’t aware of how much time he spends doing that.

    If you were to set LIMITS on how MUCH time he could spend on his video game each week, he’d be less likely to resent you than if you said: “That’s IT: No more video games.” Negotiating the amount of time spent on that game would be good preparation for marriage, if you’d like for marriage to be in your future. You say “two hours, max”. He says, “Couldn’t we make it four?” You say, “Let’s split the difference and make it three.”

    g-e-n-i-e
    g-e-n-i-e
    Participant
    July 16, 2016 at 8:26 am #105457

    If you cehre bout him then try to motivehte him. Try to find jobs for him if its so importehnt to you. Relly you rent thinking bout love you re thinking finehnces. So my ehdvice is to go for who you wehnt. Try to motivehte. Lehy down wheht you feel bout it. See wheht he sehys nd does. If you like the guy then stehy.

    g-e-n-i-e
    g-e-n-i-e
    Participant
    July 16, 2016 at 8:27 am #105458

    Fuck people judge so much bout peoples csh….

    g-e-n-i-e
    g-e-n-i-e
    Participant
    July 16, 2016 at 8:29 am #105459

    This man has a very poor poor work ethic mentality…and that will never change.He is always finding some excuse to NOT take any job..which he should since he doesn’t have a choice right now.Don’t get involved with someone like him…he’s going to be YOUR responsibility if you do…

    Pretty firm nswer quick judgement of who someone cn be. I wouldn’t wnt you either.