How to move on but still Stay Friends with Ex

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How to move on but still Stay Friends with Ex

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    popkinz456
    Participant
    January 31, 2017 at 2:19 pm #125160
    How to move on but still Stay Friends with Ex

    So me and my ex have been in contact even after our breakup because we’re very close and we care so much about one another, the problem is i don’t see a future with him because of our crappy relationship history. Without going into details I just feel like our chance of a relationship is over for now, and I’d like to be back on the market in time, but I don’t wanna and cant lose hom or hurt him. He’s my best friend and has been there for me and I have been there for I’m through so much. I’m not someone who likes or keeps a huge circle of girl friends BC it just is too much. But I know when I have a quality friend and I don’t like to burn bridges. I understand however if he doesn’t want to sit and watch me move on BC even thought were best of friends we still have a romantic history. I’m stuck and love him as a friend and he still wants me in my life but I can’t be selfish to keep him if he doesn’t want to watch me fall in love with someone new. What do I do?


    popkinz456
    Participant
    January 31, 2017 at 2:33 pm #125167

    I have to add even if it’s not obvious that I’m not over this guy I’ve posted about him before but it will be 2 years we have known each other this March and unlike traditional crappy breakups, we have stayed in close contact since the break up which we don’t wanna let go of and we aren’t ready for a relationship with anyone else. I know I’m not ready to date yet. I know it’s not healthy and I don’t wanna make any mistakes and so something that’s not healthy for me mentally like date before I’m ready. But if there’s no future, I’m pondering whether I should start TRYING to become ready to date again. but at the same time tbut future is unknown what if we’re meant to be BC we click so well, BC the only thing I see holding me back from being in a relationship with him is our past BC it really scared me.


    Ron
    Participant
    February 1, 2017 at 8:36 am #125237

    I think is important you share why you two broke up. Because you said you are scared, so it made me think that you were in a abusive situation, and if that’s the case, stay away from him!!!!!

    But, anyway, from what I’m gathering, you don’t seem to be as over him as you think. I’ve tried to be friends with exes and it has never ever worked. What did work was going into a long period of no contact whatsoever (more than a year) and then going back to chat again. I really believe that, as long as the memories of the relationship and the break are fresh, being friends is impossible.

    Plus you will never move on to a new and healthy relationship while you carry your ex with you. You really need to let go! IF is meant to be with him, believe me, when the right time comes, it will be.

    Sorry if this answer is not you expected, but is what I have learned from my experiences.


    Ron
    Participant
    February 1, 2017 at 8:36 am #125238

    From what I’m gathering, you don’t seem to be as over him as you think. I’ve tried to be friends with exes and it has never ever worked. What did work was going into a long period of no contact whatsoever (more than a year) and then going back to chat again. I really believe that, as long as the memories of the relationship and the break are fresh, being friends is impossible.

    Plus you will never move on to a new and healthy relationship while you carry your ex with you. You really need to let go! IF is meant to be with him, believe me, when the right time comes, it will be.

    Sorry if this answer is not you expected, but is what I have learned from my experiences.

    PS: I think is important you share why you two broke up. Because you said you are scared, so it made me think that you were in a abusive situation, and if that’s the case, stay away from him!!!!!


    popkinz456
    Participant
    February 1, 2017 at 11:26 am #125303

    I spelled the word wrong. I meant scarred, but not bc of any abuse. He cheated but he’s proven not to be interested in anyone else we stay in close contact still as I said before we keep up with each other’s lives just as if we’re in a relationship I just don’t want one rn bc of how young I am and how I feel like my future requires me to be focused on me more then any guy. But once I feel more secure in my life to get back into dating and relationships, he might be the one or not.


    popkinz456
    Participant
    February 1, 2017 at 11:37 am #125306

    Ty for the response. No I was sorta expecting someone to state that obvious of not being able to be JUST friends with an ex, also this guy is very open and upfront so if he wanted me to go away or if he wanted to date others he’d tell me. We’ve livdd together for a year and we have this bond that I’ve never felt with anyone. I just know NOW in my life isn’t the right time for ANY serious relationships mostly bc I spent most of my teenage years in a 3 year long distance relationship then I met this guy. No doubt do we both will have feelings for one another, but we both want to be there for each other. I’m starting to think that what I need and what I’ve been doing and need to keep doing is just focusing on ME! Because I used to be that guy obsessed girl in high school. Now I’ve finally got a good life and steady friendship with a guy( who yes I have feelings for still). Nonetheless, if it’s NOT meant to be, eventually if we’re not meant to stay close, we will grow apart.

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    February 1, 2017 at 12:01 pm #125308

    the only way is to take a break long enough to forget entirely your relatoinship.. and start over almost like you don’t know each other (not possible.. but get as close as you can get to that).

    “You can’t learn a new friendship, unless you forget the old relatoinship completely first”