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James 820ParticipantDecember 23, 2016 at 5:57 am #120955
Okay so me and this girl have been friends for about a year now, and we get on really well. There’s always seemed to be a mutual feeling of admiration, respect, fondness and a slight shy/cutesy potential feeling of ‘what if we were together’. I have liked her for quite a while and at a gig last month, we did go into that territory of discussing what if and discussing our feelings although not in the greatest depth, plus her whole family were there that night so it wasn’t really the time to make a move. But I had enough of waiting and decided to ask her out. I sent that message on the Sunday and now it’s Friday, she’s seen the message but hasn’t yet responded. I have pretty much gotten to grips that it’s a no by now, but I just want to know why you think she is avoiding replying to me, I’d prefer if she told me whatever the answer. So I’m mainly looking for advice and opinions from you all if I could. I shouldn’t have to spend an eternity waiting should I?
croSSeduPParticipantDecember 23, 2016 at 2:13 pm #120969
How often do you see her? Is there any situation in which you see just because the two of you happen to be at the same place? If so, just play it cool and continue to be her friend. Girls are pretty obvious when they are no longer interested. She’ll somehow distance herself when you are together. At that point I’d say, move on, or… If she’s the girl you really want, don’t give up yet. If she’s still friendly with you, keep cool, and maybe YOU be the one to become slightly distant to see if she reacts. Most girls don’t like over-eager guys; get’s a little creepy. You should be somewhat mysterious. Good luck!
johnpParticipantDecember 23, 2016 at 2:54 pm #120972
It’s definitely a no, and a very rude one at that. It’s one thing to not reply to someone you’ve just met, but to ignore a message like that from someone she’s been friends with for a year is extremely rude. I was in a similar situation to you once. I sent a big heartfelt message that ended with my asking her out. I waited for a response, and waited, and waited. She eventually did respond a couple of says later, and it was, to my shock, a yes. But the fact she left me hanging like that for so long made me like her less. I put it down to her thinking the situation over, and perhaps that’s what’s happening in your scenario, but in both cases there’s a real lack of consideration for the guy’s feelings. Should we settle for someone who pays so little concern to our feelings?
AcesDJDParticipantDecember 27, 2016 at 9:33 am #121059
It’s better escalate any flirting that was already occurring between the two of you or start doing it if there wasn’t any. However, if something compels you to do the “I want to be more than friends talk” do it in person rather than through a message. The rejection will initially feel worse, but you’ll be over it soon. The being friends thing first seldom works unless you’re exceptionally good looking and if that’s the case probably no need to waste time being friends first anyway. I’m probably a lot older than most on here and I was just racking my brain for any success I had being friends first, and I couldn’t think of any. There was one woman I was acquaintances with for awhile first, but we didn’t spend much time together. Like I said if you’re Don Juan enough to pull this off, probably no need to go through in the first place.
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