I can never make a move

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I can never make a move

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    Converse
    Participant
    January 18, 2015 at 1:18 pm #71214
    I can never make a move

    I’m 21 and I have such a problem making a move on girls. Lots of girls have been intrested in me (can’t be bragging if I didn’t do anything about it) and I’m good on dates- make them laugh a lot, put them at ease and generally they’re fine coming back to mine afterwards but it’s at that point where we’re sitting on the sofa, I’ve put some music on, that everything just stops. She’s sitting there, obviously wanting me to kiss her and I just… can’t. I actually just can’t do it. I’ve obviously kissed girls before but the only relationship I’ve had started when the girl made the first move. It didn’t work out because, guess what, I hadn’t made a move and she’d waited for too long (4 years- yeh… 4 YEARS). I’m fine once I’m there- as soon as we’re together, when it’s fine to just kiss and touch and sleep together then I haven’t got a problem, but it’s getting through the inital barrier that I just can’t do. It’s like a mental block that stops me being physical and it’s driving me insane.


    matt1221
    Participant
    January 18, 2015 at 4:21 pm #71217

    You are not alone. I’m 28 and I still have difficulty making a move especially if I’m really interested in them. It’s easier with girls I’m not that interested in.


    Converse
    Participant
    January 18, 2015 at 5:26 pm #71218

    I’ve missed out on so many nice girls through this, including the one I broke up with. I’ve had it where a girl smiled at me, we went on a date and at the end of the night she leaned in and I just stood there. She was still keen but I convinced myself that she wasn’t interested and didn’t ask her out again. And another time where a girl genuinly said to one of my friends ‘I don’t know why he hasn’t made a move’. He told me and I still did nothing. The break up has made me realise how much time I’ve wasted and that I meet girls really easily, but it’s just taking it to the next step. I had a date on saturday and it got to the point I described above. In the end I walked her to her car and gave her a kiss on the cheek and a hug. I’m not sure if I like her a lot, but I need to have that connection to find out, that’s how it is for me. How do you overcome it when you’re in that situation?


    Anonymous
    January 19, 2015 at 10:18 am #71236

    I feel sorry for you, but know that you’re not alone. I’m afraid of TALKING to girls, let alone kissing them! I doubt that I could ever make a move correctly and at the right time, unless I was blessed with a miraculous burst of confidence.


    Scooby Rex
    Participant
    January 19, 2015 at 10:31 am #71239

    I’m 45. Was married for 13 years. Now I date and that first kiss is still hard. It really IS the hardest moment of the entire relationship. All the work that both of you have put in to it is on the line. Only 2 possible outcomes. You kiss her and she kisses you back (then you are home free) or she pulls away. If she pulls away because you startled her, the timing just wasn’t right, or she just isn’t in to you then it is all blown. No one goes back for a second shoot down. Now we got past all the reasons to doubt yourself.

    I would do a couple things. One, don’t try for a first kiss until at minimum one hour in to the first date. Usually, two or three hours would be better. I have found that waiting much longer than that starts to put you in to the dreaded “friend zone”. Two, work up to the kiss. If the situation allows start with a back rub, hold hands and caress her hand gently. Sometimes you can work in a tickle on her sides. All these things get you closer. Continued.


    Converse
    Participant
    January 19, 2015 at 1:43 pm #71244

    Thanks, I hear where you’re coming from, but I have trouble naturally working physical contact into the night. We hugged when we met up and when she went I gave her a kiss and a hug but that’s it- and that was from spending… 5 and a half hours together. Like I said- no problem asking girls out and I genuinly like talking to them and they find it easy to talk to me but it’s initiating contact. If we’re walking along do I just go for holding hands like it’s no big deal- just take her hand and carry on talking? Because part of me not kissing her was that we hadn’t done any of this- casual brush against her, flirty hand contact etc so I didn’t feel like I could just go for first kiss even though I thought she wanted me to. I’m just not good at flirting and building to it, I think from their position it’d be- I like him he’s a nice guy to- he’s kissing me. Maybe that doesn’t matter, but it doesn’t feel right. I’m asking her out again this weekend so advice before then would be great.


    Converse
    Participant
    January 19, 2015 at 1:43 pm #71245

    Thanks, I hear where you’re coming from, but I have trouble naturally working physical contact into the night. We hugged when we met up and when she went I gave her a kiss and a hug but that’s it- and that was from spending 5 and a half hours together. Like I said- no problem asking girls out and I genuinly like talking to them and they find it easy to talk to me but it’s initiating contact. If we’re walking along do I just go for holding hands like it’s no big deal- just take her hand and carry on talking? Because part of me not kissing her was that we hadn’t done any of this- casual brush against her, flirty hand contact etc so I didn’t feel like I could just go for first kiss even though I thought she wanted me to. I’m just not good at flirting and building to it, I think from their position it’d be- I like him he’s a nice guy to- he’s kissing me. Maybe that doesn’t matter, but it doesn’t feel right. I’m asking her out again this weekend so advice before then would be great.

    drive88mph
    drive88mph
    Participant
    January 19, 2015 at 1:49 pm #71255

    Not alone bro, same stuff here, what usually works for me is to make a perfect date, one where you spend the whole day doing interesting activities for both parties, something that may make you and her go out of her comfort zone, and then at the end of the day, you should have some personal closenes since you experienced many things together and then maybe you could feel more confident in yourself .

    Try it and see what happens


    Converse
    Participant
    January 19, 2015 at 2:19 pm #71262

    Sorry about the double post, didn’t show up. That’s good advice, I think I need to be a bit more aware of potential situations too. Unfortunately, there’s not much going on where we are that would get us out of our comfort zones. I’m thinking a walk on the beach and maybe just go for it, if it doesn’t work out then I will have learned. Just need to do something to smash this barrier and stop being so uptight. If I spot anything though then I will, maybe teaching her to play some drums? Could work, I’ve got a kit at mine and we both like the same sort of stuff. Any more advice would be appreciated, but glad to see I’m not alone. Most of my friends say they wish they could give me advice but it’s something that just seems to happen or they wait for the girl to make the move. It’s a shame we have to play all these games, I really hate them.


    Scooby Rex
    Participant
    January 20, 2015 at 1:19 pm #71240

    All of these things work you closer to romance and help keep you out of the “friend zone”. At this point you have intimate contact. This is contact beyond purely platonic contact. If she is receptive to this then she would be misleading you if she would not kiss you back. It is on her for playing games. Have confidence in yourself and know that you did great even if she were to pull away when you tried for a kiss. If she doesn’t kiss you after all this then it wasn’t anything that you failed with… it was her. That should give you the confidence to try for the first kiss.

    Next, if you have no confidence or experience with first kisses then you could try the old, count “1, 2, 3” then just kiss her. This is sudden, unexpected and can startle her. I have messed up a good date in my early days using this and killed what could hav


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    January 20, 2015 at 6:32 pm #71324
    Reply To: I can never make a move

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    wisconsinwinger
    Participant
    January 20, 2015 at 10:03 pm #71335
    Reply To: I can never make a move

    Im right there with you. You just gotta go for it. Sure it wont be the smoothest but you’ll learn from it!


    Converse
    Participant
    January 21, 2015 at 12:27 pm #71350
    Reply To: I can never make a move

    I never really understood the friend zone- as I said I’ve had a girl wait 4 years for me and another girl wait 2 years. So would you go for a kiss after a date if you’re not really sure about the girl? I get this a lot, where I’m not totally sure about her- we might get on and I think she’s attractive but it feels like something’s missing so I give it more time. Maybe you’re right and I should just go for it…