I don't get what women are looking for from first messages

DATING ADVICE FORUM

I don't get what women are looking for from first messages

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    October 10, 2017 at 10:32 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!

    GMX2K
    GMX2K
    Participant
    June 4, 2015 at 9:15 pm #80246
    I don't get what women are looking for from first messages

    (I’m 24m looking for women about 19-26).

    I just don’t know what to talk about in those first messages. Most online articles say to mention something from the profile like a shared interest. But a LOT of the profiles I come across that I like don’t mention interests but just personality traits like “I’m kind, fun, and laid-back.” I’m not exactly going to send a message saying “Hey, I’m kind, fun and laid-back too!” A lot of the profiles also say they want deep conversation, but how the heck do I start something like that based on a profile of one short paragraph?

    Especially for those profiles that just list one or two interests and say “ask me for anything else.” Do they actually want me to ask them questions like “so what are your hobbies”? I assume not, it sounds so mechanical, like we’re at the end of a job interview.

    So what do women actually want from a first message?


    Anonymous
    June 5, 2015 at 5:54 am #80248

    Women want to see that you’re calm, confident, and comfortable in your own skin. Never come off as a pushover but never come off as extremely rude. Best thing to do is be yourself.

    Endorphine
    Endorphine
    Participant
    June 5, 2015 at 3:42 pm #80326

    Hi GMX! well, as a woman i can tell you that i almost automatically ignore just a “Hi” , as you say there are profiles which lack of information and they’re pretty much empty so you don’t get even a clue of what this person is about! i personally don’t write/reply to guys who have empty profiles because this only reflects they don’t really care enough to say anything about themselves, how long could it take to write a thing or two, 10 minutes? if you wanna approach someone just because they have a pretty picture then that’s your thing.

    The best way to approach is to say something genuine, maybe a comment about the picture or “you seem like a _____ person, i’d like to chat with you” or “your profile doesn’t say much about you but i’d like to know more!”. Asking about what she feels passionate about is a good way to start.

    Angelique98
    Angelique98
    Participant
    June 6, 2015 at 3:08 pm #80335

    Well, I want a guy to be relaxed and not appear nervous.
    It’s also fun if he is a bit of a teaser and knows how to provoke me in a fun way, it’s kinda hard to explain but I really like when a guy teases me about something and makes me go like “heeey…! xD” and then I will just laugh about it. =P

    Badass
    Badass
    Participant
    June 7, 2015 at 6:31 pm #80365

    Here’s what I like. Look at her profile, see if she has anything unique about her, hobbies, photos, you name it! Compliments are always good. I have a profile where I talk about getting trapped in a dog cage. Here’s what a guy I like said. “I’m glad you got out of that cage, you’re beautiful.” It demonstrates he’s paying attention, & thinks I’m beautiful. Not hot, sexy or something else that sounds like, I just want to screw you, and I don’t respect you. Also it’s funny. So keep it short, and sweet. Maybe ask a question so you can keep the conversation going. ” Do you always lock yourself in animal cages?” Lol I dunno, be yourself. Also try to get her number within 3 interactions. Be specific! Not how are you?whats in your comic book collection? See the difference, one is boring, one is not. I always try to get a number and have conversation to weed out crazy people and set up a date. Keep it positive. Best of luck. You can do eeeet!


    saj516
    Participant
    July 5, 2015 at 8:10 pm #81994

    Hi GMX2K. I agree with Endorphine. When men message me with Hi, How are you, nice smile, or other one sentence comments, I typically don’t reply. It makes me feel they aren’t really interested in me and probably sent that same message to ten other people. When there isn’t anything in the profile to reference, I suggest simply saying that her profile interested you. Provide a brief introduction of yourself and ask her a couple of questions, such as a couple of questions about things you’d like to know in order to determine if this is someone you’d enjoy spending time with. It really helps when there are questions to respond to. Even when the man says they aren’t good at emailing, but has made an effort to construct a real message, I think that’s cool. We don’t expect you to be super articulate in the first email. We just want to feel you’re making an effort and genuine in your in attempt to get to know us.


    theoddsock
    Participant
    July 20, 2015 at 8:54 am #83055

    I also struggle getting replies from first messages!


    Anonymous
    July 22, 2015 at 9:06 am #83124

    check he location and ask what’s interesting about <insert location here>


    everything
    Participant
    July 24, 2015 at 2:33 pm #83210

    Women want to get married and have babies, that costs $, the more money you have, and the better job, the more women will want you. Also you need to understand the complexity of the girl psyche. And, so need to be a good communicator. Women will say money does not matter but they lie really good and are nicknamed masters of manipulation. You can tell when someone lies, they hesitate before speaking. Now, did I say anything bad about women here?, no I did not, all my best friends are women, they give me time, show me love, and hugs, they are more friendly than men, but I’ll never find the one because .. lol, I’m done looking.


    alexadating3229
    Participant
    July 24, 2015 at 9:42 pm #83214
    Reply To: I don't get what women are looking for from first messages

    Well, GMX2K,

    Does she have profile pics up? What’s behind her, is she doing anything? Being observant is CRUCIAL when dating women. You might pick up based on her surroundings what she’s interested in. 🙂 Good luck! ~ Alexa