I don't know what to do anymore

DATING ADVICE FORUM

I don't know what to do anymore

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    blaket81
    Participant
    August 3, 2015 at 6:54 pm #83525
    I don't know what to do anymore

    So here’s my sob story, I’m 34, male, and have only been in one serious relationship my whole life which ended after roughly 2 years via an email from her (I think she was seeing someone else). Then i went 11 years without so much as a single date, but not for lack of trying (eharmony, Match, etc.). I met someone at work 2 years ago and we had an exclusive but only out of convenience thing until recently when she met someone else. My main issue is this: I am shy when i first meet a woman, i’d hate to say i’m afraid of women but that’s pretty much what it is. This is compounded by the fact that i don’t have any friends other than ones on facebook that i’m not close to anymore and never hangout with. So i never get out of the house unless it’s to go to a family function. I’m on today’s trendy dating sites like ok cupid and plenty of fish, but i’ve sent message after message to women without a single reply, this is even after getting a “like” from them! I’ve lost hope.


    alexadating3229
    Participant
    August 4, 2015 at 2:21 pm #83562

    don’t lose hope! have you ever tried volunteering somewhere? a lot of women are into men that have a heart! use your shyness to your advantage. and it’ll make you feel good to help other people and make new friends! I have an issue figuring out if someone is interested or not. check on my post! I’d appreciate feedback from someone who is shy!

    also, what are your interests? do you like books, biking, etc.? you can join a club as well! I’m hopeful that you will find someone amazing and appreciates your loyalty to your previous girlfriend.


    saurav7757
    Participant
    August 4, 2015 at 3:43 pm #83567

    good article


    fivefeetcute
    Participant
    August 6, 2015 at 2:33 pm #83656

    I think you should try picking up a hobby that includes social interaction. That would be a coed sports team, a book club, a cooking class – something that will get you in public, around women, in a way that you can interact casually as a team and have fun. This way you wont see them as potential suitors at first but rather friends and you will be les afraid to approach them. This is the point thn where you try to date them, after youve established a comfortable space between you too which is what I think youd need. Drop the dating sites, I think building up your social stamina will benefit you more in this case


    Xander1
    Participant
    August 6, 2015 at 6:31 pm #83671

    I’ve been having the same issue recently, just moved to a new city and don’t have too many friends. The best thing to do first is always have your friends introduce you to new people. Don’t limit yourself to finding a significant other – make friends with your friends friends. By expanding your social circle you will have more opportunities to meet more people that you are attracted to. The next thing is, like Fivefeet said, do a sports team or a class or some sort of group activity or trip.


    Mopsa
    Participant
    August 12, 2015 at 3:45 am #83934

    Dear blaket81,

    You’re ahead of some guys your age because at least you have dated and been in relationships with a couple of girls, (I personally know two guys over 30 who have never had a date), therefore something about you must be attractive to females.

    Facebook is a life sucking entity. “Likes” mean NOTHING! Go on a Facebook diet for a couple of months. Get into some real face to face time with people you can look in the eye! Take the above advice. Meetup, swing dancing classes etc., there are scads of places to hang out with people.

    Just being around interesting people gives you energy and confidence!

    I know it is tough for a shy person, and there are tons of shy people! It is like when I had to humiliate myself cold calling for a job. I felt so rejected my first 10 or 20 calls but after hearing negative replies after 85 calls someone finally said yes! Of course after 85 calls you build up a nice, thick skin, so the yes came as a shock!

    Good luck fella!