I feel like I shouldn't give up so easily

DATING ADVICE FORUM

I feel like I shouldn't give up so easily

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2017 at 3:00 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!


    BlunderBuss
    Participant
    March 6, 2017 at 8:02 am #129115
    I feel like I shouldn't give up so easily

    For the last month I’ve been seeing this girl, whose absolutely amazing. Same girl as I’ve mentioned in the last couple posts (but I don’t expect you to o back and read them.) Going out with is honestly the best its ever gone. We had a lot in common, she laughed at my jokes, I laughed at hers, t just felt right. But she ended it. She said she’s got too much going on, but if I ask again later and something changes she might be able to do something. I kind of believe her. When we talked about our day-to-day lives, hers sounded super hectic, and scheduling date has always been a little tricky with her (although up to this point w always made it work.)
    I realize I’m putting much more weight on this relationship than she did, but I also don’t think she realizes how crazy I am about her. I don’t want to argue with her. It ended on good terms. She still seems to respect me. But I definitely feel like I could have fought a little harder, stated my case a little better.


    BlunderBuss
    Participant
    March 6, 2017 at 8:13 am #129116

    I just feel like if this was truly a logistical issue for her, I could’ve/maybe still could convince her that that doesn’t have to be an issue. But I can also see, if seeing me was taking up a lot of her free time why she wouldn’t want to do that. Should I reengage? Should I wait awhile, like a few months? To me the problem with that is that she could forget how interested in me she once was. I want to approach while there’s still a heat there.
    I just felt like it was going so well, and I feel like there are more romantic, confident guys out there who would’ve been able to keep her, despite her being busy. So I’m frustrated. What should I do?
    (p.s. On OKC, where we met, you can see when the last time someone’s been online is, and she hasn’t since our second date. Further evidence in my mind that she’s just busy. I don’t think I had much competition. But that’s such a frustrating reason to lose her.)


    Confused48
    Participant
    March 8, 2017 at 7:24 pm #129514

    I feel the same way all the time. You just can’t give up. You have to make her understand how you feel about her.


    BlunderBuss
    Participant
    March 8, 2017 at 7:38 pm #129515

    So, the other day I actually did message her, and I tried to say that if she’s busy, we could try to do shorter things, like just getting food somewhere casual. She didn’t respond at all. I tried to be really casual about it, I didn’t really tell her how I feel, because I was afraid it would completely scare her away. I don’t know what’s going on on her end. I kind of think she probably didn’t message me because it’s hard to say no to someone you like, you know? But that might be overly optimistic.
    Part of me feels like I’ve got nothing to lose by telling her how I feel, except that if I do that, and come off needy, that’s probably it. No chance of reengaging later.
    It’s kind of a gamble, I guess. Do I message her now with something more romantic, or later, with something more causal?


    Confused48
    Participant
    March 9, 2017 at 8:58 am #129521

    You just have to show her you’re interested in her as more than a friend. Don’t freak her out by telling her you love her or anything like that. If it’s meant to be, it will happen.


    Confused48
    Participant
    March 9, 2017 at 8:58 am #129522

    Don’t tell her something crazy like you love her, that will scare her off. You just have to show you’re more interested in her than just being friends. If It’s meant to be, then it will happen.


    LostLover91
    Participant
    March 9, 2017 at 11:49 am #129597

    I’m the busy schedule type of girl myself (been with my boyfriend for 4 years). I feel like sometimes girls need to take some time in order to think things through. She likes you, but she’s probably afraid of what could happen or afraid of getting hurt. She might be using “hectic schedule” as an excuse even though she DOES have a busy schedule just so that she can spend some time on her own to think about it. She realizes that you and her may have a lot in common and wants to spend time with you, but she’s scared of getting hurt or opening herself up. She may just need some reassurance, have you tried just casually showing up to her job? I’m not sure if that’s a creepy thing to do or not, but my boyfriend used to drop me off lunch at my work and vice versa. If it’s a public place, it won’t hurt to just show up and say hi and ask how she’s doing. Let her know that you know she’s busy, but that you’re willing to take that risk and meet with her on her free time/when she’s available.


    BlunderBuss
    Participant
    March 9, 2017 at 12:38 pm #129607

    Could I say that over text or call? I would consider going to her job, but she works at a pharmacy for the mentally ill, so it would look strange if I showed up. It’s also a supposedly a longish commute, so that would make it even more weird.
    It’s an interesting perspective that she could be afraid to get hurt. I thought of this before. I don’t want to hurt her or scare her. I feel like the more I push it, the more uncertain she’ll be. Or is that not how most girls think?


    LostLover91
    Participant
    March 9, 2017 at 4:02 pm #129617

    I would definitely try to communicate with her! Assure her that everything will be fine between you and her., and you don’t want to rush into anything. You can tell her that you’re always there if she ever needs help, or just a friend to talk about stuff. She will appreciate that gesture and maybe open up to you more. I think she just also needs reassurance, she might be scared of taking the next step and going to the next level because she’s afraid of losing you after. Who knows, ultimately it’s just how you approach the situation. Sometimes, it’s nice to be that person that just says “Hey, talk to me whenever you can, I’m here when you need me” Then see where that goes.


    BlunderBuss
    Participant
    March 9, 2017 at 7:19 pm #129679
    Reply To: I feel like I shouldn't give up so easily

    When she told me she had a lot going on, I did tell her that she can talk to me about it if something is wrong. She just said she was fine. So I feel like I’m at a point where there’s nothing left to say, except how much I like her, and how much I want to see where this could go. And there’s not really a way to do that that sounds non-desperate. At that point, I’m basically pleading with her.
    Which is why I was thinking maybe some time would be good. Here’s how I imagine that message looking, after at least a month has passed:

    Me: Hey *Her name,* I don’t know if you remember me, or if I’m still in your contacts, but it’s me, *my name.* We went out some last February? I just found myself thinking about you, and thought I’d see how you were.

    This could be a text or a call, but by default it would probably be a text. Although I like the idea of actually talking though. It’s a little more real.