I keep meeting great guys and the timing is so bad

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I keep meeting great guys and the timing is so bad

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    AlexxA
    Participant
    February 15, 2017 at 12:17 am #126981
    I keep meeting great guys and the timing is so bad

    A pattern…I meet a great guy. Smart, handsome, funny, etc…then the other shoe drops and the timing is so bad. With my ex, he had just gotten out of a serious relationship and was still mourning, while also reminding me that he was graduating from college in three months and moving back with his family an hour away. I met another guy. He was literally perfect. Extremely educated, mature, took me out, and was such a gentleman. We dated for a month, all the while knowing he was committed to moving across the country for graduate school. Now I meet this awesome guy. Seems totally my type, but his life is 4 hours away in graduate school. He’s 27 and I’m 25. He family is here so he does come back, and probably will when school ends, but he seems busy with his life goals to want a relationship.

    Do I have tattooed “Date her, she loves guys that aren’t settled” stamped on my forehead? I keep finding everything I am looking for in a man, but none are ready or settled for a relationship


    laguna404
    Participant
    February 19, 2017 at 10:37 pm #127565

    Maybe start look more at guys little bit older….its not you….just a lot of people have issues….

    woodworker
    woodworker
    Participant
    February 23, 2017 at 6:30 am #127922

    If you’re actually bitching about a dude’s initiative, I’m afraid society needs to start completely over, and I mean I’m talking from dirt. It’s absolutely you and society at large as well. Us dudes have been attacked for a million and one things for how many decades now, but this particular kind of whine really does take the cake.

    Extremely educated: So are many terrorists. I think women these days try to get men into a system any way they can, jail even. It’s sick. They see a guy on their own doing their own thing, sometimes avoiding society……yeah, you aren’t going to like him, are you?

    Perfect and mature: Nobody is perfect, and from what I’ve witnessed for 40 years as far as maturity goes…..you’ve got to be kidding me.

    Your tattoo reads “She wants all of you to revolve around her”. I certainly would want nothing to do with you.

    Society really needs to start shaming female whining, because there are only so many cookies we can feed little girls before they stay that way.


    AlexxA
    Participant
    February 25, 2017 at 10:38 pm #128323

    I would like to defend myself a little bit here woodworker. I fell hard for a man, my first real serious something. I wanted to know all about him, his life, interests, family etc…I made him baked goods I knew he would love. I cooked him dinner. I ran when he was in a sad mood. I texted him all the time and wanted to see him a lot. I put him over myself in so many ways. And he crapped all over it. He ditched me to hangout with his guy friends all the time to party. When I mentioned not being happy about something, he manipulated me into feeling bad about ever saying anything against him. He would tell me all these wonderful things he wanted to do for me or with me, but never did any of them. He would go MIA for long periods of time and then call flirt, and talk to me like nothing happened. He broke me in every way. My confidence was gone. I felt not good enough and not important enough. So, yes, I may be a little defensive, but its all in protecting myself and not being used.


    AlexxA
    Participant
    February 25, 2017 at 10:42 pm #128324

    I care a lot and have a lot of love to give, but I’m terrified to open up and give it again. I didn’t have unrealistic expectations of this guy, but time and effort, both of which he barely gave, so I gave more and more and more. I regret continuing to be with this guy. But I saw hope in it. I’m terrified of a guy using me. Wanting to only sleep with me and throw me away like trash. Of getting close and then them not ending up falling in love with me.

    So I am not waiting on price charming with the perfect job to sweep me off my feet. But I am waiting for a guy who puts in the time and effort to get to know me for me, and to continue to remind me that I am worth it, though I tell myself I am, its nice to feel appreciated and respected. Whether its from the high society banker guy or doctor, or by an average joe. I support myself and live a good life, so all I am looking for is chemistry, respect, fun, honesty, and someone to share my life with.

    woodworker
    woodworker
    Participant
    February 27, 2017 at 8:41 pm #128454

    Ah, so there is a reason for that minor eruption….you don’t want to be used. News flash: that’s everybody. Men have it way worse in the department of general trust issues: We have to find a WOMAN!!! (I say those days are decades gone in this age of dehumanization) who won’t rob us, kill our fetuses, take off with the babies, not go Crooklyn Crazy, has time, won’t try to change us, has money and no debts, is Both young and mature (gen x was raised by church and morality tv, you were raised on freakin’ tv vampires and that’s who you’re attracted to), has a fit body, doesn’t have health issues, isn’t aimless, isn’t with a “I hate all men” attitude, can’t forget nice, and etc. etc…..all whilst being judged ourselves. It’s terrible out there. Mc Donald’s workers run their mouths at us….women fling all sorts of crap at random and in the open public–and you’re simply afraid to….OPEN UPPY again. hmmm

    You know I just started fencing with the SCA so I might thrust a girl in the bean 🙂


    AlexxA
    Participant
    February 27, 2017 at 10:38 pm #128455

    I’m not saying that no other men or people in general aren’t going through stuff or haven’t had bad experiences. I beat myself up and am disappointed that because of a bad experience in my life, that I am so closed off and protective. I don’t want to be this way.

    I’m disappointed because this new guy I have been talking to over text message has a lot of great things I like, but doesn’t seem to want to get to know me for me. Doesn’t ask me questions about my life, just all sexy flirting.

    With my ex, I kept letting him in and telling him all about me more and more, and he didn’t care. I’m starting to see this happening again with this guy. Gives me anxiety. That I will throw my heart out for nothing. I want to take that risk. I want love.


    AlexxA
    Participant
    February 27, 2017 at 10:41 pm #128456

    Its funny. I was friends with this guy for a while and we fell in love last year. Wasn’t my type. Wasn’t perfect, but neither am I. I just knew. I never doubted his feelings for me. He showed me. He cherished me. He loved me. And I loved him, or tried to. I didn’t think I knew how, but I just did. I cared about him. We had a short roller coaster relationship. He was my best friend. I want that again. Now that I know what it feels like. He and I didn’t work out. He and I Ied too different of lifestyle. He changed for me. But in the end, I couldn’t get over some things about his, and him mine. Family values and such. I think if I ran back he would take me back and keep changing for me. But I just want to find someone else. Someone where I feel that love, but is more similar to me. I hope to find it.

    woodworker
    woodworker
    Participant
    March 2, 2017 at 8:49 am #128643

    Timing can be frustrating. When I recollect what could’ve been if things were more aligned with people from the past, it really does make you think. Forcing timing intuitively seems like a tough task, but I’m sure many have tried

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    March 2, 2017 at 2:05 pm #128840
    Reply To: I keep meeting great guys and the timing is so bad

    haahhaha you are my soulmate b/c this happens to me! lol. as i put it, “it’s never striaght and easy for me!!! its always something!” lol
    don’t get too caught up in it as the more it becomes a part of your mindset/identity – the more it happens (for osme reason).

    don’t fight it. enjoy it. and just do whats right for you (or right for you now). it might be a small sign that you’re actually not ready for the relationship yet as much as you feel you are. and that last lesson might be…

    having a successful relationship is not about making it one right off the bat or fitting it to a relationship template to start out with.(aka putting the cart before the horse). maybe its about not worrying about the future and just doing and feling whats right and fits and just having faith and letting things work themselves out on their own. its a marathon not a sprint.

    my own example is this: i really only wanted 1 thing growing up. to be a dad. so i was dating based on who i coudl have kids with

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    March 2, 2017 at 2:07 pm #128841
    Reply To: I keep meeting great guys and the timing is so bad

    therefore i never had good relationships cuz i was forcing that “tempalte” into the relationship and tha’ts never good.

    when i dialed that back out and said, “hey.. the relationship has to be there first.. then worry about kids and let it work out on its own” things have gotten much better! and the more and more i drop off all the templates, rules, expectations when i get into it with somebody new – the better it’s gotten to just LET IT BE and let it figure itself out on its own. Meanwhile don’t worry about anything and just ENJOY the moment and the here and now – rather than it always being about the future.

    and really its true. none of us are promised a tomorrow so why spend our life thinking about 5-10 yrs from now? we’re wasting precious time now if we’re constntly in “down the road” mode.


    AlexxA
    Participant
    March 3, 2017 at 9:16 am #128930
    Reply To: I keep meeting great guys and the timing is so bad

    I’m so hard on myself. I like motivated attractive men. Men that are working hard to do something with their lives. I find it attractive that they want to be successful. But then it seems to bite me in the butt, because they are always too goal oriented in not in the right place for a relationship to want to date me. I end up hurt and confused as to why I wasn’t good enough for them. I know it isn’t me, or how nice, cute I am, etc… Its them and they are not focused on a relationship. I then feel the need to try and work even harder to get their attention. That maybe if I do this they will notice me more. Maybe if I act like this, text them this, etc… and that maybe they will suddenly realize they need me in their life. I question if I intimidate men. I am 25, have a great full time job, part time job, my own apartment, car, all of which I pay for myself.


    AlexxA
    Participant
    March 3, 2017 at 9:17 am #128931
    Reply To: I keep meeting great guys and the timing is so bad

    I have a hard time with the expectations thing too. I don’t expect unreasonable things. But I do expect a guy to ask to take me out to do something. Dinner, movies, something fun. I don’t care if he asks to take a walk with me. Its free, easy, and good conversation. Just some effort and time on their part is what I expect. I just get so excited when I meet someone and we hit it off. It doesn’t happen a lot for me, so I see it as my one in a million chance to be happy with someone. Like with this new guy. We text all the time. He messages me. I like what I know of him. But we haven’t progressed in our conversations past very general things. He seems to give me very generic answers. I think most people can relate. You meet someone. You hit it off talking, texting, whatever. Then you want to meet the person and see where it goes. With this new guy, it’s been three months and its stagnant. He is far away, and we aren’t dating. I am trying not to get too expectant, because we aren’t in the


    AlexxA
    Participant
    March 3, 2017 at 9:21 am #128932
    Reply To: I keep meeting great guys and the timing is so bad

    in the same geographical area. I’m getting frustrated with the lack of progression. It’s like I want to keep lines of communication open, because he is eventually coming back here, but at the same time, I don’t want to keep wasting my time.

    I know what a good relationship can be. I’ve experienced it. Never second guessing yourself. Not worrying if they are going to text you, because you know that they are. They prove themselves to you in the little things they do and how they treat you. You have so much confidence, because the person you are with, unconsciously, makes you feel so special and important, that you feel that way yourself. I know how I want to feel with someone. I just can’t seem to find the right someone to be in it with me. I meet these great men who are off living their lives for themselves. I’ve started valiantly living mine for me. I struggle between being too independent and cold, and too overly available and passive.


    AlexxA
    Participant
    March 3, 2017 at 11:01 am #128973
    Reply To: I keep meeting great guys and the timing is so bad

    And to top off my struggling dating life. I get so caught up trying to find out if a guy likes me or not. I did it with my ex years ago. We would be texting or talking on the phone and having decent conversation. But I would always be searching for something more. A sign, a statement, a sigh, anything to give me a sign that he liked me. Because I just wasn’t sure. I remember becoming disappointed and even upset at times with him, because I wasn’t getting the signals I sought. I needed reassurance, because his actions didn’t reassure me. I would become paranoid. Looking for any facebook post, song lyric, to give me a sign. Oh he posted this love song on facebook, he loves me. It isn’t a healthy way to be. But at the same time, maybe its life telling me that if I don’t know how they feel, then they clearly don’t like me all that much, since it hasn’t been very clear. I’m afraid I will get that way with this new guy. I don’t know how he feels so I am constantly overthinking and looking fo