"I love you" before I meant it


"I love you" before I meant it

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    April 1, 2015 at 2:38 am #76426
    "I love you" before I meant it

    First, I want to thank everyone who helped me in the past, because I now have a wonderful girlfriend. However, I did something maybe stupid and am not sure what to do.
    We had just had sex and I told her I loved her. She said it back.
    The problem is, that I’m not sure if I love her. I just got caught up in the moment. She’s great, but sometimes I think we don’t have a lot in common. To complicate matters, I only planned to stay a year here (in China). I’m thinking of returning home (US), but am unsure how I can do that without hurting her. Do I need to tell her I said “I love you” before I was ready? Will this be devastating because she told me she loved me? Am I making too big a deal out of this?
    Any thoughts are very welcome.

    April 1, 2015 at 8:25 pm #76491

    The big question is does she know that you might leave? If she does bring it up it couldn’t hurt to tell her you’re leaving. Attempt to bring up a mutual break up. She might agree that it is better than a long distance relationship, then you would never have a need to tell her that you didn’t mean “it”

    April 2, 2015 at 12:29 pm #76549

    Try your best 🙂

    April 2, 2015 at 11:26 pm #76614

    In most cases I am always a fan of the truth. But in this case I think it would just hurt her. You could have conversation about how you see things going in the next few months and be upfront about the possibility of going back to the US. I wouldn’t go around saying “I love you” anymore (until you mean it) but I wouldn’t sit her down to tell her that you don’t.

    April 3, 2015 at 4:37 am #76616

    As a general rule in relationships, I try not to say those three words until I really mean it. I was in a 3 year long term relationship in my teens and when we ended the relationship, after a lot of reflection, I realized that I did not actually love the girl. It was a horrible feeling. I swore to myself that I’d never say it again unless I meant it and I have kept myself honest to that promise. I have not said it to the past three girls and it has made things a lot easier when (or if) it comes time to break up. Hope this helps. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and be more cautious next time. Tell her how you feel, women love to hear how you’re really thinking. Honesty pays off bigtime!

    April 3, 2015 at 9:20 am #76620

    Thanks everyone.
    Yes, she knows I might return to the United States. I suppose I should be more upfront with details thereof, though. Awkwardallthetime, you mentioned that I shouldn’t say it anymore. I’ve certainly learned a lesson for future relationships, but what can I do every time my girlfriend says “I love you” to me?

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    April 5, 2015 at 3:12 pm #76706

    I think what needs to happen is you delicately telling her the truth. She will respect you more for this in the long run and it is better to be up front then continue to tell her you love her when you do not whole heartedly mean it.

    You should also tell her your thoughts of leaving back to go to the US. In this case the relationship will end anyway but it can give her some time to digest it.

    April 9, 2015 at 10:09 am #76940

    Yeah, I guess you’re right. However hard it may be, I guess honesty is always paramount in a relationship. Thanks for your advice.