I made a big mistake

DATING ADVICE FORUM

I made a big mistake

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  • helena
    Participant
    August 26, 2016 at 12:40 am #109696
    I made a big mistake

    Text conversation trying to set up a second date:

    Me: do you want to hang out Sunday?

    Guy: can I let you know? I’m swamped with work right now and might need the whole weekend to myself. Does that make sense?

    Me: it makes sense but it seems to answer some unspoken questions that make me think it might not be a good idea after all. Do you want to hang out again?

    Me: (when he didn’t respond right away) I understand if you need to rest but I don’t have the energy for mixed signals. I appreciate honest y.

    Guy: honestly it is way too early for this conversation so it’s probably not a good idea

    Me: okay

    I’ve texted him once since then. He responded but didn’t keep the conversation going. I definitely don’t want to waste my time chasing someone who isn’t interested in an eventful serious relationship but I can’t help but wonder if this falling out was due to my poor communication skills rather than disinterest. I meant to let him know that I wasn’t okay with being put on hold but it


    helena
    Participant
    August 26, 2016 at 8:58 am #109697

    Came out as a “where is this relationship going?” Text.

    Question one:

    Is there a way I can communicate to him that that isn’t what I meant without coming across as needy and drama filled?

    Question two:

    What is a better way to say “I’m not actually okay with being put on the back burner. I’m looking for a guy who will make me a priority.” To future guys so I don’t make the same mistake again?

    August 26, 2016 at 1:21 pm #109743

    Hi Helena. I’m new to this forum but have made a similar mistake myself in the past with girls. My reaction would now be to always take them at face value at the start. In other words, assume he really does have a ton of work to do and be cool with it. He may not, but at this stage it’s good to give someone the benefit of the doubt and also a great excuse for you to show how ‘not needy’ you are. You can always text him again with a casual “hey how was your weekend? Hope you got all the stuff done you needed to do” on maybe Tuesday. If he is still uncommitted in his response or doesn’t respond at all from this text it would be a good idea to leave things or at the most fire him off a one last “hey just checking to see if you wanted to go out again” text. At this stage you should also have a good or bad “gut feeling”. Always listen to your gut. If he responds negatively or avoids this text then drop him like a hot stone, waste no time or energy and move on…


    Confused101
    Participant
    August 27, 2016 at 8:53 pm #109792

    it’s definitely possible he is just really busy but just the fact that he responded like that would annoy me enough to just move on. i sometimes have a tendency to ask guys straight up which can be good or bad depending on how you look at it. when I’m too upfront at least i know the answer and can move on rather than having anxiety about someone that I’m not even sure is interested.


    Thirtyharry
    Participant
    August 28, 2016 at 12:16 am #109795

    I think this one is a done deal and you should let it go. It was waaaay too soon for that conversation he was right to get a little irritated. I 100% agree with the person who said give him the benefit of the doubt, especially that early on. How would you feel if the tables were turned and you legitimately had work to do over the weekend and were basically being accused of lying? For future references I would just believe him and respond with “yeah I understand, well just let me know when your available, I enjoyed spending time with you and look forward to seeing you again.” Then promptly find something to do with friends, family, or yourself, that weekend so your not sitting around waiting for him to call or text. He’s a man, let him persue you, and if he doesn’t…he don’t want you,


    emsmith87
    Participant
    August 29, 2016 at 2:26 pm #109842

    Don’t blame yourself. Personally, I would never be the one to initiate a second date. That is the guys job and if he’s interested, he WILL do it. I think you were sensing his lack of interest and he was stringing you along, just in case. He may of had some interest, but not enough to full on pursue you yet. In the future just follow his lead and if you get the feeling that you are more interested and he isn’t making any moves, move on. Plenty of good men who will give you what you want.


    klmnop
    Participant
    August 29, 2016 at 7:56 pm #109881

    To be honest he does not seem to interested. If he wanted to hang out again, but could not attend at the suggested date due to work, then he would simply set it for another day.. And ok your question to him may have seemed a little bit too forward, but it is your good right to know where this is going. I would say to just move on and not get attached.


    euromind
    Participant
    August 29, 2016 at 10:03 pm #109886

    I feel that if a guy does this he probably isnt as into you. If it was coming from a girl I would say pursue it further..


    ramboamy88
    Participant
    August 29, 2016 at 11:34 pm #109887

    Girl! I literally did the same exact thing with my boyfriend, lol. I freaked out when he started giving me the “I don’t know, maybe, I’m busy” replies after the second date. I sent him a ton of texts and told him we shouldn’t see eachother anymore because I was an emotional mess (from my last dating failure with another guy). At first, he backed off and said this was too much for him to handle after only two dates and that maybe we shouldn’t see eachother but he was also very understanding about why I reacted the way I did and we left it on a good note. I waited a week to reach back out to him, apologized, and said that I was just nervous and scared because I really liked him and I wanted another chance. He said he really liked me too and we slowly built that communication and attraction back up again. Finally we went out on another date and the rest is history; we have been inseparable ever since. Long story short, if a man is really interested in you then there are no such things as mistakes. Men hang around and become very patient for the women they really want.

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 6 days ago by  ramboamy88.