I think he may be cheating, any advice? What do I do?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

I think he may be cheating, any advice? What do I do?

    Author
    Comments

  • Pinkpeach
    Participant
    August 7, 2016 at 9:08 am #107730
    I think he may be cheating, any advice? What do I do?

    So, my boyfriend and I have known each other for about three or four years now.
    We dated once, but that didn’t work out because of someone intervening so he broke up with me. Before we broke up, I found nudes from some other girl on his phone, But I never told him that I knew.
    We started dating again five months ago.

    One day, he was on his phonein front of me and I saw he had the hookup/dating app Tinder. So that made me curious, and I went on his phone a few weeks later and saw that he has a bunch of girl’s contact’s from Tinder (he put them in as “Nicole(Tinder)” for example.) I didn’t snoop any further because I started feeling guilty. He doesn’t have a password on his phone. I didn’t confront him about it.
    He’s often made a big point about him being against cheating, he almost punched his brother who is in a relationship in the face when he tried to kiss some random chick.He was very upset to find out that his best friend cheated on his gf repeatedly.

    JamesBond
    JamesBond
    Participant
    August 7, 2016 at 9:13 pm #107740

    There’s an old saying;

    “Men are only as faithful as their options.”

    He doesn’t have a password on his phone? And he uses it in front of you? Interesting.
    Apparently he doesn’t care if you find out.
    You should confront him about it.


    Peoplescare
    Participant
    August 7, 2016 at 10:02 pm #107744

    He may or may not be cheating. You may never find the answer to that one out. I will tell you that apps like tinder make it easy for people to meet many people. It is very possible that he enjoys talking with woman he meets on tinder and has no intention of meeting them. It’s possible that he does not see this as cheating but rather harmless fun.

    I suggest you not confront him about having gone through his phone (not cool). What is cool is to say “I saw that you have a tinder account. Do you still correspond with woman? If you do, I will not be angry but I want you to know that I don’t like it and I would love to think that I am the girl you correspond with exclusively.

    If he really likes you and he has been corresponding with woman, he will stop. Unless he is a sociopath in which case you need to run.


    Pinkpeach
    Participant
    August 8, 2016 at 2:12 pm #107773

    Maybe the reason he doesn’t have a password is because he doesn’t really have anything to hide.

    I would confront him about it, but I feel like he’ll say stuff like “Why are you asking me this? Don’t you trust me?” I don’t like drama and fighting isn’t my thing. I prefer to have a calm, logical conversation about problems we’re having rather than screaming at each other.

    I wanted to talk to him about STD’s once, and he didn’t take it very well. He didn’t talk to me for about two days. I suppose I took the wrong approach, thinking he would be comfortable talking about if he’s had unprotected sex with many partners before and if he is sure of his status. I suppose I should have been smarter about that.

    Also, he’s very sensitive. He may not like to admit it, but things like this upset him easily. We’ve never had a “proper” fight about this kind of thing before though.


    Pinkpeach
    Participant
    August 9, 2016 at 8:47 am #107776

    @peoplescare

    Yeah, I suppose that is possible.
    And I agree that it wasn’t cool of me to snoop, and I should have respected his privacy, so, I am in the wrong there.
    He has gone through my phone a lot though (like going through my pictures and such) but that was sort of playful and he did it in front of me.

    Next time he’s on his phone in front of me and I see him scroll past the Tinder app, I’ll ask him about it. I’d prefer not to just bring it up out of nowhere.

    “Unless he is a sociopath” haha, do you wanna elaborate a bit on that one? :’)


    uhunny
    Participant
    August 9, 2016 at 9:00 am #107808

    You need to confront this guy because it does seem like he is cheating on you. Don’t let him think that you can play ‘stupid’.


    coldturkey
    Participant
    August 9, 2016 at 6:15 pm #107859

    Just because someone says they’re against ‘cheating’ it doesn’t mean anything.They may be talking about it if it’s someone else but secretly they might be the one cheating in the end.When you had found that photo of the naked person…you should have ended it right then and there…or probably should have ended it even before that when he had broken up with you because of someone else getting in the middle of the relationship…yeah that should have been a clue as to not give this person any more chances.Break up with him is my advice.Some people think that you’re not cheating if you’re in a relationship with someone but looking at other naked people on the phone or still signed up on dating/hookup sites. Well it IS cheating..emotional cheating because you’re NOT suppose to be doing any of those things when you’re in a relationship with someone else…very simple. Break up with him because he will continue to disrespect your and this so-called relationship.


    Peoplescare
    Participant
    August 10, 2016 at 2:02 pm #107893

    I disagree with coldturkey a bit. There are no standing rules for a relationship until those rules have been talked about and agreed upon. You can not assume anything. The problem I see is that people fail to communicate expectations then get angry or hurt when their expectations are not met. I was in a relationship for about a year since with a woman who really enjoyed swinging. She talked about it with me and I became comfortable with it. We had a great relationship with no drama and no jeleous. My point is that it worked for us because we talked about it and understood the expectations.There is not a one size fits all so you need to discuss the ground rules. As for my sociopath comment. I believe that people are inherently good. People cheat for many reasons, mist if which could be avoided with communication. There are a minority of people out there, both men and woman who are not good. These people cheat and lie and do not feel guilty about it. Run from these ones.