I want her back

DATING ADVICE FORUM

I want her back

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2017 at 4:09 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!


    ttsmith
    Participant
    November 27, 2012 at 12:02 am #17268
    I want her back

    My “girlfriend” ended us randomly one day while i was at college and she was back home, i came home just days later and talked and she wanted nothing to do with me. I went back to college and we didnt speak for a month. I went home for thanksgiving break and she refused to see me and then finaly agreed to talk shortly at one of her friends houses. It went no where and ended with me in tears and her mad. She says she cant forgive me for the past because of the little things i have dne to hurt her like not being ok with PDA and things like that. She then texted me the fallowing day and apologized but then continued to say she doesnt wanna talk and that we are over. How can I get her back? I have tried telling her how i feel and apologizing and aknowlaging it was my fault, but nothing has worked..


    Anonymous
    November 27, 2012 at 11:23 am #17314

    Are you sure you want her back??? Is that the kind of relationship you want?? The kind of girl who all of a sudden disconnects from you without talking with you, without letting you know what she needs, without giving you a chance to work on what you need to work on?

    Poor communication is one of the top reasons why there is over a 50% divorce rate. Reality is, your lady is not willing to fight for you or grow with you. Whatever her hurt is or whatever you have done….she is NOT FORGIVING you! Come on! You want to get back a woman who is going to tally in her head all that you have done wrong and hold onto it for dear life to punish you one day???

    Do you not deserve a different experience of a woman who can forgive and be a higher communicator?

    What about you not trusting her? To “all of a sudden” break up….for it to come out of nowhere, means she can do it again and again and again…that is not a way to build trust in you or trust in the relationship.

    Create a higher standard for yourself! You deserve it….and you will find how much more amazing you will feel when you choose a woman who will work WITH you through whatever challenges you may face.

    Let her go!

    Chris
    Chris
    Participant
    November 27, 2012 at 8:51 pm #17420

    Are you sure you want her back??? Is that the kind of relationship you want?? The kind of girl who all of a sudden disconnects from you without talking with you, without letting you know what she needs, without giving you a chance to work on what you need to work on?

    Poor communication is one of the top reasons why there is over a 50% divorce rate. Reality is, your lady is not willing to fight for you or grow with you. Whatever her hurt is or whatever you have done….she is NOT FORGIVING you! Come on! You want to get back a woman who is going to tally in her head all that you have done wrong and hold onto it for dear life to punish you one day???

    Do you not deserve a different experience of a woman who can forgive and be a higher communicator?

    What about you not trusting her? To “all of a sudden” break up….for it to come out of nowhere, means she can do it again and again and again…that is not a way to build trust in you or trust in the relationship.

    Create a higher standard for yourself! You deserve it….and you will find how much more amazing you will feel when you choose a woman who will work WITH you through whatever challenges you may face.

    Let her go!

    WoW Crazy! Your words mean a lot to me I recently went through something crazy I thought would never happen. Something I thought she would never do. To make a painful long story short after 8 years she is no longer with me. This happen very recently I thought I had the girl you speak of. The one that would work through anything, but it turns out it was some sort of act. As she turned off like a light switch. I am trying to move on and will, however my question to you is. Does such a girl exist after only being with 1 man for almost a decade?


    Anonymous
    November 27, 2012 at 10:57 pm #17423

    oh goodness! wow…that is heartbreaking! I am so sorry!

    Yes, yes and yes!!!! Such a girl does exist! I coach many of them!!!

    Here’s the challenging part….and I have had this conversation more times than I can count with my clients…..where they are baffled by “sudden” and “random” and “completely opposite” behavior that sideswipes them….they feel fooled and most of all feel like an idiot for believing in their relationship.

    First of all….anyone, I don’t care how amazing you are, how aware you are….can be fooled….It’s just a risk we all take, but there are ways to reduce the odds of being fooled like that. Learn the symptoms.

    I hate to break it you…but I guarantee she didn’t just “randomly” change. Big changes like that don’t just appear….there were probably a million warning signs beforehand that you just didn’t know about. Her ability to turn off like a “light switch” I guarantee is not a brand new behavior. That is a learned behavior…a practiced coping mechanism that people usually have their entire lives…we all have ways that deal with emotional stress….if she had the ability to just turn off, that means she has practiced that behavior many times before in her life…she will “melt” so to speak soon enough and feel the consequences of her decision to just cut you off like that…she will eventually end up feeling the loss of you…whether she ever admits it or not, who knows, but something was stressful enough for her to go numb…and the numbness will melt and she will either re-appear and apologize and want to reconnect or she will just stay away out of embarrassment to save face.

    If she does come back, know this…I don’t care how much she apologizes, she will do it again to you someday…maybe within a few months, maybe 2 more years down the road…those kinds of coping mechanisms do not disappear….the only way to change those patterns is to start diggin on the inside and working on the issues that cause that coping mechanism in the first place. Therapy, energy healing…whatever…if she does not take any action steps to correct that damaging limitation she has, she will never change.

    So if you take her back, do it knowingly.

    Again…I am so sorry you are going through this! Please do not give up hope for something more! Forgive her, let her go and start working on you becoming more than what you are, and that will attract someone better for you. The healthier you are, emotionally, spiritually, physically….the healthier kind of love will appear right before your eyes. That kind of love has to be earned though…it’s worth fighting for…I promise!


    Anonymous
    November 29, 2012 at 5:56 pm #17705

    wow, you guys are really tugging on my heartstrings here!

    It’s always so hard when you run into situations like this, because it hurts so much and the only thing you think will make it better is that girl (or in my case, guy). only good friends can help you come out of the post-dump funk.